Posts Tagged ‘news and notes’
Week 16 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008Whose Name Will Go Alongside Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s?
Does The Nickname Get Engraved Too?
With one week remaining in the season, the race for the coveted BTSH scoring title is heating up. Here is a breakdown of the top contenders:
5. Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck (15 goals): Chongo remains a long shot to win this competition as he has a lot of ground to make up, and no individual player has scored more than five goals in a game this season. Although What The Puck’s potent offense is certainly capable of providing him with ample opportunity, the goals usually spread out among all of the team’s talented attackers.
4. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (15 goals): Eitel has missed the Hookers’ last two games with an injury, and his status for the upcoming weekend is still unknown. However, should he be able to play, he will have the benefit of playing a makeup game, in addition to his regularly scheduled one.
3. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (17 goals): Pichon has the ability to put in three or more goals in any given game, as he has already had a five goal game earlier this season (against the Happy Little Elves). However, he will be closely marked by a staunch Denim Demons defense (try saying that three times fast), in a game that has playoff seeding implications at stake for both teams.
2. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, What The Puck (18 goals): Obviously similar to teammate Corey “Chongo” Winters, Woodsworth will benefit from What The Puck’s high-scoring offense. However, he will also be hamstrung by the broad distribution of goal scorers in captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s arsenal. Nevertheless, Woodsworth always brings a little something extra to the table…some might even say an “X-Factor”.
1. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Cobra Kai (20 goals): Bratta currently has a two goal lead on his nearest competitor, and with two games left to play, he is clearly the odds-on-favorite to collect this honor. Of greater suspense might be his battle with the Happy Little Elves for total goals in a season, which he currently leads by two.
Week 15 News and Notes
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008Say No More (Mon Amour)
It’s Rex Manning Day!!!
A buzz was in the air last weekend. Although, on the face of it, Sunday seemed like it would just be a normal day of BTSH hockey, league commissioner Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg had other ideas. Through his extensive connections in the music industry, Weyersberg arranged for famed recording artist Rex Manning to appear at Welcome to the Johnson’s. He dubbed it “Rex Manning Day”. Despite the long lines this created at BTSH’s favorite hockey bar, everyones excitement level was sky-high for a chance to meet the British pop star. One BTSHer, Filthy Gorgeous’s Monica Russo, even fainted upon meeting the icon, when Manning gave her a light peck on the cheek. What The Puck’s Corey “Chongo” Winters described the spectacle, “This was truly the happiest day in my life. I have all of his albums, so to finally meet Rex Manning in person is a dream come true, eh?” The best news of the day came at the end of the evening, when bartender Brent Smith announced that the event had raised enough money to prevent the Johnson’s from turning into a Music Town.
Week 14 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008Those Crayons Came All The Way From Easton, PA
Sascha Was Too Embarrassed Even To Show Up
In one of the marquee matchups of the day, a highly motivated LBS, Inc. defeated the Corlears Hookers and officially established themselves as the “white team” of BTSH. Although this game had important implications regarding playoff seeding, there was far more at stake between the two teams. As the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the league Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explained earlier this summer, “We’ve been wearing white since this league was initiated!” However, when the Corlears Hookers formed last season, they also adopted white as one of their primary team colors. Although the game had no formal stakes to it, it was clear that the winner would be perceived as the top “white team” of BTSH.
The game proved as intense as one might expect with such a large payout, but LBS, Inc. eventually emerged victorious from the battle. The Alpha Male’s fiery (albeit, somewhat nonsensical) pre-game ramblings had actually motivated his team to go the extra mile. Following the game, the media presented him with a box of Crayola crayons featuring 64 different colors to honor his now famous rant. The Alpha Male claims he will continue to find ways to pump up his team as they prepare for a deep run in the playoffs.
Week 13 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Oh No! Not Another Clip Post!
Top Ten Storylines From The First Half Of The Season
10. A BIG NAME CHANGE. Unhappy with his original nickname of “Tiny”, Kevin Foster of Fresh Kills petitioned the media for something new, claiming (in somewhat of a non-sequitur) that he’s “really just a sensitive guy.” After hours of intensive research and brainstorming, the media officially decreed Kevin’s new nickname to be “The Planet“, due to his all-world talent. The Planet is extremely satisfied with the change.
9. ANOTHER DUTCH. The media is happy to announce that there is yet another Dutch in the annals of BTSH. Congratulations to Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney on the birth of his daughter, “Dutch’s Niece“.
8. NEW TEAM IN BTSH. After an impressive victory in their inaugural game, the Happy Little Elves seemed destined to make a big splash in BTSH this season. Unfortunately, despite the accolades by the media and their peers after the first weekend, they have yet to win a game since. In addition, to add insult to injury, an anonymous member of Filthy Gorgeous is quick to comment on their new uniforms: “That’s the same color we had in 2006. Then we realized it was really ugly.”
7. TWO MAD DOGS? It’s no secret that everyone wants to be like What The Puck, but few teams actually succeed in doing it. The Mathematics, however, found a way. In what may be the best league prank of the season, several Mathematics dressed like the iconic team in orange. Humorously, one unnamed What The Puck member actually thought the Mathematics were her real teammates and sat with them prior to the game…no one had the heart to tell her the truth.
6. MIGHTY SQUIRRELS FIND A NUT. After finishing in fourteenth place last season, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene knew she had to make some adjustments. This season, with a new found all-star goalie and Greene’s patented “fundamentals first” style of play, the Squirrels find themselves nestled snugly in the top tier of the standings. Now, if the Squirrels can just find a way out of Tim “(S)crappy” Gray’s seven year contract, they’d be golden.
Week 12 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008Wait A Minute! That Sky Fighter Isn’t Martin!
Those From Staten Island Were Sent Home
This year’s All-Star Game deviated from BTSH’s traditional random division of teams by splitting players based on their current residence. With the battle line of the East River clearly drawn, a new rivalry of Brooklyn and Queens versus Manhattan and Jersey began. However, it should quickly be noted that the Manhattan/Jersey alliance is tenuous at best. The game commenced with the East taking an early lead on a goal by Eric Devlin of Bad Touch. Unfortunately, much like a real Bad Touch game, this would prove to be his side’s only goal. Towards the end of the first half, the West struck for three quick goals, scored by Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics), Matt Workman (Filthy Gorgeous), and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (What The Puck). A late second half goal by the West’s Micael Holmstrom (Denim Demons) iced the 4-1 victory.
Although the West won bragging rights until next season’s contest, the game’s outcome was not the only story of the day. While his team came up short, East co-coach Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens intimidated his opposition, sporting a purple blazer, a fedora, a pair of sunglasses, a yellow legal pad, and an “I Love Brooklyn” t-shirt. West co-coach Rachel “A-Korn” Greene had a beer and a cigarette. Other highlights include a failed attempt at multi-ball by Mexican Standoff, a Rehabs bum rush on Craig “Ug” LaCombe, and referee Sven Larsen getting hit in the testicular region by a ball.
With his team’s loss, Rubens remained true to his word, and the entire East team was forced to swim home to Brooklyn.
