Week 5 Preview
Hercules! Hercules!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (3-0-1) vs. Fresh Kills (1-2-0-1)
Location: Corlears North, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-2
Game Notes: The Denim Demons are clicking on all cylinders this season, averaging four goals for and one goal against per game. They boast one of the most lethal offensive arsenals in the league, featuring Michael Pereira, Micael Holmstrom, Lena Moy-Borgen, and Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens. In fact, the Demons have scored more goals in one game (eight vs. Mexican Standoff) than Fresh Kills has all season (seven). It will be up to Kevin “Tiny” Foster, Dave Sokolyansky, and Alexandre Frenette to rejuventate this sputtering offense. However, this veteran squad cannot be overlooked, as last season’s deep playoff run demonstrates.
Keys To The Game:
1. Michael Pereira was Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s sleeper fantasy pick for this season. He currently leads the team with five goals, so–as usual–Rubens was right.
2. The last ten minutes of this game will be crucial for Fresh Kills. Against both the Sky Fighters and Cobra Kai, all of their goals came after the forty minute mark, but they also allowed four goals in the final ten minutes in their loss to Filthy Gorgeous.
3. Fresh Kills enforcer Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst is one of the most feared and intimidating players in BTSH. She has already been ejected from three games, including one for a karate chop to Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman’s esophagus. Her presence will keep the Demon goons in check.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. If I didn’t pick them, Heidi would beat me up.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. The Fightin’ Rubens plan to unveil a new jersey for this game (for a sum total of about twelve), so they’ll have extra motivation for the win.
Mathematics (2-2) vs. Unicorns (2-2)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 2-0
Game Notes: The Mathematics are very excited to welcome new additions Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins (seen above) and Lorrie Grace McCann to the most racially diverse team in the league (thanks, Sharif!). According to a scientific survey of league members, the Unicorns suffer from having the least attractive goaltender in BTSH (Minkus was a distant second).
LBS (3-1) vs. Mighty Squirrels (2-0-2)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS leads 4-0
Game Notes: LBS stumbled last week, suffering their first loss of the season to the Unicorns, while the Mighty Squirrels needed late-game heroics from Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis to salvage a tie against the Happy Little Elves. The last time these teams met, LBS scored nine goals on Mighty Squirrels goalie, Tim “(S)crappy” Gray.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. They’re not giving up nine this time.
Derek’s Pick: LBS. They’ll get back on track with their toughest win yet.
Happy Little Elves (1-2-1) vs. Mexican Standoff (0-3-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: There are no game notes for this matchup.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Corlears Hookers (3-1) vs. Sky Fighters (3-1)
Location: Corlears South, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 1-0
Game Notes: Although both of these teams have the same record thus far, the Corlears Hookers and Sky Fighters differ tremendously in leadership styles. Hookers captain Peter “Purple Rain” Putka always brings a well-prepared and well-disciplined squad to the court, all while managing to keep his team’s jealousy and in-fighting in check. Sky Fighters captain Amy Lott has gone on record in saying that she doesn’t know what she’s doing.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. They have never lost two games in a row.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Cobra Kai (0-3-1) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (0-4)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 4-0
Game Notes: Cobra Kai is still yet to beat the Gouging Anklebiters in the short history of this bitter rivalry. However, their most recent matchup was the closest to date, as the Anklebiters needed overtime to eliminate Cobra Kai from last season’s playoffs. This could be Cobra Kai’s best chance to end the drought, with new goalie Paul “P.J.” Lopez between the pipes.
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. The history is there, and the Anklebiters are due to start turning their season around.
What The Puck (4-0) vs. Tuques (1-3)
Location: Corlears North, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-0
Game Notes: What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has guaranteed victory, much to the chagrin of Corey “Chongo” Winters. Is What The Puck getting a little too cocky?
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Mad Dog cannot tell a lie.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Bad Touch (0-3-1) vs. Dark Rainbows (3-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 6-0
Game Notes: With Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer celebrating his birthday on Saturday with an extravagant gala, will Bad Touch have enough gas in the tank to take on the defending champions?
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. Captain Sean Reynolds is hard at work baking a cake, just so he can throw it in Coop’s face.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Media Records:
Eli: 19-13
Derek: 20-12
Tags: 2008 season, legend killer, maple leaf muscle, the hawk, Weekly Previews