Week 6 News and Notes
Times Are Changing, Betty
It’s a Race!!!
As part of the upcoming weekend’s Revenge of the Nerds themed festivities, Peaches will host the (potentially) First Annual BTSH Tricycle Race. The race will feature league members riding tricycles around Corlears Hook Park, while driking a beer prior to each lap. Although the media has not received a list of the entrants, here are some of the possible favorites for the competition:
–Andrea “Vegetable Lasagna” Schloeder (Mighty Squirrels). Her ability to drink will finally benefit her.
–Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner (Gouging Anklebiters). His grit and determination could give him the extra push he needs on the final lap.
–Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst (Fresh Kills). She may be one of the few league members who can still fit on and ride a tricycle.
–Jarome “Hornswoggle” Ramos (Happy Little Elves). His enthusiasm is unmatched.
–Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon (Filthy Gorgeous). He could go from ashy to classy.
The race will be at 6:30 PM, immediately preceding the Women’s All-Star Game. Entrance fee is $20. Contact Jefferson by Thursday to enter or for more information.
Ben Claims They Were Supposed To Be Darker
Following a trend this season, the Happy Little Elves were the next team in a long and (semi) prestigious line to don new uniforms. Of course, this change was somewhat by necessity as the Elves played their first few games without any semblance of team conformity. While the new uniforms will provide them with the visual unity they desire, their choice of color is a tad suspect. An anonymous member of Filthy Gorgeous remarked, “That’s the same color we had in 2006. Then we realized it was really ugly.”
Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg’s Lunch Order
Provolone, mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and hot peppers on a roll with a V8 and a water
Know Your Neighbors
Name: Michael O’Connor
Team: Gouging Anklebiters
Nickname: Quiet
Suggested Nickname: The Sand Trap
Rejected Nicknames: Mikey, Trail Mix, Chazz
Origin: Gaithersberg, Maryland
College: Wagner…Go Seahawks!
Early Aspirations: To sell propane and propane accessories
Reason to Love Him: He’s a good listener.
Reason to Hate Him: He’s frequently seen with Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri and Phil “Sandy” Donohue.
Fast Fact: Just like Elaine Benes, he’s an Orioles fan.
Favorite Things: Crab cakes and football…that’s what Maryland does!
Pro Comparison: Ryan Miller. They’re both American goalies with a propensity for quietness.
Non-Pro Comparison: Orville Redenbacher. Just look how he’s holding that corn.
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: More Wedding Crashers references.
Down the Road: Mike will continue to serve as the Gouging Anklebiters goalie until the year 2037, when the Anklebiters finally win their first league title. He retires a champion.
Best Known For: His understated arm tattoos, which actually puts him in the majority of BTSH goalies.
Captains’ Commendations
Bad Touch: Bill MacGregor had two assists.
Corlears Hookers: Jonathan Bartlett created chances with his big backhands.
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell played the entire game with an undisclosed lower body injury.
Denim Demons: Captain Adam “Legen(d) Killer” Rubens would like to recognize all of the Demons who came from other engagements, specifically Steve Chernoski and Gabby Carson.
Gouging Anklebiters: Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri “bent over and played goal.”
Happy Little Elves: “Just give the Rehabs two.” – Ben Chadwick
Filthy Gorgeous: Jean Herbert had an amazing game, with great D as usual.
Fresh Kills: Amy Jones thinks all the Fresh Kills are special and are really one awesome person.
LBS: Sascha Lehman played forty-five minutes, was a total wall, made great passes, and was the MVP of the game.
Mathematics: Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi celebrated when one of his opponents tripped and then felt bad when he realized the player was actually hurt.
Mexican Standoff: Jefferson Hendricks went to Utah…possibly to procure cheap salt for next weekend’s courtside barbeque.
Mighty Squirrels: Amanda Melson had a “fucking awesome game”. Rachel, please watch the profanity.
Rehabs: Alex “Villano VI” Zabala, for reasons he knows.
Tuques: Minkus faced a gazillion shots and stopped almost all of them. That number may be made up.
What The Puck: Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri had a beautiful assist…on the Unicorns first goal.
Tags: 2008 season, news and notes, quiet mike, revenge of the nerds, ugly colors