Week 11 – Game Previews – Part 1
Editor’s Note: It’s the dog days of BTSH. The weekends where the team with better attendance usually wins. And it becomes hard to tell goalies from homeless people (we hear Mike Tuckman made $50 in spare change last week). But fret not, ball chasers. After this Sunday, we’ve got a two-week break! In the spirit of the season we asked our correspondents to not only prognosticate on this week’s matchups but also find out what some of these teams plan for their summer vacation. The answers may surprise you!
Happy Little Elves at La Famiglia
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Abby “In the Know” Meisterman
Perhaps it’s Dave Ladayni’s absence that is hindering La Famiglia’s ability to rise in standings. It’s not a lack of talent, that’s for sure! This is a team that boasts Hanwaa Chau and Angela Vicari and Lisa Harrington. And everyone knows about Denis Micelleto’s wicked shot and Shafiq Perry. But perhaps that’s the problem: everybody knows! Perhaps the media has done them in.
That doesn’t seem to be affecting the Happy Little Elves, though. The roster is pretty well known for various reasons. (Heels, all of them heels!) Honestly, I thought the “Know Your Neighbor” feature had been retired, but a special edition was made just for Elves-fans’ favorite, T-Beau. Jenna Cruff and Ben Chadwick were even featured on CBS news! Perhaps the media is only fuel for their fire. If we ignore them, will they start losing?
Since this is a rematch of last week, it’s likely La Famigilia will be looking for revenge as they were beaten 5-3, with only Miceletto scoring. However, now that we’ve talked about both teams, it’s also likely we’ll see a repeat of the Elves pushing La Famiglia further down in the standings.
Editor’s Note: Since Abby completely ignored her assignment (typical), we’ll mention that most of the Fam will be attending their annual reunion. Like all of their events it’s mostly an opportunity to callously remove deadweight from the organization (just ask Dave “why’d you all bring tire irons to the team picnic” Ladanyi). Hopefully, the team will be able to curb their homicidal urges to mercy killing Ant Ventolieri and Brian Ferry.
The Elves are all decamping to Long Island, mainly due to the fact that Ben Chadwick started a rumor that Rich has a pool. In fact, it’s a the cover for a palace coup by Chadwick, Cruff and power behind the throne Gil Valdes. A word to the wise, Rich. There’s no such thing as a free pass to Action Park.
Rehabs at Lbs
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
By Rich”the $howtime Enabler”Glanzer
The Rehabs and Lbs. are two teams with vastly different skill sets. For instance, the Lbs. are really good at scoring and winning hockey games.
No, I’m not stupid. Maybe the Lbs. will give up a goal, maybe they wont, but they wont give up two. And Karstan, Ken and Sam are going to score, so my prediction is 3-1 for the Lbs.
As for the what the Rehabs will do for their summer vacation, I really don’t care since the Rehabs Suck. What I really want to know is who is the scoring leader in BTSH this season? Is it Jeff Kamen of the Demons, is it Mr. Double Hattrick Karstan, is it me? (Its not me!)
Editor’s Note: I take it back, Rich. That trip to Action Park sounds like just the ticket for you. It took us 9 weeks to fix standings so I don’t know why you think we’d have scoring stats before September. Let’s just assume that Karsten’s six-goal game has probably got him top of the charts. #GiveUsChadwickToo
Denim Demons at Gremlins,
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square Park West
by Eli “I Miss Camp” Kazin
Editor’s Note: This theme thing may not be working out. Game prediction, Eli? It’s the league’s hottest offensive player (Jeff K.) vs. the league’s hottest goalie. Look for the Demons to pick up another “W’ with a 4-2 victory.
Here’s what Gut Rot does on their summer vacation (for purposes of this exercise, we’ll assume that the entirety of Gut Rot is one entity):
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square Park East
by Monica “Cut the Crap” Russo
Has a baby
Editor’s Note: So that would be a 4-4 tie? Sure, let’s say that’s what it’s going to be.
Butchers at What the Puck,
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square Park West
We all know the Butchers don’t really try and win a game until around Week 16. Up to that point it’s really more about making Ben look good, not embarassing Eric and trying to keep Ashley “Mad Dog” McMasters from facing the DC or serious prison time.
Meanwhile, the WTP squad are usually worrying about whether it’s Mother or Father’s Day, a double header at Citifield, or the lawn needs mowing (all “legitimate”reasons team Captain Larry Zimmer has given as reasons to miss a game). Even Romeo is usually hanging out at the Jersey Shore to attend summer games (although giving us the awesome new MTV reality series “Romeo and Jwowette” really makes up for it).
In short, these two teams have been on summer vacation since Memorial Day.
Call it a 3-2 victory for WTP based on who’s in net for the Orange Crushes and how well Michelle’s wedding plans are going.
Goddammit, is it September yet?