Posts Tagged ‘Weekly Previews’
Week 13 Preview
Thursday, July 24th, 2008What The Puck Needs To Rest Up
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (9-2-0-1) vs. LBS, Inc. (9-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-4
Game Notes: What The Puck and LBS, Inc. currently sit in a tie for second place, only one point behind the Corlears Hookers. Both teams feature similar gameplans, as they each have small rosters comprised almost entirely of stars. Three players on What The Puck (Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, Corey “Chongo” Winters, and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer) now have double-digit goals, while Karsten Pichon of LBS, Inc. leads the league with fifteen. In addition, both teams rely on consistent goaltending as a solid base to their explosive offenses. What The Puck’s Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz registered his first shutout of the season last week, while Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. has won all three of his starts since being reassigned to the mail room. The winner of this game will be one step closer to locking up a high seed in the playoffs.
Keys To The Game:
1. Despite missing a fair number of games, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman remains one of What The Puck’s top offensive threats, as he now has eight goals on the season…one for each of the stripes on his socks.
2. After serving a five game suspension, the self-proclaimed “cleanest player in BTSH”, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin now has eight goals as well. He and his linemate Karsten will look to demonstrate why they were named the media’s Best Duo of 2007
3. What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has put a bounty on the head of former teammate and current LBS, Inc. player, Erica Lee. He explains, “You’re either with us or against us…and if you’re against us, it’s your ass.”
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. They’ve been playing with a lot more focus since they went corporate, which can only be attributed to CEO Sascha Puritz’s “no suspensions” policy of professional conduct.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. If they can get full attendance, they can run with anyone. Plus, team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri will once again be out with a strained white beard, so that can only help them.
Week 12 Preview
Thursday, July 17th, 2008This Rivarly Is Brought To You By The Letter S
GAME OF THE WEEK
Rehabs (6-3-1-1) vs. Denim Demons (6-0-2-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 6-4-1
Game Notes: This game represents one of the most storied and bitter rivalries across all of BTSH, as both teams are very open about their dislike for one another. The combative history begins with their original meeting in 1932, when Rehabs captain Sean “Nine Toes” O’Malley scored the game winning goal in octuple overtime in a game featuring more than 100 minutes of penalties. The next series milestone occurred in 1966 when Demons prankster Lisa “Moonbeam” Williams laced the Rehabs pre-game meal with LSD. Tensions boiled over again in 2003, when the Demons changed their color scheme to the Rehabs’ signature Red and Black, from their previous teal and fuchsia. Finally, just last season, when Rehabs schemer Jon Feldman discovered that the Demons were pre-emptively planning a celebratory dinner, he snuck into the team clubhouse (Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s apartment) and smashed all of their fine China. This earned him the nickname, “Dinner Plate”. Fireworks are expected this Sunday when the rivalry continues.
Keys To The Game:
1. Rehabs defender Stacy Kehoe’s high school class will be taking a field trip to watch this game on Sunday. She has promised them no homework on Monday if the Rehabs are victorious, so the fan support will be boisterous.
2. Upon further review, it’s summer, so ignore the previous note.
3. But then again, she might teach summer school…see note one.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. “Con” Ed Lau turns off the power at the Demons’ hotel, causing most of them to oversleep.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. Micael Holmstrom never sleeps.
Week 11 Preview
Wednesday, July 9th, 2008Can These Two Stay Undefeated?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mighty Squirrels (6-0-3) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (7-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-1
Game Notes: Both of these teams enter the weekend tied for first place in BTSH, alongside LBS, Inc. and What The Puck. Although Filthy Gorgeous boasts the second highest goal total in the league with forty, they have relied on several different players to account for their scoring. Joseph Pereira currently leads the team with just six goals, while Matt Novick, James Pereira, and Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon have each contributed five. The Mighty Squirrels’ offense, on the other hand, ranks in the middle of the pack, but their defense is tied for second in goals allowed. Although captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene’s “back to fundamentals” approach to hockey is a large factor in their new found defensive prowess, much of the credit can go to new goaltender Tommy Mayoros, who has allowed only nine goals in eight games. The winners of this game could find themselves in the unexpected position of first place as the break rapidly approaches.
Keys To The Game:
1. Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis now has six of the Mighty Squirrels’ twenty-four goals. With Revechkis accounting for twenty-five percent of the offense, keeping him in check should be a priority for Filthy.
2. While Filthy Gorgeous goalie Dan Owens’s goals against average is not as sterling as Mayoros’s, he has been just as effective. He is coming off of his first shutout of the season and has not lost a game since week two.
3. Mighty Squirrels superstar defenseman Gary Kowalski has a hearing scheduled with the city of New York on Sunday at 4 PM to discuss seventy-six unpaid parking tickets. Although the meeting is downtown, it is unclear if he will be able to make the game.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. Monica 1, Sven 0.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. Offense beats defense, and the Squirrels suffer their first loss of the season.
Week 10 Preview
Thursday, June 26th, 2008The Unicorns Are Limbering Up For Their Big Game
GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (7-2) vs. Unicorns (4-5)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-2
Game Notes: This game represents the second leg in the battle for the prestigious Fairy Tale Cup. In the first leg, the Dark Rainbows soundly defeated the Happy Little Elves 4-0. Thus, with the Rainbows currently in possession of the (imaginary) trophy, they only need a tie to keep it. However, this will be no easy task, as the Rainbows’ star goalie, Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell is still sidelined with a shoulder injury. In addition, the Unicorns are coming off of one of their best efforts of the season, a 6-1 defeat of the Bad Touch. Although the Unicorns are hovering around a .500 record, a win over the defending league champions could prove that they are for real.
Keys to the Game:
1. The Dark Rainbows have used two different backup goalies thus far: Sean Reynolds and John Nielsen. Depending on whom they choose, they will lose either one of the league’s top defenders in Reynolds or top scorers in Nielsen.
2. Although the Unicorns boast an extremely balanced scoring attack, Nelson currently leads the team with six goals, which includes a hat trick last week.
3. An unconfirmed source is reporting that Unicorns goalie Craig “Ug” LaCombe’s herpes has flared up again. Whether this clears up by Sunday’s game and how much it will affect his play remain to be seen.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. The cup stays with them for another year.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Another week without White Jesus is too much for the Rainbows to overcome.
Week 9 Preview
Thursday, June 19th, 2008The Squirrels Are Looking Mighty Smug These Days
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mighty Squirrels (5-0-3) vs. Denim Demons (5-0-1-1)
Location: Moffo, 6:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 3-0
Game Notes: The Mighty Squirrels are now the only team left in BTSH without a loss of any kind and have been one of the biggest surprises of the 2008 season. Although the Squirrels lack a true offensive superstar, they have cruised through their competition on the strength of their teamwork and solid defense. Despite coming off an unexpected bye week, the Denim Demons were not rewarded with a lot of free time. After his team lost in a shootout to Filthy Gorgeous two weeks ago, captain Adam “Legen(d) Killer” Rubens ran several extra two-a-day practices to whip his team back into shape. Since neither team has lost in regulation time or overtime yet this season, it’s only fitting that this game gets the “primetime” booking at 6 PM.
Keys to the Game:
1. In another cunning gambit by Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, defensive stalwart Marie Marberg recently switched positions to forward. The move has already paid dividends as Marberg scored her first goal of the season last week.
2. In an unusual situation for such a successful team, the Denim Demons have used a rotating goalie system this season. Although Noah Farkas appears to be at the top of the depth chart, Zack Tinkelman and Steve Chernoski have both recorded shutouts between the pipes.
3. Squirrels enforcer Sven Larsen will proudly unveil a new stick this Sunday, made completely of solid granite. Although the stick weighs close to fifty pounds, Sven claims it will add two miles per hour to his wrist shot.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. The Squirrels are very familiar with the 6 PM Moffo game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. By the way, I’m still waiting for my “Team Scrappy” shirt.
