Posts Tagged ‘Sky Fighters’
Week 16 Preview
Thursday, August 26th, 2010Chris Doesn’t Like Being Touched
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (6-4-0-3) at Sky Fighters (7-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: With only a point separating first from fourth in the Hackett Division standings, tensions will be high in Saturday’s clash between the Happy Little Elves and Sky Fighters. Although the Elves have performed decently this season and are still in a good position to win the division, co-captain Rich Glanzer believes the team is still playing well below its potential. The Elves currently boast the most goals on the season, but they have also allowed the most. Thus, after months of in-depth analysis, film study, and computer simulations, Glanzer has concluded, “I’ve determined that it’s our team defense that has been the problem…So I’ve created what I am calling, ‘The Elves Team Defense Initiative!!'” To help the league understand this complex project, Glanzer has provided this primitive sketch of his plan. He adds, “From now on, I’ve instructed all Elves to play better defensively, and stop giving up scoring chances. I’ve also instructed our goalie not to let the puck in as much.” After viewing Glanzer’s diagram, Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper seemed unconcerned about this initiative. Hopper commented, “According to the sketch, it seems like the Elves want to have six players on the court. Last I checked, that was still illegal in BTSH.” Hopper also wanted to remind the league of the “Sky Fighters Defensive Initiative,” which is simply Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka playing defense for 50 minutes.
Keys To The Game:
1. While Glanzer’s artistic skills are limited, his coaching abilities should not be underrated. When these teams last met in Week 19 of the 2009 season, Glanzer called a late timeout with the score tied. During this break, he diagrammed the game-winning play, which not only clinched the Elves victory, but also preserved his place in the Survivor Pool.
2. Since the media uncovered Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka’s secret play for the Sky Fighters in 2008, a curse has befallen each of his teammates in the diagram. Four separate incidents have caused Samantha Lee, Amy Lott, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker, and James Townsend-Butterworth to leave the team, leaving Cejka as the only player who is still on the team. Thus, it may be only a matter of time before the Czech superstar is forced to leave for one reason or another.
3. With the Elves’ talented, yet sluggish, defender Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri expected to miss this week’s game due to a broomball tournament, it will be up to the hobbled Glanzer to bring down the average speed of the team.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Dan Hopper’s strategy actually works.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Maybe the refs won’t notice the extra player.
Watchability: 4 Barnacles. With the Dark Rainbows facing a very hot LBS, Inc., the winner of this game could be the division leader at the end of the day.
Week 12 Preview
Thursday, July 22nd, 2010“Damn It Derek, Enough With The Lime Green Shirts!”
GAME OF THE WEEK
Filthy Gorgeous (7-2-0-1) at Sky Fighters (6-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-1
Game Notes: Two of the league’s highest scoring teams face off in this Weyersberg Conference matchup. After a mediocre 2-2 start to the season, Filthy Gorgeous has steamrolled the competition, going 5-0-0-1 in its last six games. The team’s offense has been on fire yet again this year, with the trio of Sunny Mehra (10), “Gentleman” James Pereira (9), and Suvin “The Guru” Malik (7) combining for 26 of Filthy’s 39 goals. The Sky Fighters offense has also been potent, as the team has found the back of the net 36 times this season. However, unlike previous years, when the team relied heavily on Czech national Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, the Fighters boast a deeper and more balanced attack. Six different players on the team have scored at least four goals, but no one has scored more than six. With only two points separating these teams in the overall standings, both squads will be thinking about potential playoff seeding as we begin the home stretch of the season.
Keys To The Game:
1. Dan “D.O.” Owens has been rock solid in net for Filthy Gorgeous this season. He has allowed more than two goals just twice. However, he is yet to record a shutout.
2. Sky Fighters starting goalie James Stein has listed himself as “out” for this game with a bad case of scurvy. Backup Robert Kucera is expected to start in his place.
3. To counteract the presence of the Sky Fighers’ teenage prodigy Sam Lassner, Filthy Gorgeous captain Monica Russo has enlisted the help of a third Pereira brother: twelve year old John “Scooter” Pereira.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. They’ve quietly moved into second place in the Rubens Division.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. Scooter’s speed and hard wrist shot should complement the abilities of his linemates Joe “Monster Mash” Essock and Liza Watts nicely.
Watchability: 4 Workys. With the Sky Fighters sporting their blue jerseys as the home team, will we get to see Filthy’s V-necks yet again?
Week 6 Preview
Thursday, May 20th, 2010Dan Hopper Is Having The Best Week Ever
GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (1-2-0-1) at Sky Fighters (2-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: Past champions collide in this highly anticipated Hackett Division battle. The Dark Rainbows struggled to open the season, with losses to the Unicorns, What The Puck, and Gouging Anklebiters. However, they are now coming off an impressive 4-2 win against the Happy Little Elves in a Fairy Tale Cup matchup. 2009 team scoring leader John Nielsen led the way in this contest with two goals, including the game-winner. The Sky Fighters were also slow out of the gate, as they too lost to What The Puck and the Unicorns. However, they have turned things around with back to back shutouts of Mega Touch and Poutine Machine. With both teams coming off of momentum-building wins, this matchup looks a lot better than it did a week ago.
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Dark Rainbows are tied for most goals against in BTSH, goalie John Meyer played impressively last Sunday, holding the Happy Little Elves’ potent offense to only two.
2. Sky Fighters netminder James Stein has not allowed a goal in more than 100 minutes of play. How long can he continue this hot streak?
3. Due to attendance issues last week, Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper almost had to break out his patented “50 Minutes of Martin” strategy. However, with an extra player showing up five minutes into the game, Martin played just a scant 40 minutes instead.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They’ve gotten rid of all of their offseason rust.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. I’ll go with the more recent champions.
Watchability: 4 Abdos
Week 1 Preview
Thursday, April 8th, 2010The X-Factor’s Offseason Regimen Does Not Inspire
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck at Sky Fighters
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-2
Game Notes: The best game of BTSH’s opening weekend pits perennial contender and 2009 runner up What The Puck in a championship game rematch against the Sky Fighters. Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut boasted the league’s top offense in 2009, and with all of their primary scorers returning, the team is expected to light the lamp often once again. Despite a mid-season ankle injury, Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta led the team with 20 goals. This year, the offense should be further bolstered as he returns at full health. The Sky Fighters were led by defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who also registered 20 goals. However, unlike previous seasons, Cejka had a much stronger and more noticeable supporting cast, including David Cernan and Greg “Mr. August” Cohan. Together, Cernan and Cohan combined for three of the Sky Fighters six goals in the championship game. With revenge still on What The Puck’s mind, the defending champs will need this supporting cast to step up once again.
Keys To The Game:
1. With the Sky Fighters raising their championship banner in an elaborate pre-game ceremony, they will have a clear mental edge as the game begins.
2. Although What The Puck lost in the championship game, the team is quick to point out that it was their second game of the day, as they had just finished a grueling semifinal against Fresh Kills. The team is looking forward to the chance at avenging its loss while fresh.
3. This contest will feature the two most recent August centerfolds from the BTSH Hunk Calendar. What The Puck’s Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. was showcased in 2009, while the Sky Fighters Greg “Mr. August” Cohan will be highlighted in 2010. Interestingly, 2008’s Mr. August, Bryan “Stork” Welch, will be reffing.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. They weren’t intimidated for the championship game, and they won’t be here either.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Mad Dog is too crafty to lose to the same team twice in a row.
Watchability: 5 Hoppers. It’s the championship rematch and also Opening Day.
Season Preview: Sky Fighters
Monday, April 5th, 2010The Big Sexy Tour 2010 Begins…
Color: Sky Blue
Year Founded: 2007 (current version), 2002 (original version)
2009 Regular Season Finish: 14-7 (7th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Defeated What The Puck in championship game
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
Home Arena: Lott Gymnasium
2009 Leading Scorer: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, 20 goals
Key Additions: Stephanie Tybinka (Free Agency)
Key Losses: Alice Bertoni (Fresh Kills)
