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La Famiglia Doesn’t Want To Blow This One

GAME OF THE WEEK
La Famiglia (6-1-1-2) at What The Puck (8-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-0
Game Notes: Expect a high-scoring game this Sunday when the league’s top two offenses clash in this inter-conference showdown.  Despite their differing methods of attack, What The Puck and La Famiglia currently rank first and second in team scoring, respectively.  What The Puck has spread out the offense, boasting 11 different players with multiple goals this season, which more than any other team in the league.  Only one player, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, cracks the league’s top 10 with 10 goals this season.  La Famiglia, on the other hand, has relied heavily on two players, Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry.  Miciletto (14) and Perry (10) have combined for 24 of the team’s 38 goals.  Because of these explosive offenses, both of these teams reside at the top of their respective divisions.  What The Puck holds a narrow two point lead over Fresh Kills in the Hackett Division, while La Famiglia has a three point cushion on the Unicorns in the Donohue Division.  With both of these races still tight, the winner of this matchup will take a big step towards winning its division.
Keys To The Game:
1. La Famiglia has never beaten What The Puck.  This was partly the reason behind captain David Ladanyi’s signing of the previously retired Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, who is a former What The Puck defender.  Sadly, Ventolieri’s memory is not what it used to be, so he was unable to divulge any of What The Puck’s secrets.
2. To counter Ladanyi’s shrewd gambit, and to strengthen his goaltending depth chart, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has signed former La Famiglia Tuques goaltender Minkus to a one-game contract.  The two bonded while discussing the physics of Mets’ pitcher R.A. Dickey’s knuckleball.
3. What The Puck’s Brock “Butters” Bosacker has been feeling a lot of pressure to perform from his own teammates lately.  “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse has repeatedly threatened to beat Brock if he doesn’t score a goal.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia.  It’s about time for What The Puck’s annual summer swoon.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Their depth carries them to the victory.
Watchability: 4.5 Malguarnera, Jrs.  Both defenses have been just average this season, so these high-powered offenses should see a lot of good scoring opportunities.

Unicorns (5-3-0-2) at Gut Rot (1-9)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The stats tell the tale with this one. Gut Rot has scored only 18 goals in 10 games this year, while Unicorns goalie Craig “Ug” Lacombe has a 1.50 GAA. So if Rotter goalie Bill can pitch a shutout, his fellow whiskey lovers will record their second win of the season. Of course, the MacNeil Division cellar dwellers have also given up 45 goals this season, so the odds are long. However, this correspondent remembers a fabled tournament where the Ugster indulged in a few too many bourbons the night before and couldn’t stop a beachball the next morning. With an early start, and Peaches’ famed ability to get players drunk and/or throwing up before their games (we miss you Molly J.), Gut Rot may yet prevail.
Sven’s Pick: Gut Rot, if Jeff does get Craig to come out to the bar. Unicorns, if Ellery comes with them (or Craig cares about Ws more than PBRs).
Watchability: Two and half fingers of Jack

Corlears Hookers (7-3) at Rehabs (2-6-0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 4-2
Game Notes: In their last game, the Rehabs defeated Gut Rot 7-3 for just their second win of the season.  However, of more significance was Lateef Nurmohamed’s two goals, which finally knocked the Unicorns’ Joe Polowczuk from the top of the Rehabs’ scoring chart.  The Corlears Hookers were also victorious in their last game, and they currently lead the Rubens Division.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  It wouldn’t be right for them to lose on the weekend of Brendan “Dutch” Kearney’s wedding.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Jason Eitel’s new found commitment to passing was unexpected, but it has been surprisingly effective.
Watchability: 2 Malguarnera, Jrs.

LBS, Inc. (6-3-0-1) at Mega Touch (3-6-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-4
Game Notes: Both of these teams struggled defensively in their last game, as each allowed six goals.  LBS, Inc. lost to the Corlears Hookers 6-2, while Mega Touch fell to Filthy Gorgeous 6-4.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Watchability: 2.5 Malguarnera, Jrs.  These teams’ records and series history probably tell the story of how this will go, but Mega Touch made Filthy Gorgeous work for the win two weeks ago.

Mathematics (3-5-1-1) at Dark Rainbows (5-4-0-1)
Written by Hackett Division correspondent Dr. Byron Clavicle
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 3-1
Game Notes: In lieu of an actual write-up, Dr. Clavicle fed some numbers into his Greek-o-Tron 9000 Predictive Supercomputer. It returned the following graph, charting Momentum versus Time and predicting a 3-1 victory for the Rainbows.
Dr. Clavicle’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Watchability: 2 furschlugginer potrzebies

Cobra Kai (4-4-1-1) at Denim Demons (6-3-0-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 4-0-1
Game Notes: Monica is busy making trades with her fantasy baseball team.  Preview coming soon…

Happy Little Elves (5-3-0-2) at Filthy Gorgeous (6-4)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-0
Game Notes: Both teams enter the first game back from the break high off wins. The Elves’ victory over the Dark Rainbows, and thus subsequent nabbing of the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup, may provide more fire under the feet of the pointy-toed shoe-d ones than the feculent yet pulchritudinous ladies and lads can handle. And although Filthy Gorgeous did emerge victorious in their last game, Mega Touch gave them a run for their money scoring four goals to their six. Could it be that the powerful, guiding light that once emerged from “Gentleman” James Pereira’s deep v-neck be waning? Or will FG find a new defensive tactic by letting the sun glint off the pale expanse of Workman’s pectorals?
Abby’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. (Although, I almost picked against them just to receive another scathing comment from Shaun.)
Watchability: 4 Keeblers

Gouging Anklebiters (3-7) at Poutine Machine (6-2-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Poutine Machine leads 2-0
Game Notes: These MacNeil Division teams have met once before this season, with Poutine Machine doubling up the Anklebiters 4-2 in Week 2.  This week, both teams are coming off of wins.  The Anklebiters beat the Mathematics in overtime for their second win in a row, and Poutine Machine turned aside Cobra Kai with a resounding 5-1 victory.
Eli’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  If this were a Jeopardy! answer, the question would be “Which team is tied for the fewest goals allowed in BTSH?”
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  It would be under the category, “Foods That Start With the Letter P.”
Watchability: 2.5 Malguarnera, Jrs.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Sky Fighters (6-2-1-1) at Fresh Kills (7-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 7-7-1
Game Notes: The 4th and 6th highest scoring teams in the league, these two heavyweights will go at it like a couple of South Carolina housewives fighting over the dented-can specials at Piggly Wiggly. This matchup could go a long way toward determining the Hackett Division title (although WTP might eventually have something to say about that). Expect to see both these squads go deep into the playoffs.
Vegas Line: Pick-em
Jesse the Greek says: Stay away from betting either side, but bet the under on these two underrated defensive teams.
Watchability: 4 cans of peaches in heavy syrup

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Tompkins Square Riots (2-8) at Butchers (5-4-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tompkins Square Riots lead 1-0
Game Notes: The numbers here would point to a Butchers win, but the Riots have been more competitive than the stats might suggest. Seemingly outnumbered and undermanned every game, the Riots have generally kept things close in the first half, but their short bench has undermined their potential. HNIT sources aren’t sure if captain Amy Jones is actually aware that teams can have more than 8 names on the roster. The scrappy Butchers have also struggled at times to field a full complement of players, but since their difficult 2010 season, have managed a 5-4-1 record, snatching mediocrity from the jaws of suckitude.
Vegas Line: Butchers by 2
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points, and definitely bet the Riots’ first half line. They should keep it close.
Watchability: Division rivalry game? Always entertaining. 3.5 Millenium Falcons.

Tags: 2011 Season, La Famiglia, Weekly Previews, what the puck

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 7th, 2011 at 11:05 pm and is filed under Weekly Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.