Week 4 News and Notes
The Elves’ Fan Base Is Growing
Elves Win! Elves Win! (Seriously)
After several weeks of near misses, the Happy Little Elves finally notched their first regular season win since April 13, 2008, a drought that stretched for 378 days. An early goal by forward Chris O’Neill set the tone immediately, as the Elves cruised to a 3-0 victory over the Unicorns. Goalie Ronald Bettenhauser turned aside every shot he faced, earning the first shutout in Elves history.
With this victory, the Elves continue their relative mastery against teams that have yellow as a uniform color base. They are now 2-1 overall against the Tuques and Unicorns, but 0-17-1-1 against all other teams. As captain Ben Chadwick looks to continue this run of success, he has begun to analyze what went right against the Unicorns. Ironically, he was shocked to discover that the absence of Ben Chadwick might have been the primary cause of their stellar play. As Chadwick is known for keeping a trim roster, it is unclear whether he will leave Chadwick in the lineup for this Sunday’s game.
Despite this win, the Elves did not gain possession of the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup in 2009.
ACS Tournament Is This Weekend!!!
“Con” Ed Lau’s annual tournament to benefit the American Cancer Society is just around the corner. With the event taking place this Saturday, there’s no time like the present to register at this very link. Of course, anyone is welcome to bring a check to Moffo without pre-registration, but those who do sign up in advance can arrive later.
Plus, as an added bonus, notorious team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri will not be participating this year, so there is no chance that you will get stuck on his team!
Know Your Neighbor
Name: Ellery
Team: Mexican Standoff
Nickname: The Nature Boy (AKA Naitch)
Rejected Nicknames: Miguel Sellers, Razor, Nature Man, Apricots
Origin: Washington D.C.
College: Vanderbilt University
Early Aspirations: To be the starting punter for the Washington Redskins
First Job: Unpaid intern for Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah).
Hero: Chris Matthews
Reason to Love Him: His absence during Redskins games is refreshing.
Reason to Hate Him: His presence after Redskins games is disturbing.
Fast Fact: Although he has been caught in heavy congestion numerous times on the Capital Beltway, Ellery never hesitates to drive on the shoulder to avoid it.
Favorite Things: Washington Capitals, general belligerence, beer, Italia
Favorite Vacation Spot: Mexico
Least Favorite Things: Dallas Cowboys, rules and order, Rehabs, Bulgarians
Best Known For: Having Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli’s hand print on his back
Hockey Comparison: Sean Avery
Non-Hockey Comparison: Ric Flair
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He agitates spits beer is loud is an asshole.
Down the Road: After Peaches strikes oil, he decides to retire from all physical activity, clearing the way for Ellery to step in as the captain of Mexican Standoff. Meanwhile, due to a registration glitch, Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens ends up on Mexican Standoff, instead of the Denim Demons. Rather than returning Rubens to the Demons, Ellery decides to name him co-captain, much to Rubens’ (and the rest of Standoff’s) chagrin. Despite Rubens’ fastidious and stringent tendencies and Ellery’s free-wheeling, messy attitude, the two go on to win best duo at the BTSH awards ceremony.
Tags: 2009 season, Ellery, Happy Little Elves, news and notes
1) Me putting DiPietro in goal was a good move. He had nothing better to do.
2) Chadwick benching Chadwick was also key, but it didn’t always work in the past. The problem is that the other Elves get confused when they see me out there, because I am happy but not little.
3) I don’t know who Ric Flair is, but I’m pretty sure Ellery wouldn’t be seen in a Hurricanes jersey.
4) The last Happy Little Elves victory was actually October 12, 2008, not April 13, at least according to this website and its crack journalist/fact-checking team (it was admittedly a post-playoff-knockout consolation game) — http://www.btsh.org/bruise/2008/10/13/quarterfinals-box-scores/ … I don’t remember my Mathematics all that well but I’m pretty sure 5 is greater than 4 and that there are not 378 days between April and October.
5) My game plan has always been to lull BTSH into a false sense of security before unleashing the beast that lurks inside every Happy Little Elf. We have entered Phase Two.
Please note the fine print, Ben…the article clearly refers to the Elves last “regular season win”.
Details, details. Fair enough. Anyway, the key to the game was trading Rich for Showtime (but as you can see in the photo, Showtime cleverly disguised himself as Rich, and acted the part somewhat convincingly).
In all seriousness, after more than a full calander year of losing, it was AWESOME to get our first win. I wish it would have come sooner, but we had to win last week.
And Ben, that win against Bad Touch when they played shorthanded after the season ended, DOES NOT COUNT!!!
I told my Elves to win and they followed instructions. That’s captaining you can take to the bank.
Though me and Ben are no longer friends (Refs/Stupid Ovechkin> Democracy/Rangers) I will say that for the first time since the Tuques game he ordered us to win. Maybe he should do that more often.
::I told my Elves to win and they followed instructions. That’s captaining you can take to the bank.::
See I use the opposite approach and tell my team to lose, knowing they won’t listen to me.
hmm. maybe that’s what i need to try.
Phase 1: Steal Underpants!
Phase 2:
Phase 3: Win BTSH!
What’s it gonna take to get a f***ing dark rainbow in the “know your neighbor” area? You’re probably worried that your minds will explode from the excess knowledge that will seep in to the vacated cavities of your brains!!!!
or maybe it’s a lack of our bar attendance….
peace y’all!
Patience is a virtue, young Sean.
The only problem is that now, if we write about a Dark Rainbow, it looks like we’re doing it just because you told us to. We in the media don’t want to look soft.
yeah i realized that would be the repercussion of such a post….but you can only neglect a pink-shirted team for so long, you predjudist bastard!
speaking of pink shirts, it’s high time (or in your case, “high” time) you guys got out the tie-dye tub and had a re-pinking party. what i’m trying to say is, YOUR TEAM IS FADED!
BTW, best pic of Ellery ever!
This must be the record for most comments on an item ever. Granted half of them are me and Rich, but still.
Ben, actually only 7 of the 15 posts are from us. So technically its less than half. However after I press submit, it will be 8 of 16 and your prophecy will be correct. And you being the Captain, I cant let you look ignorant of simple mathametics. Speaking of Mathematics, how is Sarah T.’s eye??
Man…I’m trying to dispel the rumors of the no DR bar attendance…I’m at Docs (aka the better bar) every week, post game. And Rudd (aka Ginger Balls) is there every other week.
you hear that derek and eli?!! maybe now you’ll get off our case.
oh and Bob, you’re fortunate I’ll be getting married the day of our game against you, otherwise my faded ass probably would’ve KO’d you with a stick to the groin.
sean, you best steer clear of my groin, lest you want your faded pink shirt to suddenly conflict with the denim demons’ uniform color. and congratulations on the wedding! do i know him?
Ha!!! Totally missed this. “Bulgarians”. That was a classic “debate”.
I bet after we win this game we will go on to win the championship in 2010 and make a run in 2011.
Oh…and Suz is a pretty bad hockey player. Plus I think her hair is probably brown and not blond.
Suz played in this game and lost.