Posts Tagged ‘legend killer’
Week 12 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008Wait A Minute! That Sky Fighter Isn’t Martin!
Those From Staten Island Were Sent Home
This year’s All-Star Game deviated from BTSH’s traditional random division of teams by splitting players based on their current residence. With the battle line of the East River clearly drawn, a new rivalry of Brooklyn and Queens versus Manhattan and Jersey began. However, it should quickly be noted that the Manhattan/Jersey alliance is tenuous at best. The game commenced with the East taking an early lead on a goal by Eric Devlin of Bad Touch. Unfortunately, much like a real Bad Touch game, this would prove to be his side’s only goal. Towards the end of the first half, the West struck for three quick goals, scored by Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics), Matt Workman (Filthy Gorgeous), and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (What The Puck). A late second half goal by the West’s Micael Holmstrom (Denim Demons) iced the 4-1 victory.
Although the West won bragging rights until next season’s contest, the game’s outcome was not the only story of the day. While his team came up short, East co-coach Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens intimidated his opposition, sporting a purple blazer, a fedora, a pair of sunglasses, a yellow legal pad, and an “I Love Brooklyn” t-shirt. West co-coach Rachel “A-Korn” Greene had a beer and a cigarette. Other highlights include a failed attempt at multi-ball by Mexican Standoff, a Rehabs bum rush on Craig “Ug” LaCombe, and referee Sven Larsen getting hit in the testicular region by a ball.
With his team’s loss, Rubens remained true to his word, and the entire East team was forced to swim home to Brooklyn.
Week 12 Preview
Thursday, July 17th, 2008This Rivarly Is Brought To You By The Letter S
GAME OF THE WEEK
Rehabs (6-3-1-1) vs. Denim Demons (6-0-2-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 6-4-1
Game Notes: This game represents one of the most storied and bitter rivalries across all of BTSH, as both teams are very open about their dislike for one another. The combative history begins with their original meeting in 1932, when Rehabs captain Sean “Nine Toes” O’Malley scored the game winning goal in octuple overtime in a game featuring more than 100 minutes of penalties. The next series milestone occurred in 1966 when Demons prankster Lisa “Moonbeam” Williams laced the Rehabs pre-game meal with LSD. Tensions boiled over again in 2003, when the Demons changed their color scheme to the Rehabs’ signature Red and Black, from their previous teal and fuchsia. Finally, just last season, when Rehabs schemer Jon Feldman discovered that the Demons were pre-emptively planning a celebratory dinner, he snuck into the team clubhouse (Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s apartment) and smashed all of their fine China. This earned him the nickname, “Dinner Plate”. Fireworks are expected this Sunday when the rivalry continues.
Keys To The Game:
1. Rehabs defender Stacy Kehoe’s high school class will be taking a field trip to watch this game on Sunday. She has promised them no homework on Monday if the Rehabs are victorious, so the fan support will be boisterous.
2. Upon further review, it’s summer, so ignore the previous note.
3. But then again, she might teach summer school…see note one.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. “Con” Ed Lau turns off the power at the Demons’ hotel, causing most of them to oversleep.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. Micael Holmstrom never sleeps.
Week 9 Preview
Thursday, June 19th, 2008The Squirrels Are Looking Mighty Smug These Days
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mighty Squirrels (5-0-3) vs. Denim Demons (5-0-1-1)
Location: Moffo, 6:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 3-0
Game Notes: The Mighty Squirrels are now the only team left in BTSH without a loss of any kind and have been one of the biggest surprises of the 2008 season. Although the Squirrels lack a true offensive superstar, they have cruised through their competition on the strength of their teamwork and solid defense. Despite coming off an unexpected bye week, the Denim Demons were not rewarded with a lot of free time. After his team lost in a shootout to Filthy Gorgeous two weeks ago, captain Adam “Legen(d) Killer” Rubens ran several extra two-a-day practices to whip his team back into shape. Since neither team has lost in regulation time or overtime yet this season, it’s only fitting that this game gets the “primetime” booking at 6 PM.
Keys to the Game:
1. In another cunning gambit by Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, defensive stalwart Marie Marberg recently switched positions to forward. The move has already paid dividends as Marberg scored her first goal of the season last week.
2. In an unusual situation for such a successful team, the Denim Demons have used a rotating goalie system this season. Although Noah Farkas appears to be at the top of the depth chart, Zack Tinkelman and Steve Chernoski have both recorded shutouts between the pipes.
3. Squirrels enforcer Sven Larsen will proudly unveil a new stick this Sunday, made completely of solid granite. Although the stick weighs close to fifty pounds, Sven claims it will add two miles per hour to his wrist shot.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. The Squirrels are very familiar with the 6 PM Moffo game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. By the way, I’m still waiting for my “Team Scrappy” shirt.
Week 6 Preview
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008Volanto’s Oblamski’s Heroes
Cobra Kai (1-3-1) vs. Sky Fighters (3-1)
Location: Corlears North, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: After losing their first three games of the season, Cobra Kai appears to have turned the corner with a tie against the Denim Demons and a win against the Gouging Anklebiters. Newcomer Adriano Bratta leads the Dojo’s offense with seven goals, putting him amongst the league leaders as well. Although the Sky Fighters suffered their first loss of the season in their last game against Filthy Gorgeous, they have still been a pleasant surprise. Grizzled veteran Martin Cejka also has seven goals to lead the Sky Fighters. Both Bratta and Cejka account for more than fifty percent of their respective team’s overall goals.
Keys to the Game:
1. The Sky Fighters have not played a game since May 4. They’ll need to shake off the rust early in this one.
2. Paul “P.J.” Lopez has been one of the best goalies in BTSH this season. Even in their losses, Cobra Kai has had a fighting chance in all of their games because of him.
3. The Sky Fighters are winless since their now infamous bet with the Happy Little Elves. Captain Amy Lott needs to pick a new name for the Elves soon, so her team can–you know–return its focus to hockey.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Goalie James Stein has provided the balance that they were lacking in 2007.
Derek’s Pick: Cobra Kai. Forward Greg “Lysol” Altman is one of the most underrated players in the league in playmaking ability, intimidation, and (according to himself) general good looks. At least two of these qualities will be important in Sunday’s game.
Week 5 Preview
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008Hercules! Hercules!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (3-0-1) vs. Fresh Kills (1-2-0-1)
Location: Corlears North, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-2
Game Notes: The Denim Demons are clicking on all cylinders this season, averaging four goals for and one goal against per game. They boast one of the most lethal offensive arsenals in the league, featuring Michael Pereira, Micael Holmstrom, Lena Moy-Borgen, and Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens. In fact, the Demons have scored more goals in one game (eight vs. Mexican Standoff) than Fresh Kills has all season (seven). It will be up to Kevin “Tiny” Foster, Dave Sokolyansky, and Alexandre Frenette to rejuventate this sputtering offense. However, this veteran squad cannot be overlooked, as last season’s deep playoff run demonstrates.
Keys To The Game:
1. Michael Pereira was Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s sleeper fantasy pick for this season. He currently leads the team with five goals, so–as usual–Rubens was right.
2. The last ten minutes of this game will be crucial for Fresh Kills. Against both the Sky Fighters and Cobra Kai, all of their goals came after the forty minute mark, but they also allowed four goals in the final ten minutes in their loss to Filthy Gorgeous.
3. Fresh Kills enforcer Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst is one of the most feared and intimidating players in BTSH. She has already been ejected from three games, including one for a karate chop to Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman’s esophagus. Her presence will keep the Demon goons in check.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. If I didn’t pick them, Heidi would beat me up.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. The Fightin’ Rubens plan to unveil a new jersey for this game (for a sum total of about twelve), so they’ll have extra motivation for the win.
