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What The Hell Is Andrea Doing On the Left Side?

Jim Dandeneau Didn’t Even Get The Chance To Be Booed Off The Stage
This year’s Sharif Corinaldi Hot Legs Competition featured the largest entrant pool in the event’s short history.   Without previous champions, Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Minkus competing, there was no clear favorite among the pack.  However, despite the plethora of particpants, the contest quickly whittled down to three finalists: Jason “The Hamburglar” Rosenstock (Mexican Standoff), James Townsend-Butterworth (Sky Fighters), and Ali Chenitz (LBS, Inc.).  As clothes continued to be shed, and beer continued to be poured, one competitor rose above the others.  Rosenstock recognized his boyhood dream, as he was declared the winner by the boisterous crowd.  As per tradition, bartender Brent Smith “presented” Rosenstock with a victory cupcake.

What’s Supposed To Go In There, Amy?
With hosts Phil “Sandy” Donohue and Craig “Ug” LaCombe presiding over the festivities, the Third Annual Johnsons Olympics was a tremendous success.  Although the Hot Legs Competition remains the premiere event of the games, the undercard contained several highlights as well.  Here are the winners and some event notes:

Over The Top Arm Wrestling Tourney: Dave Ladanyi (Tuques) and Amy Kovner (Gouging Anklebiters)…Although Amy is the recognized (two-time) female champion of BTSH, she was later defeated in a non-title match by bartender Lindsey.
Hot Dog Eating Contest: Dan Owens (Filthy Gorgeous)…Monica Russo correctly predicted this victory several days prior to the competition.
Sascha Puritz Memorial PBR Chugging Contest: Corlears Hookers (1 minute, 2 seconds)…Shockingly, the masses responded to the winners with a round of boos.
Bar Napkin Love Poem: Amy Lott (Sky Fighters)…Amy spoke from her heart, and the crowd appreciated it.
50/50 Raffle: Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson (Corlears Hookers)…The raffle raised a few hundred dollars for Kelly Buchanan.  Thanks to all who entered.
Pool Shark Tourney: Discontinued…Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner is disappointed that this event ended prematurely, as he actually won his first round game.

Know Your Neighbors

Name: Sarah Moore
Team: Tuques
Nickname: None
Suggested Nickname: Buttercup
Rejected Nicknames:Cheesehead, Dutch’s Fellow Wisconsinite, Minkus
Origin: Milwaukee, WI
College: University of Miami University (you know, the one in Ohio)
Early Aspirations: To matriculate into the University of Miami in Florida
Hero: Brett Favre
Reason to Love Her: Her winning smile
Reason to Hate Her: Absolutely none whatsoever!
Fast Fact: Sarah once appeared as an extra during the final season of Laverne and Shirley (when she was one).
Favorite Things: Schlitz, cheese, Milwaukee’s Best, bratwurst, Old Milwaukee
Favorite Milwaukee Mayor: Frank P. Zeidler
Best Known For: She hails from the same state as Brendan “Dutch” Kearney and Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney.
Hockey Comparison: Bill Guerin
Non-Hockey Comparison: Brendan “Flounder” Hay
Reason the Media Will Continue to Overhype Her: The Tuques desperately need and want more press coverage.
Down the Road: Tuques captain Dave Ladanyi trades Sarah to the Corlears Hookers in a devious plot for her to infiltrate their ranks and bring Dutch and Dutch’s Brother back to the Tuques.  After four seasons and two championships with the Hookers, she finally succeeds.  The new and improved Tuques do not advance past the first round, even with the newly formed “Wisconsin Line”.

Captains’ Commendations

Bad Touch: Shannon Roddy and Jane Cramer played the whole game and did a great job.
Cobra Kai: “P.J. [Lopez] was standing on his head all game.  He had like 80 saves…maybe 100.” – Peter Oblamski
Corlears Hookers (1): Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney was an “assist monster”.
Corlears Hookers (2):“Anshu [Sinha] ran her proportionally correct ass off.” – Peter “Purple Rain” Putka
Dark Rainbows: “Give it to that kid, Eric [DiPierri], on the Anklebiters for offering me a beer.  Even though I never got it, it’s the thought that counts.  Also, Trevor’s shoulder adhered to the team policy of staying in its socket.” – Sean Reynolds
Denim Demons: Noah and Sara Farkas lugged their grill to the court so the Demons could have a barbeque.
Filthy Gorgeous: Dana Kravis fought through a severe hangover.
Fresh Kills: Jeff Goldberg played the whole game on defense.
Happy Little Elves: “Marc Surchin had some great shots on goal.  Now, he’s the complete package.” – Rob “Gnarls” Nitschke
LBS, Inc.: Erica Lee was really good on offense and defense.
Mathematics: Mark “Sully” Sullivan nursed his ankle injury with ice cream.
Mighty Squirrels: “Tommy Mayoros played his best game of the year.” – Jesse Kalb
Rehabs (1): Chantel Arroyo was graceful, even with an injury
Rehabs (2): “Meredith [Danberg-Ficarelli], because it’s all about the ladies.” – Bryan “Stork” Welch
Tuques: Ken Rosenkrantz stepped in to play goal for Minkus.
Sky Fighters: Sarah Larson showed up to her second straight game.
Unicorns: Amy stayed in for the whole game.

What The Puck:

Media: Do you have any captain’s commendations for your game, Larry?
Mad Dog: Kat had her first assist of the season.
Media: And what’s her last name?
Mad Dog: Ummm…I’m not sure…  You know what?  I don’t want to give you anything serious, so we’ll go with Rod, because he got his equipment on by the start of the game.

Tags: 2008 season, Amy Lott, Hamburglar, news and notes, tuques, vegetable lasagna

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 10:22 pm and is filed under League Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.