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Dan Hopper Is Having The Best Week Ever

GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (1-2-0-1) at Sky Fighters (2-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: Past champions collide in this highly anticipated Hackett Division battle.  The Dark Rainbows struggled to open the season, with losses to the Unicorns, What The Puck, and Gouging Anklebiters.  However, they are now coming off an impressive 4-2 win against the Happy Little Elves in a Fairy Tale Cup matchup.  2009 team scoring leader John Nielsen led the way in this contest with two goals, including the game-winner.  The Sky Fighters were also slow out of the gate, as they too lost to What The Puck and the Unicorns.  However, they have turned things around with back to back shutouts of Mega Touch and Poutine Machine.  With both teams coming off of momentum-building wins, this matchup looks a lot better than it did a week ago.
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Dark Rainbows are tied for most goals against in BTSH, goalie John Meyer played impressively last Sunday, holding the Happy Little Elves’ potent offense to only two.
2. Sky Fighters netminder James Stein has not allowed a goal in more than 100 minutes of play.  How long can he continue this hot streak?
3. Due to attendance issues last week, Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper almost had to break out his patented “50 Minutes of Martin” strategy.  However, with an extra player showing up five minutes into the game, Martin played just a scant 40 minutes instead.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  They’ve gotten rid of all of their offseason rust.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  I’ll go with the more recent champions.
Watchability: 4 Abdos

Unicorns (3-1) at Denim Demons (3-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5-2
Game Notes: The Denim Demons notched an impressive shootout victory last week against their arch-rivals, the Rehabs.  They will look to continue their momentum against the Unicorns, who suffered their first loss of the season last week against La Famiglia.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons.  They continued to look impressive last week, even while down several players.
Watchability: 4 Abdos

Gouging Anklebiters (3-1) at Gut Rot (1-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After a season opening loss to Fresh Kills, the Gouging Anklebiters have run off three consecutive victories.  They made a statement last Sunday with a 7-3 win over Cobra Kai, which included a hat trick by sophomore Alex Derhohannesian and a quality start between the pipes by league degenerate Alex Owen.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  They haven’t lost since the hazing allegations story broke.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters
Watchability: 2.5 Abdos

Happy Little Elves (2-1-0-1) at Cobra Kai (2-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1-1
Game Notes: The Happy Little Elves enter this 2010 Barnacle Bowl game with possession of the coveted trophy.  Last season, with the Elves and Cobra Kai in the same division (Rubens), they faced off against each other twice.  The Elves won the first game in overtime and scored a late goal to force a tie in the second.  Elves captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick attributed the series victory to the inspired play of Rich Glanzer, who “played like he really wanted that trophy.”
Eli’s Pick: Tie game.  I’d pick the Elves, but right now, Glanzer has all the mobility of the Undertaker during one of his ring entrances.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Watchability: 3.5 Abdos

La Famiglia (1-3) at Tompkins Square Riots (3-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Marketing reports revealed this week that five of the league’s top selling jerseys come from La Famiglia.  On the other hand, the Tompkins Square Riots don’t even have jerseys.
Eli’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  Another win means increased merchandise sales, so really, this would be good for the whole league.
Watchability: 3 Abdos

Rehabs (2-1-0-1) at Mega Touch (2-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 7-4
Game Notes: Mega Touch captain Greg Kellerman is confident about his team’s chances due to teammate Joe Lops’ apparently impeccable physique.  Kellerman notes, “He has superb musculature in his thighs, his chest was chiseled out of marble by Michelangelo, and quite frankly, his ass is sublime.  Truly, he has the quintessentially perfect body for a BTSH power forward.”
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  They’re not happy about losing to the Demons last week.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Joe Lops notwithstanding, of course.
Watchability: 2 Abdos

Flowing Locks at Balding Furies
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
Game Notes: In lieu of a game that counts in the standings, What The Puck and the Corlears Hookers will instead play an intra-squad exhibition.  Teams will be divided based on hair volume and baldness.  Leading the “Flowing Locks” squad will be WTP’s Corey “Chongo” Winters and the Hookers’ Jason Eitel, while WTP’s Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and the Hookers’ Peter Putka will lead the “Balding Furies”.
Eli’s Pick: Flowing Locks
Derek’s Pick: Balding Furies
Watchability: 3.5 Abdos.  The players’ hearts won’t be into it, but the humor value will still be there.

Fresh Kills (3-0-0-1) at Mathematics (0-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 2-1
Game Notes: Fresh Kills rookie goaltender Patrick Barch is quickly becoming the frontrunner for Rookie of the Year, as he has allowed just two goals in four games and recorded two shutouts.
Watchability: 1.5 Abdos.  Kevin “The Planet” Foster does not want a large audience, as he’s really just a sensitive guy.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Filthy Gorgeous (2-2) at LBS, Inc. (1-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 4-2-1
Game Notes: Not a lot has changed since the first meeting between these Rubens Division rivals, when Filthy posted a solid 3-1 win. While they are both finding their way this season, Filthy has more quality wins and simply seems more focused. Perhaps the preseason LBS team outing to a Tijuana Donkey show has nothing to do with their slow start, but then again, maybe it does.
Vegas Line: Filthy by 2
Jesse the Greek says: Take the Gorgeous and give the points
Watchability: 2 lace doilies. Until LBS shows some fight, they are dead to me.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Poutine Machine (2-2) at Butchers (0-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Following the team’s slow start (0-3-1, 4 goals total), Butchers captain Ben Bloom recently held a closed-door meeting to address the lack of team fitness, and how the team needed to get serious in its physical training if it was going to turn things around. In keeping with the official BTSH recommendation about proper footwear, all members of the Butchers will be required to wear Skechers Shape-ups for all games for the rest of the year. In issuing the directive, Bloom allegedly singled out team members Rachel “A-Korn” Greene and Arnold Sanchez for “flabby buttocks.” This has not been a problem for Poutine Machine, who seem to be staying away from their eponymous treat, posting a respectable 2-2 record. Captain Svatrick Larsen has the team playing hard, but inconsistent goalkeeping and erratic play has left it with the second-worst goal differential in the league.
Vegas Line: Poutine by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Butchers are knocking on the door and will keep it close. Take the points.
Watchability: 4 squat-thrusts. The Greene-Larsen rivalry will keep this one lively.

Survivor Pool

Adriano Bratta (WTP) – Rehabs
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Rehabs
Jesse Kalb (But) – Rehabs

Tags: 2010 season, Dark Rainbows, Sky Fighters, Weekly Previews

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 20th, 2010 at 11:28 pm and is filed under Weekly Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.