Week 3 Previews (Part I)
GOTW: Mathematics vs. Poutine Machine
Week 1 is in the books and it’s time for the Game of the Week. Going into this season, Poutine and Math were like two ships crossing in the middle of the night. Math was on an upwards swing, and Poutine was spiraling downward. But after Week 1, perhaps we underestimated Poutine, after their brilliant 1-0 overtime win over Gut Rot.
Sinister Derk, scoffs at the notion that Poutine can beat Math. Or he may have just been in a good mood about something else. No…he was scoffing at Poutine.
Keys for Math:
Control the line of scrimmage, which will lead to multiple shots on net. In other words, don’t get all fancy Math with your stupid over-passing. Gain the line and shoot, and you will score enough to win.
Keys for Poutine:
Clogging the defensive and neutral zones.
Poutine needs to stifle Math and give them no space to generate offense
OK, so there is really no neutral zone in BTSH, but Poutine can’t follow the same script that they beat Gut Rot with last week. If they go up and down with Math, they will get torched. Play a simple, boring type of hockey that will make the 1997 Devils proud and win the game 2-1 with a total of five combined shots for both teams.
Prediction:
Oh My God? Can Poutine go 2-0?
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, Poutine *can* go 2-0. And I think they will. Just not in 2014. Probably not next year either. As a matter of fact, I am changing my mind. I don’t think they will ever go 2-0, because I think in the next two years Poutine will merge with Filthy so Sven can try to get a super team. But that’s my down the road prediction.
My prediction for this Sunday is Math 6, Poutine 1. I’m going to get a verbal beatdown in French Canadian from Jo-Ann, but Math’s girls are off the charts. They scored three goals last week versus WTP. I mean we all know that Becky Norris is really good and not hoooo-rrrr-iiiii-b-lllll-ee, but with Stephanie Couzin on offense and Roxanne Gaudiel on defense, I just think the ball will be in Poutine’s zone a lot this Sunday.
Becky: “Zach, do I really not know how to pronounce the word horrible?”
Zach: “I don’t know, I’m from Cleveland too. But that’s hilllaaarrrriiiooouuussss!!!”
Other Games
Mega Touch at Anklebiters
Glanzer Upset Special of the Week!
Glanzer Upset Special!
What’s the deal with the Biters? Phil and Amy are on vacation and won’t be at the game, and Joe P. is in mid-season form and out due to an injury. This seems ripe for a Glanzer Upset Special. I see the beautiful Julie Katz and the Gang scoring a major upset, winning 3-1. Bratta pots 2 for BTSH’s happy team.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters 4, Mega Touch 1. The ‘Biters are accustomed to playing without Joe P.
Derek’s Pick: Biters 3, Mega Touch 1. Never underestimate the scoring prowess of Peter “Geech” Prohaska.
Gut Rot at Tuques
My hockey prediction is Tuques 6, Gut Rot 1. My life prediction is Rachel Greene hires the Zodiac Killer to return to NYC and abduct Creamy, Bloom, Cruff, Ashley and Eric for leaving the Butchers. Georgine finds out about the abductions, and is forced to suspend Rachel 1 game.
Rachel Greene’s Head
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia 4, Gut Rot 2
Derek’s Pick: I dunno. 6-1 Tuques looks good to me.
Sky Fighters at Rehabs
If you follow $h0wT!m3 on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook you will know that, “He is coming.”
Was Ultimate Warrior the “He” that $h0wT!m3 was referring to?
Unfortunately, the Ultimate Warrior died last night so if he was the “He” then the Rehabs are fucked. But seriously…what are the odds of that? It’s probably someone good at hockey which is good enough for me to predict the Rehabs 4-2 over the once great Sky Fighters.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters 3, Rehabs 2 (OT). Martin is also good at hockey.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters 3, Rehabs 1. On a side note, Warrior (and Randy Savage) was always my guy. I was never a big Hogan fan (at least until he went nWo), so I marked out HARD when Warrior won at Wrestlemania VI. Then he started wearing that stupid flesh-toned singlet, and I lost interest.
Filthy Gorgeous at Butchers
The Butchers started off vs. Fresh Kills so I’m not even going to count that. Meanwhile…Filthy kept me off the scoresheet for the approximately 25th consecutive game so that was a positive. I’m going with another Glanzer Upset Special (sans the picture) and picking the Butchers to win 3-2.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous 5, Butchers 4
Derek’s Pick: Richie “breaks the streak” and scores his first goal of the season June 8 against the Dark Rainbows. As for this, I’ll take Filthy by some score.
Tags: 2014 Season, Mathematics, Poutine Machine
Stop stealing my Tuques score, Derk! And I think the Rainbows was the last team I scored against.
Hmm I got off lucky.. Guess these numbskulls don’t even know I’m on the ‘biters now. Good. Keep it low key.