Posts Tagged ‘news and notes’
Week 18 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 20th, 2011Monica Is Actually Unconscious
The women’s tournament will take place on Saturday, October 1 (rain date 10/8) at Tompkins Square Park, beginning at 10 AM. It costs $20 to play with all proceeds going to GGE – Girls for Gender Equity, a non-profit group that is committed to improving the physical, psychological, social and economic development of girls and women. There is a two-game guarantee with the top two teams playing in a playoff final. During breaks in the action, there will once again be an auction to throw pies in the faces of some of BTSH’s most visible characters. Tournament organizer Dana Kravis submitted the following promotional material regarding the event:
The rivalry is heating up between the captains of this year’s women’s charity street hockey tournament. Although Kami Moore tried to keep the peace, she actually ended up adding fuel to the fire by naming her team “Irene.” Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli, captain of team “Jonathan Taylor Thomas,” noted, “It’s just in really bad taste. My parents’ lawn chair got knocked over by that storm, and I know a girl who lost a potted basil plant from her back deck in Brooklyn… just… gone.” Amy Jones, captain of team “Buffy Summers,” was insulted by Monica Russo’s choice of team name, “Rayanne Graff.” Says Jones, “I was Rayanne Graff, OK? The producers of My So Called Life totally based that character on my high school exploits, and did I ever see a dime of those royalties? No. I told Monica all of this at Ace Bar last week, and then she goes and names her team that. BTSH rule number one, Monica. Rule number one!” Monica Russo claims to have no memory of that conversation at Ace Bar and was not available for comment after being noogied into submission by Danberg-Ficarelli. “That chick is jacked,” she was heard muttering after the noogying.
The one thing all four ladies agreed on was that every girl in the league should immediately register for the women’s tournament here:
Week 17 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 13th, 2011Dan Owens Can Still Win The Scoring Race
With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2011 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion. Here are the top contenders for this coveted achievement, which guarantees one pull from the media’s Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:
Denis Miciletto, La Famiglia (21 goals): Miciletto has dominated the league this season, compiling a seven-goal cushion over his closest competitor. He has recorded a goal in 13 of La Famiglia’s 15 games and is currently riding a 10-game scoring streak. However, this streak is in some danger of ending during La Famiglia’s last two games. Miciletto will be shooting against two of the league’s top goaltenders in Eric Ramirez (Butchers) and Tim Brown (Poutine Machine). In addition, with La Famiglia having clinched the Donohue Division title already, captain Dave Ladanyi has hinted that Miciletto may only see a handful of shifts per game in order to rest up for the playoffs. Nevertheless, he remains the overwhelming favorite. Odds of winning: 1-10.
Shafiq “Off Black” Perry, La Famiglia (14 goals): Perry has benefited from being Miciletto’s linemate for the 2011 season, taking full advantage of opposing defenses’ focus on BTSH’s scoring leader. However, he is tired of living in his heavily tattooed teammate’s shadow, and Perry has vowed to claim the scoring title for himself, even if it means utilizing the “Jason Eitel method” of hockey, which involves no passing whatsoever. In fact, there are even rumors that Perry has bribed La Famiglia defender, and self-proclaimed league assist leader, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri not to pass to Miciletto. Ant took the money, but can you really trust him? Odds of winning: 35-1.
Week 15 News and Notes
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011The J Is For Jeremy Schumacher
For the second consecutive season, the Weyersberg and Schumacher conferences faced off in the annual BTSH All-Star Game. The Schumacher Conference was out for revenge this year after losing an intense 3-2 matchup last season. To ensure victory, two of the conference’s greatest hockey minds were recruited to coach the Schumacher All-Stars. Unfortunately, Cobra Kai’s Enayet “Retail” Rasul and Poutine Machine’s Jo-Ann Provencher had to back out, and the conference was left with the tandem of La Famiglia’s Shafiq “Off Black” Perry and Mega Touch’s Julie Katz. To make matters worse, the Weyersberg Conference selected the beloved duo of Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair and Melissa Budnick of the Happy Little Elves as its coaches.
Week 14 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011Dave Adds Another Trophy To His Resume
As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we the writers thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org, and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting facts and figures we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics:
1. The most viewed post to this point in the season has been the preview for the games of Week 6. Perhaps visitors were attracted by the main photo of Fresh Kills’ Nick Hobbs donning a pair of Hanson brother-like glasses to promote the Game of the Week between his team and Cobra Kai. However, as intriguing as this matchup and the photo are, we can only assume that traffic for the post would have easily doubled had Fresh Kills’ Justin “The Boss” Ross allowed us to use a similar picture featuring him as well as Hobbs.
2. An occasionally searched term over the past two months was “demon beauty contest.” Our readers are obviously quite savvy, because although the media never reported on it, the Denim Demons did in fact hold a team beauty contest over the Memorial Day weekend. Entrants included Dave Shyu, Lauren C., “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau, Danny Polinsky, and Dez Penascino. However, due to his perfect score in the swimsuit competition, David Kenneth Fraser was the clear cut winner and was thus declared the undisputed “Most Beautiful Denim Demon.”
3. BTSH.org accumulated the most pageviews for the season on March 21, the day the team previews for Cobra Kai and the Mathematics were posted. Sources indicate that a bulk of these pageviews came from Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper, who repeatedly hit the reload button on his browser in disbelief that his former teammate Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker had joined Cobra Kai. However, this explains only half the story. We can also verify that this picture of Mathematics defender Justin “Ballard” Perras and the intrigue surrounding the Mathematics anonymous general manager created a ton of buzz.
Week 13 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 19th, 2011Jason Finally Got His Star
Third Star: These members of Poutine Machine, Poutine Machine. These three all contributed to Poutine’s solid defensive effort, which resulted in a shutout of MacNeil Division foe Mega Touch. In addition, we’re always impressed when we see a bar showing like this.
Second Star: Jeff Kamen, Denim Demons. Kamen tallied a hat trick in the Game of the Week against Filthy Gorgeous to push the Denim Demons to a 4-3 victory. With the win, the Demons maintained possession of first place in the Rubens Division.
First Star: Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers. With only two goals entering this game, Eitel put in an A-Rod-like stat-padding performance with four goals in the Hookers’ 9-3 win against Gut Rot. Of course, in fairness, after accumulating his goal stats, Eitel finally listened to his mother’s advice to pass more, resulting in an assist to Albert “Al” Huang.
