Posts Tagged ‘news and notes’
Week 12 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 27th, 2010Anklebiters Caught!
Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report:
The following charges are brought:
First, that the Gouging Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing free agent recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established drinking hours.
Second, that for the fifth consecutive season, the Anklebieters have achieved a deficient knowledge of league rules and guidelines.
Third, that the Anklebiters routinely provided dangerous performance-enhancing drugs to its players during the playoff weeks.
And most recently, that a Roman toga party was held, from which I have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
These are the charges as recorded this day July 27, 2010. Faithfully submitted, Haanwa Chau, Disciplinary Chair.
After consulting with former Disciplinary Chair, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, Chau has placed the Anklebiters on “double secret probation”.
Week 11 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010Everyone Loves The Denim Demons
As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we the writers thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org, and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting facts and figures we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics:
1. As expected, the United States and Canada rank as the first and second countries in terms of site traffic, combining for well over 90% of visits. However, it is a little surprising that Switzerland ranks third with 75 visits since June 1. We at the media can only infer that this is due to our unbiased and neutral approach to reporting the BTSH news. Also of note are Israel and South Africa, which each had three visits during this time. Thank you to the Denim Demons’ Jeff Kamen for checking the site while pursuing a Master’s Degree in Israel and Cobra Kai’s Will Kuhns for checking in while working at the World Cup in South Africa.
2. Site traffic peaked on Monday, June 7. Although visitors were most likely looking for the results of the Sega NHL 94 tournament from the previous day, they were instead treated to a picture of Denim Demon David Kenneth Fraser doing a butterfly stretch with the Week 7 box scores. Upon seeing how many people were interested in stretching techniques, Demon captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens graciously posted a full lesson on pre-game calisthenics several weeks later. As of now, that post has been viewed 209 times.
Week 10 News and Notes
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010Congratulations To Your 2010 Fairy Tale Cup Champions!
After several grueling weeks of competition, a new team has emerged as the 2010 Fairy Tale Cup champions: the Dark Rainbows. With their 3-2 defeat of the 2008 and 2009 cup holders, the Unicorns, last Sunday, they have clinched this prestigious (yet imaginary) trophy.
Week 9 News and Notes
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010Will Hurricane Sharif Hit NYC On August 1?
Although Summer has just begun, the BTSH calendar is rapidly filling up with special events and social festivities. Here is a look at what is upcoming:
August 1 – Old Timers’ Game. To commemorate BTSH’s 10-year anniversary, Randy Locklair of the Butchers is organizing an Old Timers’ Game. The game will feature long-standing veterans of the league, as well as a few retired players. Although none of the retired players have been confirmed as of yet, some of Randy’s targets include “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser, Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi, Brendan “Flounder” Hay, Molly Jacobs, Peter “Ski” Oblamski, and Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher.
August 8 – Farewell to Corlears & Johnsons Olympics. BTSH will return to Corlears Hook Park for one last hurrah before NYC converts it to a turf field. Relive some memories as you experience for the last time the joys of the heckle wall, peeing alongside the FDR, and celebrating a goal on the bird bath. After the games, head on over to Welcome to the Johnsons, where Phil “Sandy” Donohue (GA) and bartender Brent Smith will once again host the Johnsons Olympics. Just make sure you don’t accept any cupcakes from Minkus while there.
Week 8 News and Notes
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010With These Two In Charge, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Due to consistent underappreciation and limited access to the league power structure, the goalies of BTSH are in the initial stages of forming a union. As labor conditions continue to deteriorate and goalies have become just an afterthough in league policymaking, this union will finally give the netminders a united front to protect their interests. Cobra Kai’s Peter Lang, who is the founder of the movement, notes, “Goalies get no respect in this league. We’re the ones wearing pounds of equipment in the 90 degree heat, and no one cares.” The Mathematics’ Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, who is Lang’s second in command, adds, “This collaboration is necessary as our plight continues to be exacerbated under the tyrannical rule of the BTSH despots.”
