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Mathematics at Butchers,
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Hey Rangers fans. Remember in ’94 how everybody was so excited about Messier, Leetch, and that young phenom Alexi Kovalev. Did any of them score 52 goals that year? The answer is no. But Adam Graves did. What’s the lesson here? Don’t ignore guys named Adam.

While the press has been all over the Norris family, hall of famer Andy Pratt and Eli “MVP” Kazin, Adam Langer has been quietly putting in goal after goal for the Greyshirts. Probably time for other teams’ defensemen to make note of that. I’m talking to you Ashley. I know BTSH is a non-contact league but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a creative way to shut him down.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Butchers will be recovering from last week’s metaphorical and literal hangover. Look for co-Captain Rachel Greene to tap into Georgine Paulin’s inside knowledge to find some cracks in the Math offensive juggernaut. We suspect the answer may be targeting the flowing locks of the Math squad. If anyone has noticed Zach or Andy’s hair length lately, they’ll know that it takes a fair amount of product for those guys to even see the ball. A little humidity, a little static electricity, and it could all go the Butchers way. As Creamy is fond of saying “Beards don’t frizz.” It’s an expression full of truth but we still don’t think it will catch on as the new Butchers cheer.

We see Math winning this one in a shootout, 4-3. But (sadly) Eli’s point streak ends here.

Rehabs at Gremlins
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

We know what you’re expecting. These two teams have storied histories … blah, blah, blah. Gremlins shouldn’t get wet after midnight … blah, blah, blah. Rehabs miss Kehoe and Meredith … blah, blah, blah.

Want to know why you should really watch this game? Because it features the two whitest players in the league (who aren’t me or a member of LBS), John Walker and Bryan Welch. And it’s going to be very sunny on Sunday. If you position yourself right, you should be able to see these two literally cook on the Tompkins Square ashphalt. Several pools are already running as to who will turn redder. And there’s a lot of side action on whether the cage that John wears will give him grill patterned sunburn across most of his face. 

Which player will crack first? Eagerly awaiting the answer is Julie “Team Mom” Katz who will be standing at the ready with 45 SPF sunscreen and aloe, that she’s willing to trade for a second-line scorer. I forget, Showtime. Have you played for MegaTouch already?

Filthy Gorgeous at Skyfighters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Rich “Just the Facts” Glanzer

Well this is awkward.

Dark Rainbows at Mega Touch
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East

In the old days, this would have been a chill fest. We’d be writing about how laid back both teams are and how they would play this game with a spirit of friendship and love. These days, not so much.

As Rainbows Captain Sean Reynolds announced on his team page, he’s putting the “Dark” in Dark Rainbows this year. One suspects the influence of Abby “Do I look like I’m kidding?” Meisterman who has started harnessing the dark rituals she learned during her time with the Demons to build up the Pink Puck Pushers. It’s a good thing there isn’t a Fairytale Cup this year. Because the Rainbows would be handing out some poison apples.

Only, goalie Ariel “I Can’t Stop Smiling” Kipnis and Mike “the Dude” Dudelovitch seem immune to this corrupting influence (Although to be fair to Abby, it didn’t take much to push John Nielsen and Brice Rosenbloom to the dark side).

Playing the light to the Rainbows dark are Mega Touch, who have retained their almost childlike innocence while putting up some impressive performances. Lost in the furor over Math’s offensive performance last week was the fact that the Uber Feelers managed to put four goals past the man mountain that is Will Galaghan. That’s impressive. 

But it will take the wolf among the sheep, Eric Devlin, to shutdown this Rainbows squad. If Devlin brings the hate (i.e. if the Leafs beat the Bruins on Saturday) expect this one to go either way. But if the better angels of Eric’s nature win out expect the DRs to crush the Super Caressers like Sauron crushed the Elvin army at … (damn I’m no good at this LORD OF THE RINGS stuff. Should have given this writeup to Abby or Liza Watts).

Gut Rot at Poutine Machine
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Abby “Raise Your Glass” Meisterman