Posts Tagged ‘Muscles Marinara’
Week 5 News and Notes
Tuesday, May 18th, 2010Shafiq Needs To Iron His Shirt
In an attempt to boost overall revenue for the league, new league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta has instituted an aggressive sales plan for BTSH merchandise. Reports for the first few weeks of the season are now in, and there are already several interesting trends. Here is a closer look at the top-sellers in both the apparel and non-apparel categories:
An Offseason Message From The Media
Tuesday, February 16th, 2010This Is The Only Performance Enhancer Adriano Needs
With the 2010 season rapidly approaching, we (the BTSH media) would like to provide you, the loyal reader, with a quick update of what’s on tap for the upcoming season. After all, it has been a while since we have posted anything new, and we are getting eager to start playing. Thus, this update has absolutely nothing to do with the increasingly high volume of complaints regarding Dr. Byron Clavicle’s guest column still being the lead post on the website.
First, congratulations to BTSH’s new league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and new DC Manager Haanwa Chau on their recent election to two of the league’s highest posts. Although we have high expectations for both officials, we do hope that Haanwa is up to the task, as she has some very big shoes to fill.
Second, we would like to remind everyone to check the website frequently in advance of the 2010 season. We plan on several posts prior to Opening Day, including our annual individual team previews, which are appearing for the third consecutive season. Additionally, due to the retirement of Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher and the Schuietron 3000, we will be assuming the creation of the 2010 season schedule. To build anticipation, we will release parts of the schedule prior to the entire season docket, beginning with Opening Weekend and Hockey Night in Tompkins.
Finally, we are looking for a few correspondents to assist us in our duties. If you are interested in helping us gather scoring information or writing game previews, or if you have your own idea for a weekly segment in the News and Notes post, please do not hesitate to let us know.
Your Humble Correspondents,
Eli Kazin & Derek Tagliarino
Week 9 News and Notes
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009Why Is Adriano Winking At Me?
Hopefully, Cobra Kai Doesn’t Have Any Loose Photos Of The Media
For the first time since his free agent signing with What The Puck, former Cobra Kai member Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta took on his former team on Sunday. Still upset at the 2008 regular season scoring champion for deserting the team, the Kais had some tricks up their sleeves for Bratta. On the second shift of the game, the Dojo unveiled its “5 Adrianos” formation, consisting of five players all with cutouts of Muscles’ face poorly taped to their chests. Captains Enayet “Retail” Rasul and Greg “Lysol” Altman even convinced stand-in goalie Minkus to partake in the charade. Although the mind games worked well enough to hold Bratta to only one goal, What The Puck still won the game 7-3 or 8-3, depending whom you ask.
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Week 16 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008Whose Name Will Go Alongside Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s?
Does The Nickname Get Engraved Too?
With one week remaining in the season, the race for the coveted BTSH scoring title is heating up. Here is a breakdown of the top contenders:
5. Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck (15 goals): Chongo remains a long shot to win this competition as he has a lot of ground to make up, and no individual player has scored more than five goals in a game this season. Although What The Puck’s potent offense is certainly capable of providing him with ample opportunity, the goals usually spread out among all of the team’s talented attackers.
4. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (15 goals): Eitel has missed the Hookers’ last two games with an injury, and his status for the upcoming weekend is still unknown. However, should he be able to play, he will have the benefit of playing a makeup game, in addition to his regularly scheduled one.
3. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (17 goals): Pichon has the ability to put in three or more goals in any given game, as he has already had a five goal game earlier this season (against the Happy Little Elves). However, he will be closely marked by a staunch Denim Demons defense (try saying that three times fast), in a game that has playoff seeding implications at stake for both teams.
2. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, What The Puck (18 goals): Obviously similar to teammate Corey “Chongo” Winters, Woodsworth will benefit from What The Puck’s high-scoring offense. However, he will also be hamstrung by the broad distribution of goal scorers in captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s arsenal. Nevertheless, Woodsworth always brings a little something extra to the table…some might even say an “X-Factor”.
1. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Cobra Kai (20 goals): Bratta currently has a two goal lead on his nearest competitor, and with two games left to play, he is clearly the odds-on-favorite to collect this honor. Of greater suspense might be his battle with the Happy Little Elves for total goals in a season, which he currently leads by two.
