Week 14 News and Notes
A Closer Look At The Schloeder Division
Widely recognized as the “Fun Division,” the Schloeder Division includes some of the league’s most sociable teams. Although their hockey skills cannot be dismissed, teams such as the Mighty Squirrels, Gouging Anklebiters, and Mexican Standoff are better known for their off the court prowess and after hours activity. With Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, Phil “Sandy” Donohue, Amy Lott, Jefferson (Peaches), and Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett populating the division, it is no wonder that it is “always a good time in the Schloeder Division.”
Division Namesake:
Though her appearances have been few and far between this season, Andrea “Vegetable Lasagna” Schloeder of the Mighty Squirrels remains one of BTSH’s most popular personalities. Known for her sunny disposition, fondness of beer, and inherent love for the sport of hockey, Schloeder perfectly personifies what this division is all about.
| Current Standings: | ||
| Team | Divisional Record | Overall Record |
| Dark Rainbows | 5-1 | 10-2-0-1 |
| Sky Fighters | 5-1 | 8-5 |
| LBS, Inc. | 5-2 | 10-3 |
| Mighty Squirrels | 2-5 | 5-7-1 |
| Gouging Anklebiters | 1-3 | 5-7-1 |
| Mexican Standoff | 0-6 | 1-11-0-1 |
Key Upcoming Games:
- Dark Rainbows vs. LBS, Inc. (8/2): This upcoming Game of the Week features two of the three 10-win teams in BTSH.
- Sky Fighters vs. LBS, Inc. (8/9): Three of the league’s top scorers, Karsten Pichon and “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin of LBS, Inc. and Sky Fighter Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, will play in this contest.
- Mighty Squirrels vs. Mexican Standoff (8/23): Much like these team’s first meeting, this rematch will most likley have a focus on food, folks, and fun.
- Gouging Anklebiters vs. Dark Rainbows (8/23): This will be a good chance for the Anklebiters to prove themselves against an elite BTSH team.
- Gouging Anklebiters vs. LBS, Inc. (9/27): Anklebiters captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue and LBS, Inc. captain Sascha Puritz’s lifelong friendship provides an interesting backstory to this game.
- Dark Rainbows vs. Mighty Squirrels (10/4): The Dark Rainbows could have the division title and the top overall seed in BTSH riding on the outcome of this final regular season game.
Divisional Traditions:
- Before every home game, Dark Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds parachutes down to mid-court from his private jet.
- LBS, Inc. celebrates every win by stuffing a $100 bill into the mouth of the opposing goalie. This practice has made Rob “Mungo” Gorden of the Squirrels $200 richer.
- Eight Roman slaves carry Sky Fighters superstar Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka to every game in a Sedan Chair.
- As per Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, dancing is prohibited at all Gouging Anklebiter games.
- The halftime festivities for every game between the Mighty Squirrels and Mexican Standoff include an Irish Car Bomb chugging contest followed by a potato sack race.
Know Your Neighbor
Name: Nestor Nonato
Team: Gouging Anklebiters
Nickname: Marmaduke
Rejected Nicknames: Lassie, Deputy Dawg, Astro, Augie Doggie
Origin: Bloomfield, NJ
College: Rutgers, State University of New Jersey at New Brunswick
Early Aspirations: To be the comptroller of Bloomfield
First Job: Gravedigger at the Glendale Cemetary
Current Job: Sales representative for Schering-Plough
Hero: Robert Wilhelm Eberhard Bunsen
Reason to Love Him: He thinks this profile will help him meet women.
Reason to Hate Him: As just another New Jerseyan who went to Rutgers, he brings nothing new to the table (see Greene, Rachel and Meisterman, Abby).
Fast Fact: In his lifetime, he has paid $221.45 in tolls at the Essex Toll Plaza on the Garden State Parkway.
Favorite Things: The Sopranoes, the Jersey shore, advanced enzymology, gumdrops
Favorite Real World Season: Las Vegas
Least Favorite Things: Growing Up Gotti, Thursdays, economics, Sour Patch Kids
Best Known For: Always wearing a yellow undershirt and a big smile
Hockey Comparison: Todd Bertuzzi
Non-Hockey Comparison: Marmaduke
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He took a sabbatical from the 2007 and 2008 BTSH seasons to finish his memoirs.
Down the Road: Using his extensive background in biochemistry, Nestor develops a number of performance-enhancing drugs in an effort to improve the Anklebiters’ fortunes. However, after the team mercy-rules What The Puck in the championship game, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher is forced to take swift and immediate action. The entire squad is ejected from the league, except for Schumacher himself (who receives a one game suspension) and Charles DeFranco (who refused to take any of the supplements).
Tags: 2009 season, Gouging Anklebiters, news and notes, Schloeder Division
hey, shuttuppayomouth!!!! i worked on “growing up gotti.”
oh, and yes, i think it was terrible also. i would designate it as the tipping point of the decline of western civilization.
Let me first state that I’m a Nestor fan. And it’s all in good humor that I post this link.
http://michaelverdi.com/images/marmaduke.jpg
Nestor used to be my Boy!! But now that he’s dissed my Broomball…er…OUR Broomball team for “work”…Nestor is now dead to me. (Though since we got killed 5-0 without him, he’ll be alive to me next week)
Nestor kicks ass (In a Fun BTSH way) and Like LegendKiller, I am and have always been a “Nestor Fan”
[…] zen-like approach to goaltending has been a major factor as well. 3. After reading in the Week 14 News and Notes that LBS, Inc. stuffs a $100 bill into the mouth of every goalie the team beats, Rainbows keeper […]