Week 6 News and Notes
Now Fresh Kills Can Look Like A Team
Hot Styles Coming Through
In an effort to draw closure on the “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser era, Fresh Kills tossed aside its trademark powder blue tank tops for a new look. Gone is the old design of a fish skeleton and tin can, replaced by two ornithological creatures that appear to be seagulls (or crows or vultures or whatever else might fly over a landfill). The uniforms once again feature numbers on the back. However, since each number represents the respective player’s year of birth, there are no numbers higher than 63.
Not to be outdone, the Mighty Squirrels also debuted a new jersey (New Jersey!) on Sunday. Although the new shirt bears the same crest logo as the old shirt, it is made of a more breathable fabric, enabling the Squirrels to burn off all of their excess alcohol in a more comfortable fashion. In addition, with league members no longer going to Iggy’s, captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene has already secured sponsorship from new league bar, the East Village Tavern, whose logo adorns the sleeve. The Squirrels are also expected to unveil their “Team (S)crappy” jerseys any day now.
The Rehabs Are Assholes (Except Cupcake)
Continuing in the tradition of the Corlears Heckle Wall, the Rehabs set up shop in the sideline dugout of the West court during the Unicorns-Corlears Hookers matchup. With taunts and insults raining down on the Hookers, the Rehabs’ rabid support may have been just enough to spur the Unicorns to their upset victory. This blurb would be longer, but we are unable to print anything they yelled for fear of censorship. Fortunately, Bryan “Stork” Welch had laryngitis, or the catcalls would have been a lot worse.
“Con” Ed Thanks You
The fourth annual American Cancer Society charity tournament was once again a smashing success. This year, more than $3,300 was raised, with some donations still trickling in. The four year total now stands at more than $13,000. “Con” Ed Lau sincerely thanks everyone who participated and helped out.
Know Your Neighbor
Name: Ara Arnn
Team: Cobra Kai
Nickname: 6-1-9
Rejected Nicknames: 9-1-7, Double A, El Padre, Ski
Origin: San Diego, CA
College: University of Notre Dame du Lac
Early Aspirations: To manage his own Ralphs supermarket franchise
First Job: Junior Trainer for Shamu at Sea World
Current Job: Architect
Hero: Ara Parseghian
Reason to Love Him: He epitomizes “California Cool”.
Reason to Hate Him: His hometown has much better weather than yours does.
Fast Fact: Ara still believes that San Diego is German for “whale’s vagina”.
Favorite Things: San Diego Chargers, Bristol Byzantine architecture, fish tacos, palindromes
Favorite Technical Drawing Instrument: T-square
Least Favorite Things: Oakland Raiders, implosions, earthquakes, shaving
Best Known For: Always wearing sunglasses (except in the above picture)
Hockey Comparison: Brooks Orpik
Non-Hockey Comparison: Ted Mosby, architect
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: His team’s intense rivalry with the Mathematics
Down the Road: Notre Dame commissions Ara to design a renovation of Notre Dame Stadium (AKA “The House That Rockne Built”). His ingenious plan places the visiting bench directly between the student section and the marching band. With all visiting opponents clearly rattled, the Fighting Irish finish undefeated at home in the newly designed stadium’s inaugural year, springing them to a Gator Bowl win over the Temple Owls. As the Irish continue to succeed on their new home field, students begin to refer to the stadium as “The House That Arnn Built”.
Tags: 2009 season, Cobra Kai, Fresh Kills, Mighty Squirrels, news and notes, Rehabs
Three rules to live by, by Hockey Rich
1- Never touch the Stanley Cup unless you’ve won it, or your team has won it while you’ve been a fan.
2- Yellow Snow is bad, so dont eat it
3- Never change your uniforms or your team name, after you won a Championship.
For breaking rules 2 & 3, Fresh Kills is going down this Sunday.
Derek, any chance you could find a less flattering photo of me? This one is too flattering.
Yes Rich — watch out where those huskies go. Fresh Kills is also guaranteed to lose because I am missing the game.
On another note, Derek says Elves victories are now old news. So what team will step up to fill the shoes of the 2008 Elves in the eyes of the voracious media vultures?
I agree with Derek. Derek has now picked the Elves to win…all that’s left is for Eli to see the light. I wonder who they would have picked in the Squirrell game? I sometimes wonder if I’m spelling Squirrell right.
I’d be careful. Eli picking the Elves to win would be the first sign of the apocalypse… Real wrath of God type stuff… Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
-Egon
Wow, it appears we’ve got a bounty on our collective heads. Don’t know where that vicious, “eating yellow snow” rumor came from. Then again, I’m still getting over Adam comparing us to the Blackburn Rovers in his silly English Premiere League/BTSH guest editorial. (I would have personally preferred to be linked to the Bolton Wanderers). (Yes, it took me this long to figure out how to log on to this fakakta site to post a proper reply).
According to him, “[Fresh Kills had one incredible season that people [will] look back on a few years after and wonder how it happened.” First of all, our season sucked. According to the pundits, we were “maddeningly inconsistent” which is a spot-on assessment….we finished something like tenth. Second of all, this wasn’t our first time to the finals…more like the fourth. And in the past, we’ve actually finished at the top of the standings, (you can look it up…that is if you can navigate your way through the site to find the posting that lists every season champ, who they defeated in the finals and the score….Good luck with that.)
It’s pretty tiring to hear how lucky we were. Truth is, we have always had a pretty solid team and are capable of beating any team in this league, (despite our median age being close enough to qualify for Social Security benefits). And unlike the Demons, we can say we’ve been to the Finals and come away with the big prize.
Dave the Goalie
we aren’t assholes,people just take it the wrong way.
Rehab $howT!m3
The asshole is Co-op because he made sure that Villano and I did not make the game against Mega Touch but we still kicked ass.
Rehab $howT!m3
Dave the Goalie, last year was my first season. For what its worth, I didn’t and still dont know enough to know if you guys got “lucky” or not. All I know is you’re the champs and I wish we were.
Having said that, if the Elves ever do win the Championship, I can assure you we will not change our jerseyes or eat the yellow snow!! (just kidding btw…all in good fun)
Show…as a friend of the Elves, wave your Rehab flag any day. I got your back.
Dave the Goalie– another first! That’s the first time anyone has ever taken an Elves boast seriously. Our record last year wasn’t so great but we can kick ass at trivia. But I won’t be available since I will be in cryogenic freeze until October when the Caps season starts again. Stupid Penguins. Uh, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Fresh Kills is pretty good. And when things go badly you can just have Bob change the rules in the middle of the game!
Hey HockeyRich and Benwick666,
Wasn’t really directed at you guys. As I said, was more of a response to the Season preview (what can I say, my timing sucks. It only took me six weeks to respond.) I look forward to our tilt against the Elves on Sunday. Pity we don’t have a magical/fantasticalkt named team a la you guys, the Unicorns or the Rainbows, otherwise we might want to contend for that imaginary cup. Just one quick question, if Detroit is known as Hockey Town cause of the Red Wings, does that make Tompkins Square Fairy Town whenever you guys play a game? Just wondering 🙂
Dave the Goalie
We prefer to think of it as the Kingdom of the Elves…
Is the kingdom at Tompkins called Rivendell, Imladris, or Karningul?
Mirkwood.
Dave the Goalie, be glad you aren’t in “contention” for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tail Cup. Its all about being part of the Old Boys Network. We beat the Champs (like we’re gonna do Sunday!!) and when we expected the refs to reward us the belts, they said no. If you look at the scores, we had the best goal differential.
Obviously Derek and Eli were bought by Craig and his goons. And to make matters worse, Eli then “rewards” us by having us play and win the Barnacle Bowl. Thanks Eli.
FK went to the finals four times, twice as many times as any other team in league history. and we weren’t an “original 7” team, either. on our way to the championship last year we beat four teams that each won the league championship twice before, and faced the first, second and third place teams. i think that speaks for itself. that and the santeria ceremony that we performed at corlears the night before the game.
Enough about 2008. Lets talk about the year 2009.
Battledome people,we dont wanna scare off the fans.