Week 3 News and Notes
The Anklebiters are Busting Out
Phil’s Too Sexy For His Shirt
For the second consecutive season, the Gouging Anklebiters unveiled new team jerseys. Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner, who considers himself the glue of this team, designed the illustration on the front of the shirt. Unfortunately, unlike last year, the Anklebiters are no longer “Black for Street Hockey”. That designation now falls solely on the shoulders of Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Donald Brashear. A few new t-shirts are being special ordered for Phil “Sandy” Donohue, who is far too ripped for any of the current ones.
This is How Colorado and Detroit Started Too
With the Sky Fighters reforming just last season, and the Happy Little Elves assembling this season, it is only natural that BTSH’s two newest teams would develop a rivalry. In the spirit of competition, captains Amy Lott of the Sky Fighters and Ben Chadwick of the Happy Little Elves held a powwow to determine the stakes for their inaugural showdown. The meeting was held in a back room at Tony’s on 38th Street with the extremely overrated team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri mediating the discussions. Amy ordered a pastrami on rye with mustard that turned out to be a little dry. Ben ate a hotdog and French fries off of the kid’s menu. After much debate, they finally decided that the winner would receive a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and the right to rename the losing team for a period of one week. Ant giddily dubbed the game the “PBR Bowl”.
With the Sky Fighters emerging victorious on Sunday, they drew first blood in this burgeoning rivalry. As of now, it is unknown whether they’ve actually received their case of PBR, although they have been hard at work thinking of a new team name for the Happy Little Elves. When reached for comment, Chadwick noted, “I sure hope they don’t pick something really embarrassing…like mentioning that time I wet myself in the second grade. Or worse yet, when Jarome [Ramos] ate a handful of worms on a dare. Of course, there was also the time when Jon [Levine] accidentally bought and wore a woman’s suit. But there’s no way they could possibly know about these things…” The media agree.
Yes, The Emoticon is Part of the Quote
“Fresh Kills stay home. You don’t want to go to Rehab :)” — Alex “Villano VI” Zabala, on next Sunday’s Rehabs-Fresh Kills throwdown. Yeah, now they’re scared.
Captains’ Commendations
Bad Touch: Meghan Peterson played a “hell of a game” in her second game ever.
Cobra Kai: Zack Tinkelman (of Denim Demons) replaced Paul “P.J.” Lopez in goal on very short notice.
Corlears Hookers: Elizabeth Lewis constantly crashed the net.
Dark Rainbows: Sean Reynolds strategically scratched himself from the lineup to ensure victory.
Denim Demons: Micael Holmstrom brought teammates jackets and shirts from new team sponsor, SalmingSports.com.
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra performed on only two hours of sleep after driving up from Atlantic City, and he almost puked.
Gouging Anklebiters: Goalie “Quiet” Mike O’Connor nailed Karsten Pichon of LBS in the balls with his stick. According to Captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue, it was the play of the game.
Happy Little Elves: Brian Ferry is acknowledged for “extracurricular yearbookery.”
LBS: Sascha Puritz picked herself for looking especially good.
Mathematics: Georgine “Mulva” Paulin played the whole game and has wholesome Midwestern values.
Mexican Standoff: Tommy Cho and Hannah Stark each started in goal for one half.
Mighty Squirrels: This was Kyle Fogden’s last game before he returns to his native Canada.
Rehabs: Sal Malguarnera was a star on both offense and defense, and he had two assists.
Sky Fighters: James Butterworth.
Tuques: Dave Ladanyi subbed in net for the injured Minkus.
What The Puck: Jenny Petersen does not like to be called “Honey”.
Tags: 2008 season, news and notes, Phil's a stud, stupid bets
Yep! Glue! That’s me!