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GAME OF THE WEEK
Rehabs (6-3-1-1) vs. Denim Demons (6-0-2-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 6-4-1
Game Notes: This game represents one of the most storied and bitter rivalries across all of BTSH, as both teams are very open about their dislike for one another.  The combative history begins with their original meeting in 1932, when Rehabs captain Sean “Nine Toes” O’Malley scored the game winning goal in octuple overtime in a game featuring more than 100 minutes of penalties.  The next series milestone occurred in 1966 when Demons prankster Lisa “Moonbeam” Williams laced the Rehabs pre-game meal with LSD.  Tensions boiled over again in 2003, when the Demons changed their color scheme to the Rehabs’ signature Red and Black, from their previous teal and fuchsia.  Finally, just last season, when Rehabs schemer Jon Feldman discovered that the Demons were pre-emptively planning a celebratory dinner, he snuck into the team clubhouse (Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s apartment) and smashed all of their fine China.  This earned him the nickname, “Dinner Plate”.  Fireworks are expected this Sunday when the rivalry continues.
Keys To The Game:
1. Rehabs defender Stacy Kehoe’s high school class will be taking a field trip to watch this game on Sunday.  She has promised them no homework on Monday if the Rehabs are victorious, so the fan support will be boisterous.
2. Upon further review, it’s summer, so ignore the previous note.
3. But then again, she might teach summer school…see note one.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  “Con” Ed Lau turns off the power at the Demons’ hotel, causing most of them to oversleep.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons.  Micael Holmstrom never sleeps.

Tuques (3-7) vs. Bad Touch (1-9-1)
Location: Moffo, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5
Game Notes: Tuques goalie Minkus and Bad Touch goalie Mike Tuckman have both agreed to play this game while wearing blindfolds.  Oddly, the Vegas bookies have still set the over/under at a scant 2.5 goals.
Eli’s Pick: Tuques
Derek’s Pick: Tuques…and I’ll take the over.

Sky Fighters (6-4) vs. LBS, Inc. (8-2-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 6-2
Game Notes: Sky Fighters star player Martin Cejka will be unable to play in this game, as he will be starring in a music video for Christina Aguilera on Sunday.  Some rumors speculate that the two had a brief fling in 2003, but these are unconfirmed.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.

Unicorns (6-5) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (7-3-1)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-0-1
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous is feeling extra litigious this week, as the entire team has been helping Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon prepare for his bar exam on Tuesday.  Consequently, captain Monica Russo has petitioned the league to disqualify the Unicorns from playing in this game, as she feels they will be unable to remain objective in determining a winner.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Good luck to Paul on Tuesday, as he goes from ashy to lawyerly.

Gouging Anklebiters (2-9) vs. Mexican Standoff (1-7-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 7-3
Game Notes: After the “crack at Corlears’s” stellar performance last week, Mexican Standoff head honcho Jefferson Hendricks signed it to a lucrative multi-year deal.  However, due to previously existing contractual obligations, the crack cannot leave the Corlears Hook Park premises to join its new team at Moffo.  Plus, the crack has no legs, so how’s it going to get there?
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  Phil would have filled in the crack with sand anyway.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters

Cobra Kai (3-7-1) vs. Dark Rainbows (7-3-1)
Location: Corlears North, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 2-0
Game Notes: Inspired by the movie, PCU, the Dark Rainbows recently added a new player to their roster: a scrappy Labrador Retriever named “Blotter”.  Never one to be outdone, Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski added that dog from Air Bud.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows

Mathematics (3-8) vs. What The Puck (8-2-0-1)
Location: Corlears South, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 2-1
Game Notes: With all of the Mathematics players receiving their hockey training at The Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer School Of Hockey and Southern Cuisine in Islip, Long Island, it will be difficult for them to pull any surprises on the cagey veteran.  However, even Zimmer admits that no one can match Sarah Coombs’s Brunswick stew (which is awesome!).

Fresh Kills (5-5-0-1) vs. Happy Little Elves (1-9-1)
Location: Moffo, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After a less than impressive start to the season, Fresh Kills has won four of their last five games and are beginning to look like the playoff contender they were last season.  There must be something in the water in FK-land, as even Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg chipped in a goal last week.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves…no, I’m just kidding.  I’ll take Fresh Kills.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  No goals for Bob in this one, but he will have several “close” shots (read as: within 20 feet of the net).

Corlears Hookers (9-1) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-0-3)
Location: Corlears North, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 1-0
Game Notes: Although the Mighty Squirrels appear to be one of the model franchises of BTSH, there seem to be some skeletons in their proverbial closet.  While researching his upcoming opponent this week, Corlears Hookers PR Representative Albert “Al” Huang uncovered documentation that alleges recruiting violations by Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene.  Huang has submitted papers to the league office, which he claims clearly demonstrate the transfer of a car from Squirrels boosters to Al Sansoni.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Fake Dutch lives in my building.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  With the rise of these allegations, the Squirrels’ focus will definitely be elsewhere.

All-Star Game: West vs. East
Location: Corlears Hook Park, 6:00 PM
Game Notes: With extreme residential pride at stake, this All-Star Game promises to be one of the most intense in the history of BTSH.  The West’s “Foreign Exchange” of Micael Holmstrom (Denim Demons) and Martin Cejka (Mathematics) who can both score from anywhere on the court highlights their loaded defense.  In addition, two-time arm-wrestling champion Amy Kovner (Gouging Anklebiters) will add an intimidation factor to this fearsome squad.  The East features lethal scoring threats Adriano Bratta (Cobra Kai) and Eric Devlin (Bad Touch), while Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (Corlears Hookers) and Marie “Injury Waiting to Happen” Marberg (Mighty Squirrels) anchor their rock solid defense.  The team will also be co-coached by one of the most devious minds the league has ever seen in the Denim Demons’ Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens, who has vowed to make his team swim home should they lose.  If they win, he will give each of them a free single use Metrocard to ride the subway (or bus).

Media Records:
Eli: 59-27
Derek: 56-30

Tags: $howT!m3, 2008 season, all-star game, legend killer, Rehabs, Weekly Previews

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 17th, 2008 at 10:38 pm and is filed under Weekly Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.