Posts Tagged ‘Weekly Previews’
Week 5 Preview Part 1
Thursday, May 1st, 2014This has been an exhausting week for me. Derk and Elly are watching the Rangers Game 7, so now I’m forced to write this preview a day earlier than I wanted to. But I’d rather not get into a public spat about how much I’ve been carrying them this whole season.
Sometimes I do so much, and they do so little…I feel like an old Papua woman.
(BTW, my obligatory Becky Norris mention is this Papua woman can beat Becky in arm-wrestling)
So now that we got this drama out of the way its time for our Game of the Week! Before the season, a Mega-Poutine matchup did not seem like it would garner a ton of GOTW action, but last week, both teams pulled off impressive upsets and deserve The Authority’s attention.
Week 4 Preview: Part II
Thursday, April 24th, 2014GOTW: Happy Little Elves at Denim Demons
Our second Game of the Week features one of the league’s nastiest rivalries. Even though the Elves and the Demons are no longer in the same division, this should still be a spirited affair. Last week, the Elves took a big step towards retaining the no longer prestigious (but still imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup with a win against the Gremlins, while the Demons suffered a tough loss to LBS, Inc.
The Fairy Tale Cup may be imaginary, but the Barnacle Bowl is real.
Who is this mysterious Boris? He’s got three goals on the season and has been one of the biggest reasons for the Elves’ 2-0 start (Rob Walsh and his four goals have too, but we’re not focusing on him). Is he American? Russian? Maybe a Bulgarian brute? One thing is for sure, though. Whenever Sarah T. , and only Sarah T., tells Boris to do something, he does. She can be seen during games pacing the sidelines, yelling out instructions such as, “Boris, cover point!”, “Boris, forecheck!”, or “Boris, score goal!”
Keys for the Denim Demons:
Where’s Coach? Has anyone seen Coach? The Demons’ goaltender has been very reliable with his attendance in the past, so his absence is definitely concerning. There are unconfirmed and unsubstantiated “sightings” of Coach from the past few weeks, once at an East Village Chipotle in early April, and once at a Western Pennsylvania Eat’n Park over the weekend. We might need to get Leslie Nielsen involved to find Coach. What’s that? He’s dead?! Uh oh! Unfortunately, the mystery of Coach could take all summer to solve.
This man was our last hope for finding Coach.
The Elves have been firing on all cylinders to start the season, and the aforementioned Boris and newcomer John Brügger have given their roster a little more depth than in years past. If Coach is still not present and accounted for, things could get rough for the Demons. They might have to use the ultimate unknown factor: a free agent goalie. Or, you know, Coach could magically re-appear. Either way, I think the Elves get the win, 3-2.
Rich’s Pick: What do Boris, Walsh and Sarah T. have in common? All probably won’t play this Sunday. Right now we have one girl so I’m not loving our chances. I think I’ll go conservative and just go with Elves 13, Demons 0.
Derek’s Pick: If Rich is telling the truth (which he always does), and Boris, Walsh, and Sarah T. are all AWOL, I have to go with the Demons, 4-2.
Week 3 Preview (Part 1)
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014Game of the Week
Anshu is 7 steps ahead of Cherie. This doesn’t bode well for Math.
So the Game of the Week is the game with the two undefeated teams. We all knew the Hookers would be undefeated since they didn’t play Fresh Kills yet, but this is the first time Math’s been 2-0 in their history. (Unless they’ve done it before…how the hell should I know?!?) (Emeritus Note: It happened in 2013. You know, last year! Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for our esteemed Editor-In-Chief, Rich Glanzer!)
Keys for Hookers:
After touring all 10 Provenchers of Canada, Jason Eitel is set to make his season debut.
Here he takes a picture with me and a special ed adult.
Well we know “HE” is back for the Rehabs but what about Jason Eitel? Did he retire from the league after being named Championship MVP? The answer is no, because we don’t name a Championship MVP…though that’s a pretty good idea. Truthfully, the Hookers are so stacked that if they are missing 2-3 guys it really doesn’t matter. For the Hookers to win they should play a patient game and not let Math feed off of their emotion. Math is going to want this game more than the Hookers, so the champs should just settle the game down and make this game about skill.
Week 2 Preview: Part II
Thursday, April 3rd, 2014
Another protip: a generic image can get you out of a tight jam.
Here’s a little protip: if you ever suggest a potential Game of the Week to Richie, there’s a good chance he’s going to make you write about it. Of course, on paper, the Riots/Rainbows matchup is an ideal candidate for this prestigious distinction. It’s one of only three divisional games this weekend, which should theoretically make it one of the closest contests of the day. Plus, with Cobra Kai, Gut Rot, and Mega Touch all facing squads in higher divisions, it’s highly possible for either the Riots or Rainbows to be in sole possession of first place of the Greene Division with a 1-0 record. Finally, let’s be honest, the Riots and Rainbows both have potential to be somewhat irrelevant by mid-season (no offense), so we may as well discuss them while we can. So here we are.
Can’t get mad at Derk. He said no offense.
GOTW: Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows
by Derek Tagliarino
Keys for the Riots:
Believe it or not, the Riots actually won this division in 2010 with more or less the same squad that they have now*. If they can recapture whatever swag they had four years ago, there’s absolutely no reason to think they can’t do it again. They all play ice together in the offseason, so the chemistry is obviously there, and the addition of wily veteran Suz should give Patrik Blohmé, Alex Frenette, and the rest of the offense a much needed boost. So crank up the Taio Cruz and “California Gurls”-era Katy Perry, and let’s bring this bitch back to 2010.
*Granted, they finished last in the Donohue Division the very next season, which is why they’re back, but that’s besides the point.
16 year old Biebs says a lot has changed since 2010.
Keys for the Rainbows:
The Rainbows were the Gretchen Weiners of this division last season, remaining in second place for virtually the entire season. However, with the Mathematics gone, the title of Queen Bee of the Greene Division is up for grabs. For the Rainbows to do that, they’ll need to get their women involved a lot more this season. Of course, Josh Wilson, Sean Reynolds, Mike Dudelovitch, and Bryan Harris will all get their flavor, and Ariel Kipnis is so fetch between the pipes, but do you know who led the Rainbow women in goals last season? It was a four way tie including Rebecca Norris and Julie Katz…with one goal. (Glanzer Note: Julie, who is moderately good-looking also scored one more goal for the Elves than I did. 1)
She’s even wearing pink! This analogy is flawless.
Prediction:
Both of these teams boast relatively solid offenses, so it’s going to come down to defense and goaltending in the end. I know we here at the Neo-ORG are all pretty high on Dave Gil De Rubio’s semi-final shutout (to the point that it’s a trope, only a few spots down from “rain fears” and “Jo-ann’s accent”), but in a one-game, must-win situation, I’d rather have Ariel on my team. That said, the Rainbows take this one, 3-1.
Rich’s Pick: Riots/Rainbows: Please buy Derk a beer for fighting for this to be GOTW2. Riots have the best players, Rainbows have a better team, 3-0 Rainbows
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows 4, Tompkins Square Riots 2
Week 1 Previews (Part 1)
Thursday, March 27th, 2014So this season we’re going to combine the best of Derk&Elly and the best of Sven. D&E gave one GOTW, and Sven pretty much gave detailed recaps of every game. So, we are going to combine the two ideas and give two GOTWs and much shorter previews to every other game. In order to make a GOTW…you gotta earn it with Ws.
No charities here. Win at the courts, Ace Bar and Skee*T*Ball
We think most of you are assholes, but not this kid. He seems kinda cool. I like his style.
Speaking of assholes, lets get to the first GOTW for 2014! Congratulations Tuques and Anklebiters. The Tuques “won the off-season,” so they get the first GOTW.
