Posts Tagged ‘what the puck’
Week 8 Preview
Thursday, June 10th, 2010Can The Elves Upset What The Puck Once Again?
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (5-0) at Happy Little Elves (4-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: High-octane offenses will collide, as the top two scoring teams in BTSH face off in a Weyersberg Conference showdown this Sunday. What The Puck has lit the lamp an impressive 28 times this season, good for second most in the league. However, with one fewer game played than a majority of the league, Larry’s Orange Juggernaut ranks first in per game scoring. Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer lead a balanced attack with six and five goals, respectively. The Happy Little Elves lead all of BTSH with an astounding 31 tallies through six games. Rookie Trevor Beauclair has quickly made his presence known with his team-leading eight goals, which also ranks him second in the league. Even more stunning are the six goals from Elves captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick. With both teams averaging more than five goals per game, expect a lot of offense in this brightly colored battle.
Keys To The Game:
1. As a by-product of their prolific scoring, What The Puck and the Elves are also ranked one and two in goal differential. However, WTP’s defense and goaltending have been stingier, as it has allowed the second fewest goals in the league, even on a per game basis.
2. The Happy Little Elves stunned the league in Week 22 of the 2009 season with a 7-1 thrashing of What The Puck at Moffo. This outcome prevented What The Puck from clinching the coveted Prince of Weyersberg Trophy. The win, however, did not help the Elves to gain possession of the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.
3. Unhappy with recent acquisition Jeremy Roenick crying on national television, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has exercised his option to rescind last week’s trade that saw Corey “Chongo” Winters go to the Winnipeg Jets. Winters will take over Roenick’s place on the third line with grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and Lisa Harrington.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. They’ve scored at least five goals in each game, and I don’t see the Elves getting six or more here.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. The normally carefree What The Puck players will have revenge on their minds.
Watchability: 4 Beauclairs. Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz’s wild antics and unorthodox goaltending style are worth a Beauclair on their own.
Week 1 News and Notes
Tuesday, April 13th, 2010Anklebiters Under Investigation
BREAKING NEWS – BTSH.org has just been notified that the league’s new Disciplinary Committee manager, Haanwa Chau, has launched a formal investigation regarding potential hazing violations committed by the Gouging Anklebiters. Although it is suspected that these infractions have actually gone on for several years, it seems the former DC manager, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, never pursued any complaints. Part of Chau’s investigation will thus include a review of whether Schumacher himself has or had any ties to these allegations as well.
Several witnesses have testified that they saw two Anklebiter rookies, as well as one veteran, in Parkside Lounge on Friday sporting embarrassing and demeaning costumes that the senior members of the team forced them to wear. Despite these personal accounts, team captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue remains adamant in his stance that his team has done no wrong. He comments, “I fully anticipate that upon completion of this investigation, we will be absolved of all charges.” Your humble correspondants will continue to track this story as it unfolds.
Week 1 Box Scores
Sunday, April 11th, 2010What The Puck Can’t Think Of A Good Caption Either
What The Puck 5, Sky Fighters 1
What The Puck: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (1), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (1), Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (1), Corey “Chongo” Winters (1), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (1)
Sky Fighters: Greg Infanti (1)
Corlears Hookers 5, LBS, Inc. 3
Corlears Hookers: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (1), Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (1), Josh “Doc” Sadlier-Brown (1), Noelle “Slapshot” Safar (1), Dan Thompson (1)
LBS, Inc.: Sam Anthony (1), Erica Lee (1), Karsten Pichon (1)
Rehabs 4, Happy Little Elves 3 (OT)
Rehabs: Lateef Nurmohamed 2 (2), Alex Doucette (1), Tom Houston (1)
Happy Little Elves: Garrett “Ax” Carrino (1), Ryan Nakahara (1), Gil Valdez (1)
Game Notes: Carrino scored the tying goal with one minute remaining in regulation, just two minutes after Houston scored to give the Rehabs a one-goal lead. Nurmohamed scored the game-winning goal in overtime.
Denim Demons 5, Filthy Gorgeous 1
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira 3 (3), Bob DiProspero (1), Zack Tinkelman (1)
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra (1)
Game Notes: Tinkelman scored the first goal of the 2010 season.
Tompkins Square Riots 2, Butchers 1
Tompkins Square Riots: Patrik Blohmé (1), Grant Mason (1)
Butchers: Rob Neilson (1)
Game Notes: Blohmé gave the Riots a two-goal lead with two minutes remaining in regulation. Neilson scored for the Butchers one minute later, but they were unable to complete the comeback.
Cobra Kai 3, La Famiglia 1
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns 2 (2), Mark Talercio (1)
La Famiglia: Roger Ma (1)
Game Notes: Kuhns’ game-winning goal broke a 1-1 tie with 11 minutes remaining in regulation.
Poutine Machine 2, Mathematics 1 (OT-SO)
Poutine Machine: Salman Haq (1)
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt (1)
Shootout: Poutine Machine wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Salman Haq.
Mega Touch 5, Gut Rot 2
Mega Touch: Joe Lops 2 (2), Eric Devlin (1), Jonathan Hanson (1), Brett Oppedisano (1)
Gut Rot: Christopher (1), Tommy (1)
Unicorns 4, Dark Rainbows 0
Unicorns: Joe (1), John (1), Mark (1), Sara (1)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (1)
Fresh Kills 6, Gouging Anklebiters 0
Fresh Kills: Justin Ross 2 (2), Nick Hobbs (1), Brice Rosenbloom (1), Dave Sokolyansky (1), Mike Sokolyansky (1)
Shutout: Patrick Barch (1)
Week 1 Preview
Thursday, April 8th, 2010The X-Factor’s Offseason Regimen Does Not Inspire
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck at Sky Fighters
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-2
Game Notes: The best game of BTSH’s opening weekend pits perennial contender and 2009 runner up What The Puck in a championship game rematch against the Sky Fighters. Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut boasted the league’s top offense in 2009, and with all of their primary scorers returning, the team is expected to light the lamp often once again. Despite a mid-season ankle injury, Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta led the team with 20 goals. This year, the offense should be further bolstered as he returns at full health. The Sky Fighters were led by defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who also registered 20 goals. However, unlike previous seasons, Cejka had a much stronger and more noticeable supporting cast, including David Cernan and Greg “Mr. August” Cohan. Together, Cernan and Cohan combined for three of the Sky Fighters six goals in the championship game. With revenge still on What The Puck’s mind, the defending champs will need this supporting cast to step up once again.
Keys To The Game:
1. With the Sky Fighters raising their championship banner in an elaborate pre-game ceremony, they will have a clear mental edge as the game begins.
2. Although What The Puck lost in the championship game, the team is quick to point out that it was their second game of the day, as they had just finished a grueling semifinal against Fresh Kills. The team is looking forward to the chance at avenging its loss while fresh.
3. This contest will feature the two most recent August centerfolds from the BTSH Hunk Calendar. What The Puck’s Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. was showcased in 2009, while the Sky Fighters Greg “Mr. August” Cohan will be highlighted in 2010. Interestingly, 2008’s Mr. August, Bryan “Stork” Welch, will be reffing.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. They weren’t intimidated for the championship game, and they won’t be here either.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Mad Dog is too crafty to lose to the same team twice in a row.
Watchability: 5 Hoppers. It’s the championship rematch and also Opening Day.
Season Preview: What The Puck
Saturday, April 3rd, 2010What The Puck: A Decade Of Excellence
Color: Orange
Year Founded: 2001
2009 Regular Season Finish: 16-5 (2nd place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Sky Fighters in championship game
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
Home Arena: Elks Lodge 878
2009 Leading Scorer: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, 20 goals
Key Additions: Lisa Harrington (Tuques)
Key Losses: Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri? (Old Age)
