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A Closer Look At The Rubens Division

Most people consider the Rubens (often misspelled “Reubens”) Division to be the toughest of BTSH’s three divisions.  It boasts the 2008 league champion (Fresh Kills) and runner-up (Corlears Hookers), as well as the only team that has yet to lose in regulation (Denim Demons).  Players such as Jason Eitel, Jeff Kamen, Chris “Crush” O’Neil, Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli, and Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito are just a few of the stars who populate the Rubens Division.

Division Namesake:
Few names can polarize the BTSH community into feelings of vitriol and adoration as much as that of Denim Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.  However, whether you love him or hate him (or are just indifferent), you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who can match his dedication and contributions to BTSH.

  

Current Standings:
Team	Divisional Record	Overall Record
Denim Demons	3-0-0-1	8-0-2-2
Rehabs	3-1-0-1	6-4-0-2
Happy Little Elves	3-2-1	5-6-1
Corlears Hookers	3-2	8-2-1-1
Fresh Kills	3-3	5-6-0-1
Cobra Kai	0-4-1-1	2-8-1-1

Key Upcoming Games:

• Denim Demons vs. Rehabs (7/26): BTSH’s most heated rivalry takes center stage in the sweltering heat of the last weekend of July.
• Happy Little Elves vs. Denim Demons (8/23):  The much improved Elves get another chance to prove themselves against the divisional namesake.
• Denim Demons vs. Corlears Hookers (9/13): The winner of this game should have the inside track to the best overall record in the division.
• Fresh Kills vs. Rehabs (9/27): Some of the fastest players in BTSH will be featured, including Fresh Kills’ Dave Sokolyansky and the Rehabs’ Bryan “Stork” Welch.
• Fresh Kills vs. Corlears Hookers (10/4): Emotions will run high in this title game rematch.
• Happy Little Elves vs. Rehabs (10/4): The Elves look to sweep the Rehabs in their final regular season game.

Divisional Traditions:

• Before every home game, all Denim Demons rub “Rubens Rock” for good luck.  The tradtion began in 2007 when captain Adam Rubens announced, “Give me 110% or keep your filthy hands off my rock.”
• Cobra Kai keeps a life-sized portrait of former captain Peter “Ski” Oblamski in their locker room to motivate them before they play.
• After every Corlears Hookers goal, the team celebrates by blasting “We Like To Party” by the Vengaboys over the Tompkins PA system.
• Prior to the opening faceoff of every Fresh Kills game, captain emeritus “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser rides a horse into Tompkins and plants a flaming spear at center court.
• The pre-game festivities for every Happy Little Elves-Rehabs matchup include a heated staring contest between each team’s current captain.  The tradtion began in 2008 when Ben Chadwick of the Elves and Bryan “Stork” Welch of the Rehabs went face-to-face to see who’s taller.

Congratulations Elves!!!

This past Sunday marked the second leg of the battle between the Happy Little Elves and Cobra Kai for ownership of the illustrious Barnacle Bowl, a traveling trophy named after former Dojo and Elf great, Jonathan “The Barnacle” Levine.  By virtue of their Week 6 overtime win in the first leg of the series, the Elves held the inside track, as a victory in the second leg was the only way for the Dojo to obtain the Bowl.

The Elves, who were looking to secure possession of a traveling trophy for the first time in franchise history, entered the game with an extra kick in their step, as Chris “Crush” O’Neil’s team-leading 11th goal of the season put them in front in the game’s opening minute.  The Elves, however, were unable to maintain this fast start.  Their play became sloppy, and it was clear to both spectators in attendance that the Elves were becoming disorganized.  Some attributed this lack of focus to dissension in the ranks, claiming that many Elves were actually upset about the possibility of winning the Bowl.  Others asserted that the Elves were thrown off their game by the last minute addition of a BTSH media member to the officiating crew.

Whatever the reason, Cobra Kai took advantage of this disarray, tying the game late in the first half.  The Dojo took their first lead of the game when Ray “Domino” Chan’s goal put them up 2-1 with three minutes remaining in regulation.  The Bowl was at their fingertips.  The Elves would not give up without a fight, however, as the newest Elf, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri, tied the game at two with just ten seconds left in regulation.  With overtime and a shootout unable to break the tie, the Elves were awarded the Bowl by virtue of the three points they earned in this two-game series.

The Elves have announced that they will place the Bowl in the center of their trophy case, directly behind a crude and simplistic drawing of the Fairy Tale Cup they claim to possess.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr.
Team: What The Puck
Nickname: None
Suggested Nickname: Agent Orange
Rejected Nicknames: Tall Adriano, Short Brian, Sally, Junior
Origin: Miller Place, NY
College: Emerson College
Early Aspirations: To catch a predator
First Job: Loofah scrubber at the Sea Water Spa in Gurney’s Inn
Current Job: Director of Photography at Silver Ridge Group
Hero: Francis Ford Coppola
Reason to Love Him: Every night, he checks to make sure there aren’t any monsters under Corey “Chongo” Winters’ bed.
Reason to Hate Him: He was one of Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s key acquisitions during the offseason.
Fast Fact: Sal has collected more than 200 different sea shells from the Miller Place Beach.
Favorite Things: Long Island Sound, Denis Potvin, the Karate Kid trilogy, Long Island iced tea
Favorite Pasta: Armoniche
Least Favorite Things: Long Island Expressway, Mike Milbury, Johnny Lawrence, bad lighting
Best Known For: His recipe for homemade spaghetti sauce
Hockey Comparison: Mark Messier
Non-Hockey Comparison: Jean-Luc Picard
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He is a central figure on Mad Dog’s Orange Juggernaut.
Down the Road: Sal teams up with Jock Paul to enter the National Badminton Invitational of Papua New Guinea.  Together, the two cruise through the early rounds of the competition, but run into trouble in the semi-finals when they meet the formidable tandem of Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis and Georgine “Mulva” Paulin.  Revechkis and Paulin eventually win the tournament.

Tags: 2009 season, Happy Little Elves, news and notes, Rubens Division, what the puck

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 at 10:25 pm and is filed under League Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.