Posts Tagged ‘playoff preview’
Playoff Preview: Semifinals (Part I)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2011We May Have Reached An Elves Saturation Point
#14 Happy Little Elves (10-7-1-2) at #2 Fresh Kills (13-4-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
2011 Result: Week 16 – Game canceled due to “hurricane fears”
Game Notes: Although the Happy Little Elves have advanced to the semifinals, they have been suffering from internal turmoil since Week 17. During their game against the Gouging Anklebiters, goaltender Shaun deLacy ranted for nearly six minutes about captains Ben Chadwick and Rich Glanzer’s egregious abuses of power over the last few months. He was only silenced when Glanzer finally pulled him from the game, in yet another alleged abuse of his captaincy. In the ensuing weeks, deLacy continued to voice his disapproval with Elves management, while slowly gaining his teammates’ and the fans’ support. However, his crusade was dealt a setback in the opening round of the playoffs, when deLacy arrived 20 minutes late for his game, following a mysterious, anonymous text message that read, “G@m3 m0v3d. $T@rT T!m3 n0w 4.” This miscommunication only furthered deLacy’s cause, as he was incensed that his captains could allow this to happen. As a result, deLacy and several other Elves, including Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos and Courtney McBride, sought the legal counsel of Julie Katz (who is a lawyer) to discuss potential legal action over the “hostile and unsafe workplace” that Chadwick and Glanzer had created. The captains retaliated by gathering the entire team in the middle of the Tompkins Square Park for a vote of confidence in their regime. Representatives for the offense, defense, women, and goaltenders all attended and voiced their opinions. In the end, the majority of the team, including Garrett “Ax” Carrino, Melanie Pessin, Gil Valdes, and Gil’s son, voted “no confidence” and walked out on their captains. Only a small handful did not walk out, including Ryan Nakahara (who has always preached “hustle, loyalty, and respect”), Melissa Budnick, and Rob “Smash” Muggeo, who no-showed after not responding to the meeting’s evite. As a result of this overwhelming lack of confidence, the Elves Board of Directors, made up of Dr. Byron Clavicle, Grüte Skullbasher, the Great Gazoo, and Jonathan “The Barnacle” Levine, had no choice but to oust Chadwick and Glanzer from their positions. In their place, the Board has appointed league face Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair as interim captain and general manager. Meanwhile, Fresh Kills enters this semifinal matchup on the heels of a convincing 6-0 victory against the Dark Rainbows.
Keys To The Game For The Happy Little Elves:
1. After a deLacy-like 3.73 GAA during the regular season, goaltender Shaun deLacy is having a very deLacy-like postseason. Thus far, he has allowed just four goals in nearly three full games. Like last season, the Elves will depend on his solid play to advance to the final.
2. Sophomore brunette, Ryan Nakahara, who only has loyalty to Chadwick and Glanzer, has decided not to play in this semifinal contest. Nak has scored five of the Elves’ nine playoff goals.
3. Due to his modesty, interim captain Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair is very uncomfortable in his new found spotlight. Can this generally well-liked Canadian bring some unity to this now divided team?
Keys To The Game For Fresh Kills:
1. Captain Dave Sokolyansky and his team will be looking to enact revenge on the team that eliminated them from last year’s postseason. Soko claims to have learned from last season’s mistakes and has vowed not to call a timeout if his team is winning by a goal with fewer than two minutes remaining.
2. This team features some of the best players you’ve never heard of. Notables include Nick Scott (not to be confused with Nick Hobbs), Sarah Hobart, and Ashley Singer, who all scored on Sunday against the Rainbows. And what the hell is a Matt Kazior?
3. Fresh Kills newcomer Scott Lee (not to be confused with Nick Scott) led his team to victory last week with two goals, including a breakaway caused by speed and cherry-picking. For the remainder of the game, his teammates consistently tried to set him up for the hat trick, but as usual, he could not finish the job.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. The Elves have won seven playoff games in a row, but this includes two wins in overtime, one in a shootout, and one at the final gun of regulation. At some point, the breaks have to go the other way.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. This one’s pretty close to a toss-up for me, and I’m not sure I have a good reason for picking them. What I do know is that the Elves enter every postseason game with a specific strategy, and so far, they have executed it perfectly.
Watchability: 5 Rhas. Two former champions in a playoff rematch. What more could you ask for?
Playoff Preview – Quarterfinals (Part II)
Thursday, October 13th, 2011Matt May Have The Answer For Rich And The Elves
#14 Happy Little Elves (9-7-1-2) at #1 Corlears Hookers (12-6)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-2
2011 Result: Week 1 – Corlears Hookers 4, Happy Little Elves 1; Week 10 – Corlears Hookers 5, Happy Little Elves 0
Game Notes: Think back, if you will, to your childhood. There you were, a presumably pleasant child, sitting on a braided-rope rug in the rec or living room. Your mother is talking to your father about your grades, your sibling is listening to music, and Legos and Star Wars figures are strewn about you. Your cherubic face ignores all that and gazes up toward the epileptic light of the television. There, pouring out of a cartoon tree, are the Keebler Elves: joyous in their creation of delicious cookies and crackers, fanatic about their baking. There’s a certain delight that flickers through your eyes when you think of their tree-house on fire.
Now go forward, into your future. You and your friends are standing outside, waiting for the large, forbidding man to let you into the bar. It’s not that you don’t have the right clothes on — that Kangol hat is very in right now — just that the bar is full, and lots of people want to drink. Suddenly, a seemingly attractive woman approaches you and attempts to start a conversation. She wants to invite you to a party, a private party. You step off the queue and abandon your friends only to end up in a back alley with a man named Tito demanding payment for services rendered.
Now imagine these two parts of your lives coming together, chasing after an orange ball. Weird, right?
Abby’s Pick: Hookers
Watchability: Infinite
Nick Is Easily Amused
#12 Dark Rainbows (10-7-0-1) at #2 Fresh Kills (12-4-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Jesse Kalb
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 7-5
2011 Result: Week 2 – Dark Rainbows 3, Fresh Kills 2; Week 13 – Fresh Kills 7, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: A clear indication of how tight the Hackett Division was this year: Number 2 overall seed and division winner Fresh Kills finished just five points ahead of the cellar-dwelling Dark Rainbows. Bill Parcells once said, “You are what your record says you are,” but by several metrics, the Rainbows are probably a better team than their #12 seed would indicate. Top 10 in point differential, 7th in scoring, 9-7 overall and a 5-2 record in a very tough division; all of it points to a team no one should be sleeping on. Fresh Kills rode a stellar defense (second-fewest goals allowed) to the 3rd-best record in the league, although nasty rumors are swirling that the team plied Derek and Eli with raspberry Mentos to move them up to #2. This is a very tough one to call, but if the opportunistic Rainbows can sneak in an early goal or two, the Kills might not have the firepower to come back.
Vegas Line: Fresh Kills by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: The squares will see the difference in seeding and be all over Fresh Kills, but this one stays close. Take the Rainbows and the points.
Watchability: 5 candy corn mini-packs.
Playoff Preview: Quarterfinals (Part I)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2011The Sexiest Game Ever!
#8 Denim Demons (11-6-0-1) at #7 What The Puck (10-5-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 12-4
2011 Result: Week 10 – What The Puck 6, Denim Demons 2
Game Notes: Canadiens-Bruins. Avalanche-Wings. Glanzer-Chadwick. Some hockey rivalries are just too bitter for words to properly capture. And WTP-Demons may just be the most intense rivalry of them all. How much do these two teams dislike each other? Rumor has it that Demons Captain Adam Rubens was willing to pay big money for a private Wiggles concert on game day. His insidious plan to trigger multiple amber alerts and lead the WTP farm team away like some kind of BTSH Pied Piper was only foiled when his frugal nature got the better of him, and he hired Coach’s band to imitate the kid tune megastars instead. Needless to say, Aaron’s punk rock take on “Here Comes the Chicken Down the Road” only served to fan the flames of hate. Meanwhile, WTP Captain Larry Zimmer manufactured historical evidence in an attempt to convince Demons star Mike Pereira that he was actually the long lost brother of Filthy Gorgeous players Joe and James Pereira. Zimmer tried to convince the talented forward that he should “play with his family,” but Mike easily saw through the ruse (Note to Zimm, Pereira is not a French last name. You’re thinking of Perrier, dumbass.). Child abduction, counterfeiting, Wiggles concerts. There is nothing these two teams won’t do to give them the edge in this game. On a hockey note, both these teams are quite good.
Sven’s Pick: If WTP is able to ice a full lineup, there’s not a better playmaking team in the league. Demons have a slight edge in goaltending and the Kamen-Pereira 1-2 punch is pretty impressive. But I’m going with the team in blue and orange. WTP in overtime (probably on a goal by Darrell)
Watchability: 4 1/2 Capt’n Featherswords
Does One Of These Men Wear Women’s Shoes?
#11 Butchers (10-7-1) at #4 Poutine Machine (12-3-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
2011 Result: Week 15 – Poutine Machine 4, Butchers 1
Cinderella apparently doesn’t want her slipper back from the Butchers, which is good because late at night when no one is looking, Chris DiMotta likes to wear women’s shoes. But apparently Sven is trying on Monica’s footwear too, as Poutine doesn’t want the clock to strike 12 either. The Butchers surprised the BTSH world last year by upsetting the Rehabs and Demons on their way to the semis. This year, their road doesn’t *appear* to be as hard, having to go through two lower division teams in the Unicorns and Poutine Machine. Backed by a very good goalie in Eric Ramirez, a great scorer in Ben Bloom, and the veteran wiles of DiMotta, the Butchers are a tough out. Poutine doesn’t score many goals. They are led by Captain of the Year Patrick Sven Larsen, and Tim Brown, the league’s best goalie (no offense Craig/Stein/Dustin/deLacy). Poutine is also one of the most spirited teams in the league, and their hard forechecking, play hard attitude will have to carry them past the more talented Butchers. I see a very close game here…mostly because all Poutine games are close. They don’t score or give up goals. It’s sorta like BTSH’s version of soccer. But this game won’t come down to Bloom vs. Brown, it will come down to which Squirrel is mightier, Rachel Greene or Sven. I give Greene a ton of credit for assembling this playoff-ready team, but I have to give Sven more credit (hence, the Captain of the Year). His team goes after it on the rink. Very few times are there any teams with more members at the bar, and I just see the magic in Poutine that I saw with the Sky Fighters in ’09, and the Elves last year. I told a few people that I saw a Hookers/Poutine final before the playoffs started and though I hope I’m wrong with the Hookers, I think I’m right with Poutine. They advance, 2-1.
Game Notes: In case you didn’t get the Squirrel reference, Rachel Greene and Patrick Larsen co-captained the now defunct Mighty Squirrels. Why did they disband? Because they couldn’t beat the Elves in 2008. The Elves went 1-17-1 that year. The win was against the Tuques and the tie was vs. the Squirrels. Shame and humiliation forced the Tuques to change their name and the Squirrels realized they weren’t exactly Mighty since they couldn’t beat the league’s all-time worst team so they just divorced and went their separate ways. True story.
Rich’s Pick: Poutine
Watchability: 4 Ric Flair Wooooos
Playoff Preview: Round of 16 (Part II)
Thursday, October 6th, 2011Dan Demonstrates How He Created His Shirt Design
#10 Sky Fighters (8-5-2-2) at #7 What The Puck (9-5-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-4
2011 Result: Week 14 – Sky Fighters 3, What The Puck 1; Week 18 – What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 2
Game Notes: This game is ultimately going to come down to who shows up for each team. Both SKY and WTP have remarkably close differentials. Both have potentially excellent goal-scorers. Both have experienced players that play well together (again, depending on who shows up for each team). So let’s talk about what we can control: shit-talk. If the Czechs are there, WTP faces problems regarding volume of talk, but they do hold the advantage that most people understand what it is that they are saying in the first place. They’ve also got all those kids on the sidelines that will babble away on command, distracting the Sky Fighters while they’re trying to shoot. There’s also the matter of James Stein’s playoff/cancer-charity moustache, which could possibly get caught behind his giant helmet, causing him to sneeze at a crucial moment. Bottom line: I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Monica’s Pick: I say WTP. They’re clearly pretty virile.
Watchability: 9.99 rugrats. It’s a playoff game. You’ll be watching, if only to see who you have to face in the next round.
Jo-Ann Still Doesn’t Understand How To Buy Things In America
#13 Mathematics (8-6-2-2) at #4 Poutine Machine (11-3-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1-1
2011 Result: Week 1 – Mathematics 1, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO); Week 18 – Mathematics 2, Poutine Machine 1
Game Notes: It’s no secret that I’m a fan of things Canadian (see my roommate and a very underrated band), but I just can’t get behind poutine. Even when it’s called “Disco Fries” and served at a NJ diner after a night of drinking. Maybe it’s the word “curd” that keeps me from slavishly coveting this Northern delicacy. (It’s not that delicate, is it?) I want to be a fan of Poutine Machine; I do! I like Marcus Bonnee. And Jo-Ann Provencher! (See? Canadian) And Sven Patrick Larsen! But my undying love for Justin Perras trumps it all. (He did not pay me to write that, but he should.) My love for him even transcends the devotion I have to Derek and Elly; it’s that powerful! Even more powerful than an Andy Pratt slap-shot.
And it’s those shots that Mathematics is going to need Pratt to keep delivering if they’re going to unseat the 4th ranked, MacNeil Division winners. While it’s true Poutine Machine has a great record within their division, their only division loss came to Mathematics in Week 18 and they tied in the first week of the season. Sometimes a team is in the head of another, so perhaps Mathematics has it on the Machine, but I’m scared for the Mathletes!
Abby’s Pick: Eating poutine is like eating Chinese food, so expect the Machine to be hungry for another win quite soon. (Hey-o!)
Watchability: The limit does not exist!
Playoff Preview: Round of 16 (Part I)
Tuesday, October 4th, 2011Karsten Is Offering Sean A Trade
#12 Dark Rainbows (9-7-0-1) at #5 LBS, Inc. (11-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-6-1
2011 Result: Week 5 – LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT-SO); Week 18 – LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: After a one-sided season series, these Hackett Division foes will meet for the third time this Sunday. When the Dark Rainbows and LBS, Inc. met for the first time in Week 5, the Corporation stole a 3-2 shootout victory after a late tying goal by chief compliance officer Karsten Pichon. When these teams squared off a second time in Week 18, Pichon was the hero once again, as his hat trick lifted LBS, Inc. to a 5-3 triumph. However, despite sweeping the season series, the Corporation cannot overlook the Rainbows for several reasons. First, the Rainbows actually finished with a better goal differential than LBS, Inc. Second, they accomplished this feat despite missing last season’s team scoring leader, John Nielsen, for the bulk of the year, after teammate Luisa Mirarchi “accidentally” checked him. Finally, Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds has vowed to break out his team’s old, faded pink jerseys in order to confuse LBS captain and CEO Sascha Puritz and her white-clad warriors.
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc. The Corporation looked impressive in their final regular season game, when they slammed Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills 4-1.
Watchability: 4 Meyers
Alfred Is Facing A Watered-Down Version Of Himself
#14 Happy Little Elves (8-7-1-2) at #3 La Famiglia (13-1-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After finishing the 2010 regular season on a seven-game winning streak, La Famiglia continued to shred its competition in 2011. With just one loss in regulation, the team finished with the best record in BTSH to finally wrestle the Prince of Weyersberg trophy away from the Denim Demons. La Famiglia boasted the league’s top goal differential, as well as its top scorer, Denis Miciletto, who averaged more than a goal per game. However, one loss has stuck with Dave Ladanyi and company since last year’s playoffs, a 7-4 loss to the Happy Little Elves in the 2010 Round of 16. While this loss left a bitter taste in the mouths of La Famiglia, it also marked the Happy Little Elves’ first playoff win in franchise history and spurred them on to the BTSH championship. Thus, despite a mediocre 2011 regular season, the Elves still pose a major threat to La Famiglia. They appear to have regained their hunger and desire from one year ago, as they soundly defeated the Tompkins Square Riots in last Sunday’s opening round game.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. To improve the odds of a victory, captain Dave Ladanyi has given defensive stalwart Ant Ventolieri the last two weeks off.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I’m not sure they have another championship run in them, but captain Rich Glanzer has at least one more trick up his sleeve.
Watchability: 4 Muggeos. The scorekeeper (Eli) will have his hands full when the top two offenses in BTSH collide.
