btsh.org

Mad Dog’s Cooking Up Something

#1 What The Puck (14-3-0-1) vs. #10 Fresh Kills (9-8-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-5-1
2008 Result: Week 10 – What The Puck 4, Fresh Kills 2
Game Notes: These two teams meet in the quarterfinals after taking opposite paths to get there.  Regular season champion What The Puck easily dispatched of a shorthanded and exhausted Bad Touch squad via the mercy rule.  The team succeeded on both ends of the court as six different players notched a goal, while the defense and goaltender Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz pitched a shutout.  It should be noted, however, that team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri (though active) did not record any statistics.  Conversely, Fresh Kills scratched and clawed their way through their game to a narrow one goal victory against a peaking Sky Fighters team.  Stalwart defenders Scott Townsend and Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg stymied the fierce onslaught of Sky Fighers attackers Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka and Rob Kucera.  Fresh Kills will need to repeat this effort in order to upset the highest scoring team in the league.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  If they can mercy a team with just one hour to prepare, imagine what Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer can do with a full week to study his opponent.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  They remain the top collection of talent in the league.

LBS, Inc. Looks To Downsize The Unicorns 

#2 LBS, Inc. (14-3-1) vs. #9 Unicorns (11-6-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-6
2008 Result: Week 4 – Unicorns 4, LBS, Inc. 1
Game Notes: Both of these teams advanced to the second round after outstanding performances by their respective goalies.  Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. pitched his first shutout of the season in a sound defeat of Mexican Standoff (who nearly skipped the game to go to the beach).  Karsten Pichon scored two goals, despite missing his linemate, the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the game, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin.  For the Unicorns, Craig “Ug” LaCombe held the Rehabs scoreless, leading his team to a 4-0 victory.  In typical Unicorns fashion, four different players tallied a goal for the Yellow.  Although the playoff implications for this game are obvious, Poulin has introduced a new element as he has recently started to criticize LaCombe’s pasty white skin, claiming he stole that color from LBS, Inc.  LaCombe responded that he was born that way, and if anyone should change, it should be Poulin and his crew.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  When Poulin speaks, his teammates deliver (see Corlears Hookers/LBS, Inc. regular season matchup).
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  They have drawn little fanfare and press this season, but the Unis truly have three of the finest scorers in the league in Chris, Mark, and Nelson.

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Can The Demons Finally Lick The Tuques?

#5 Denim Demons (11-3-2-1) vs. #12 Tuques (8-9)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 6-1
2008 Result: Week 15 – Tuques 3, Denim Demons 2
Game Notes: For the second straight year, the Denim Demons enter the playoffs as the fifth seed.  Although they appeared nearly invincible throughout the first part of the season, they have returned to Earth in the last few weeks.  They have now lost three of their last five games, a stretch that began when they lost to the Tuques.  Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens even remarked that he is actually happy to have a rematch against the Tuques, so the Demons can enact revenge for starting this trend.  However, revenge may not come easily.  The Tuques are now 8-0 in games where they outscore their opponents.  In addition, the 5 vs. 12 game is always a dangerous one for the favorite.
Eli’s Pick: Tuques.  An upset would further enhance the best season in team history.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons.  Rubens is too crafty to lose to the same team twice in one season.

Sean Will Be Better Prepared For This Rematch Than He Was For This Picture

#6 Dark Rainbows (11-5-1) vs. #11 Mighty Squirrels (7-7-3)
Location: Corlears South, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-0
2008 Result: Week 13 – Dark Rainbows 3, Mighty Squirrels 1
Game Notes: As the Dark Rainbows look to defend their BTSH Championship, they will meet a familiar foe in the opening round.  Although the Rainbows defeated the Squirrels in the 2007 playoffs, the Squirrels were the only team to score a playoff goal against standout goalie Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell.  During the season, the Rainbows struggled with Tyrrell on the disabled list and star forward John Nielsen joining the Peace Corps for the summer, but both are now back, and the Rainbows are primed for another title run.  One could say the Squirrels’ season has had several ups and downs, but that person would be wrong.  The Squirrels began the season undefeated through their first ten games and then proceeded to lose their next seven in a row.  Whether captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene can right the ship for the playoffs remains to be seen.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  Two of the best goalies in the league face off in what could be the lowest scoring game of the day.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  The Squirrels have the heart to take this one, but the Rainbows’ Nielsen and P.T. Walkley will provide too much offense.

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What The Puck’s Opponent Can’t Stop What They Can’t See

#1 What The Puck (13-3-0-1) vs. Mexican Standoff/Happy Little Elves/Bad Touch
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads Mexican Standoff 6-0, What The Puck leads Happy Little Elves 1-0, What The Puck leads Bad Touch 9-2
2008 Result: Week 2 – What The Puck 9, Mexican Standoff 2; Week 15 – What The Puck 3, Happy Little Elves 2; Week 1 – What The Puck 6, Bad Touch 2
Game Notes: In addition to finishing first in the overall league standings, What The Puck also boasts BTSH’s highest scoring offense.  The team combined for seventy-five total goals, with three of their players finishing in the top ten: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (18), Corey “Chongo” Winters (15), and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (14).  Renowned as one of the craftier captains in the league for his exhaustive game-planning and film study, Zimmer will have to devise three separate strategies for What The Puck’s unknown opponent.  Regardless of who it is, What The Puck will be heavily favored.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. The regular season champion has never lost in the opening round.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  They have a small team, but everyone on it is good.

LBS, Inc. Looks To The Playoffs

#2 LBS, Inc. (13-3-1) vs. Gouging Anklebiters/Mexican Standoff/Happy Little Elves
Location: Corlears South, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads Gouging Anklebiters 8-1; LBS, Inc. leads Mexican Standoff 5-0; LBS, Inc. leads Happy Little Elves 1-0
2008 Result: Week 3 – LBS, Inc. 5, Gouging Anklebiters 3; Week 10 – LBS, Inc. 6, Mexican Standoff 5 (OT-SO); Week 9 – LBS, Inc. 7, Happy Little Elves 3
Game Notes: Although second-seeded LBS, Inc. should be poised to make a deep playoff run, their focus is far from BTSH at the moment.  As Wall Street continues to topple, the corporation is heavily immersed in damage control.  In fact, majority shareholder Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (who is referred by that nickname on all corporate documents) has already released a statement that he will be absent from the game as he continues to reassure the Board of Trustees.  It reads, “Although I will be unable to attend this week’s game due to circumstances beyond my control, I am confident that our CEO Sascha Puritz, CFO Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett, Compliance Officer Karsten Pichon, and the rest of our exceptionally talented staff will deliver a decisive victory.”
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  If they win by more than five goals, Poulin’s stock goes up a full two points.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  It’s tough to imagine LBS, Inc. losing to a team that’s playing its second game of the day.

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This Game Will Feature A Lot Of Hair (And Sand)

#15 Gouging Anklebiters (4-13) vs. #18 Bad Touch (1-15-1)
Location: Corlears North, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 5-4-1
2008 Result: Week 10 – Gouging Anklebiters 6, Bad Touch 0
Game Notes: An 0-7 start buried the Anklebiters’ hopes for a high playoff seed this season, and although they played a little better down the stretch, they still find themselves in the play-in game.  Despite having one of the more dangerous rosters in BTSH, the ‘Biters have struggled this season due to frequent absences from some of their key players.  Star forwards Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri and Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton have both missed several games this year for a variety of reasons, as has starting goalie “Quiet” Mike O’Connor.  Although the Bad Touch only have one win to show for the season, captain Eric Devlin is quick to point out that they are a lot better than their record may indicate, as four of their losses have been by only one goal.  Devlin leads the team with twelve goals, which ties him for eleventh place in BTSH.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  DiPierri won’t score four goals again, like he did in their regular season meeting, but the ‘Biters will still prevail.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  To emphasize, they have the ability to shock a lot of teams…if everyone actually shows up.

Jefferson Hendricks Will Destroy Any Elves Who Get In His Way

#16 Mexican Standoff (2-12-2-1) vs. #17 Happy Little Elves (1-14-1-1)
Location: Corlears South, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mexican Standoff leads 1-0
2008 Result: Week 5 – Mexican Standoff 5, Happy Little Elves 2
Game Notes: Despite the offseason addition of offensive superstar Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette, Mexican Standoff finds themselves in the play-in game for the second consecutive year.  Even with Naitch’s offensive prowess in the mix, the team has scored only twenty-seven goals this season, with no individual player having more than four.  The Happy Little Elves are still winless since their first game of the season, but have been playing much better hockey in the last few weeks (although they would have been hard-pressed to play worse).  Since the addition of Garrett Carrino over the break, the Elves have lost two games by only one goal and another game against the Corlears Hookers in shootout.  Carrino now leads the team with five goals, even though he has only played in four games.
Eli’s Pick: Mexican Standoff.  They do have an all-star goalie.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  Carrino really could be the next elite player in BTSH.  It should be fun to see the numbers he puts up in 2009.