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Where’s Lateef’s Left Hand?

GAME OF THE WEEK
Poutine Machine (8-2-1-1) at Rehabs (3-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Two of the league’s top goalies face off in this inter-conference showdown.  Poutine Machine’s Tim Brown has dominated the competition in his first full season.  He leads the league in shutouts with five, and has been the backbone of the league’s top defense.  In addition, his goals against average of 1.17 ranks second in BTSH.  However, this game goes beyond just the stats for Brown, as he began his career with a two-game cup of coffee with the Rehabs last season.  Undoubtedly, he will want to put on a stellar showing against his former squad.  Unfortunately, winning will not come easily, as the Rehabs new goalie, Hilary Meyer, has picked up where Brown (and Anthony Romeo) left off.  Her solid goaltending has been the lone constant for the Rehabs this season, and her goals against average of 1.57 ranks fourth in the league.  After a slow start to the season, her team has finally picked up its offense as well, and has now earned points in six of its last seven games, including wins over the Corlears Hookers and defending champion Happy Little Elves.  With both goaltenders playing at such a high level, a low-scoring game is almost a certainty.
Keys To The Game:
1. Poutine Machine rookie Brodie St. John has led the team’s offense in recent weeks, tallying four goals in Poutine’s last four games.  He is part of a virtually unknown offense that is loaded with hidden talent and a man named Mike Haas.
2. Some of the lesser known players on the Rehabs have also gotten hot lately.  Mike Nagin led the team in their upset win against the Corlears Hookers in Week 12 with a hat trick, and notched another goal in the team’s tie against the Elves last week.
3. With interim Rehabs captain Stacy S. Kehoe scheduled to miss this Sunday’s game, the team has turned to BTSH veteran Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett for leadership.  When told of this, Cupcake simply shrugged his shoulders.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  With 16 goals in the past three games, their offense is finally clicking.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  They (Gina) threatened me with violence when I didn’t pick them last week.
Watchability: 4 Caruanas.  Both goalies should keep this game tight until the end.

LBS, Inc. (8-3-0-1) at Fresh Kills (8-3-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 12-5
Game Notes: These two teams face off for the first time this season in the first of two games on the day to feature teams tied for first place in the Hackett Division.  LBS, Inc. comes in with some momentum, having won its last two games, including last week’s 3-1 victory against division rival What The Puck.  However, Fresh Kills also enters on a high note, after the team disposed of the Dark Rainbows 7-3 in its last game.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Will Nick Hobbs be able to make the early game?
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc. Their white t-shirts should keep them cool under the July sun.
Watchability: 4 Caruanas

What The Puck (8-3-0-1) at Sky Fighters (7-2-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-3
Game Notes: This is the other Hackett Division game featuring two teams in first place.  Unlike LBS, Inc. and Fresh Kills, neither of these two teams won last week.  What The Puck lost to the Corporation 3-1, and the Sky Fighters played to a scoreless tie with the Mathematics.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Watchability: 3.5 Caruanas.  We’re expecting skeleton squads for these two powerhouses.

Filthy Gorgeous (7-5) at Cobra Kai (4-6-1-1)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 4-0
Game Notes: To me, writing about Filthy Gorgeous is like writing about your honor student. For those new to the league or for those who just never cared, Filthy Gorgeous was spawned years ago from the loins of the Denim Demons. So, when this team wins, a certain amount of pride wells up in its progenitors. This is a strong team that, despite a rocky start to the season, generally plays well, gets good grades, participates in after-school activities, and drinks its milk. (Said pride exists until they try to overcome their parents, like all children attempt, and then they must be beaten back into submission.) The Dojo, on the other hand, is “entirely peopled with criminals,” despite William Zabka’s “redemption” at the end of the first movie. They have some strong players but their dogma of pain, fear, and defeat not existing makes them seem like the kind of people who would try to beat up on a kid who wears glasses.
Abby’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Watchability: 2 cooling stations

Tompkins Square Riots (2-10) at Gut Rot (1-11)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tompkins Square Riots lead 2-0
Game Notes: This week, Haanwa and Gut Rot take on TSR for the third time…oh wait. No. Not Haanwa, that’s right. Peaches. Peaches and Gut Rot…actually, I’ve not seen Peaches around lately, either. Okay, so I mean Tommy. Tommy and Gut Rot…oh right. Broken leg. Vicky. She’s on that team. We’ll go with Vicky. So this week, Vicky and some other people on Gut Rot take on the Tompkins Square Riots for the third time. Both teams are coming off losing streaks, and with the crippling gross heat that we’ll be undoubtedly facing on Sunday, it could really be anyone’s game.
Monica’s Pick: TSR. The Riots’ talent needs to be given a kick in the pants, but it’s definitely there.
Watchability: 0.5. It’s cute that you guys even think anyone will be watching anyone else’s game in two hundred degree weather.

Mega Touch (3-8-1) at La Famiglia (8-1-1-2)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 8-5
Game Notes: The Tuques are going to win this game 6-4. It’s going to be pretty exciting and possibly the game of the week. But if Julie Katz stands by the slot, waits for Adriano to shoot, and then crashes the net right when he shoots, she will score this week. And since she rightfully voted me as a face in Derek’s heel/face vote, I’m rooting for that to happen!
Rich’s Pick: Pick hasn’t changed since I wrote the game recap 2 seconds ago: Tuques 6, Mega Touch 4.
Watchability: 4 Tskeetballs

Gouging Anklebiters (4-8) at Dark Rainbows (5-6-0-1)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 6-1
Game Notes: For the low-down on this game we turned to longtime DR observer Violet Hartle-Tyrrell, a fan so hardcore she has been known to camp out before Rainbows games. When we asked V what the keys to the game were she said, “We come to hockey on Sundays and Daddy scores and our team wins. Except last week, because we weren’t here and Uncle Sean had to be goalie and it was hot.” If DR captain Sean has to fill in between the pipes again this week, it will be a double blow to the Rainbows since he is both an offensive threat and a key shutdown man on D. The Anklebiters will also be buoyed by the return of their captain, Phil Donahue, from the land of deep-fried Mars bars. But if the Rainbows get their regular goalie back, or the Second Coming of Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrell then it’s a different story. As V has told this reporter on many occasions, “I know how to take care of dogs.”
Sven’s Pick: Rainbows return to their early season form but Anklebiters give them a game.
Watchability: Three Smiley Faces

Butchers (7-4-1) at Unicorns (6-4-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Butchers lead 1-0
Game Notes: When these two Donohue Division teams faced off in Week 5, the Unicorns entered with a perfect 4-0 record, having allowed just one goal on the season.  The Butchers proved up to the challenge, however, and handed the Unicorns their first lost of the season, with Ben Bloom (two goals) and Eric Ramirez (shutout) leading the way.
Eli’s Pick: Butchers.  The Unicorns have just two wins since that loss in Week 5.
Derek’s Pick: Butchers
Watchability: 3.5 Caruanas

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Denim Demons (8-3-0-1) at Happy Little Elves (5-4-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-2
Game Notes: The Elves are the unruly flies in the BTSH ointment. You would be too, if you were them. They are the defending champs, and as such, are determined to motor through the season with their (metaphorical) pants around their ankles, clowning the man and freaking the squares. A true throwback to the BTSH of 2002, when the game was played between a highway and an old folks home, people drank in public, and only half the league even knew what a crease was. George Clinton once described funk as “like a ham hock in your corn flakes.” That is your 2011 Happy Little Elves. I have no idea what to make of the Demons. Their 17 points put them in a 5-way tie for 3rd place overall (!), yet their plus-4 goal differential is decidedly mediocre, despite a current 3-game win streak.
Vegas Line: Demons minus 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points and bet the Elves. They might not win, but I like them to cover.
Watchability: 4 News of the World voicemails

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Corlears Hookers (8-4) at Mathematics (4-5-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-0
Game Notes: Once again, the Hookers are plowing through the season on the way to a top-5 finish, imposing their calm-assertive energy over the league like a band of purple Dog Whisperers. They are relentlessly above-average. This should serve them well this week, since the league is learning that it’s dangerous to sleep on the Mathematics, who, despite a second-division record and goal differential, recently knocked off the Rainbows and played the Sky Fighters to a scoreless tie.
Vegas Line: Hookers minus 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Give the points. Mathematics will keep it tight in the first half, but the Hookers pull away late.
Watchability: 3.5 Michelle Bachmann speeches

Tags: 2011 Season, Poutine Machine, Rehabs, Weekly Previews

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 21st, 2011 at 10:56 pm and is filed under Weekly Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.