Week 2 News and Notes
Trenton Makes, Rachel Takes
New Jersey’s Exports: Precious Metals, Industrial Machinery, and Tommy Mayoros
After struggling with the goaltending tandem of Rob Gorden and Tim “(S)crappy” Gray last season, the Mighty Squirrels seem to be a different team this year. With new goalie Tommy Mayoros in the net, they’ve been walking with a new found swagger…some might even say an air of confidence. They are now 1-0-1 after facing two tough teams. Captain Rachel Greene was sure to note, “People often ask us where we got our awesome goalie from, and the answer is simple. We got him from New Jersey.” New Jersey was offered Scrappy in exchange, but it politely declined.
A Quarter Century of $howT!m3
To celebrate his 25th birthday, Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez partied into the wee hours of the night at the Johnson’s. As is customary with all BTSH functions, things began to deteriorate as the evening wore on. $howT!m3 was eventually caught on (a phone) camera modeling the Sky Fighters’ new skirt. Apparently, there were three other people in the bathroom at the time of the above photo. Good times were had by all.
Whatever You Say, Monica
“More people would like to have sex with Filthy Gorgeous, than with the Corlears Hookers.” — Monica Russo. Obviously, Monica’s never seen Dutch walk through Times Square.
Huh? A Legitimate Note?
“Con” Ed Lau’s third annual tournament to benefit the American Cancer Society raised more than $3,200. Thank you to all who participated or made a donation.
Who Are These Masked Men?
For a variety of reasons, Sunday saw an inordinate number of starting goalies out of action. As a result, several teams were forced to pursue backup options:
Spurred on by the Boston Bruins’ thrilling Game Six victory, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri recorded the win in his What the Puck debut. Father Time seemed to enjoy donning the mask, as it hides his white beard.
With regular goalie, “Quiet” Mike O’Connor absent, the Gouging Anklebiters were forced to scrape the bottom of the barrel by using Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg in the net. Although giving up four goals to the Mighty Squirrels is by no measures a bad game, giving up any goals to Tim “(S)crappy” Gray most assuredly is.
Steve Chernoski registered the shutout for the Denim Demons in his first goaltending appearance in a BTSH game. Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens is proud of him.
The Tuques played with no official goalie against the Unicorns. Despite this disadvantage, they still managed to hold the Unicorns scoreless in the first half and take the game to overtime.
Brent’s Back!
Those who made it to the Johnson’s after Sunday’s games were greeted by a familar face. Everyone’s favorite slutty bartender, Brent Smith, manned the bar like it was 2007. Although it’s arguable how much he was actually working, he plans to serve drinks and mingle every other week. He also plans to “accidentally” spray water on your shirt.
Another Gratuitous Quote
“Sky Fighters played a very good game. Martin [Cejka] got lucky, but that won’t ever happen again.” — Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, on the Rehabs’ overtime loss to the Sky Fighters
Captains’ Commendations
Bad Touch: Michael Tuckman kept the game close with stellar goaltending.
Cobra Kai: Paul “PJ” Lopez was amazing between the pipes.
Corlears Hookers: Amy Goegan played solid defense and stymied the Filthy Gorgeous offense.
Dark Rainbows: Goalie Trever “White Jesus” Tyrrell is the Chosen One.
Denim Demons: Danny Polinsky came directly from the airport to help the Demons win.
Filthy Gorgeous: Jean Hebert was spectacular on defense.
Fresh Kills: Since she does not know any of her teammates’ names, Amy Jones commended “teamwork“. Next time, we’ll just ask Tiny instead.
Gouging Anklebiters: Matt Tsiang “ran around like a chicken with its [expletive deleted] head cut off”, according to acting captain Jeremy Schumacher.
Happy Little Elves: Charlotte Villamil…good work, Charlotte!
LBS: Tommy Capatosta arrived promptly at 4:00 for his 3:00 game.
Mathematics: Gungsadawn “Gunner” Katatikarn has a really long name…and played well on D.
Mighty Squirrels: Goalie Tommy Mayoros earned his first BTSH win.
Rehabs: Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, because it was his birthday.
Sky Fighters: “Samantha [Lee] looked really hot!” – Amy Lott
Tuques: Rui Domingues acted as the team’s goalie, despite having no padding.
Unicorns: Allison created a lot of opportunities on offense.
What the Puck: All the Mad Dog could offer was “Jen Hale ‘Storm’ was swarming.” Thanks, Larry, and that nickname is not sticking.
Tags: $howT!m3, 2008 season, more Squirrels than necessary, news and notes