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Harmon’s New Shirt Looks Very Much Like His Old One

Form And Function
No longer content with displaying simple mathematical functions across their chests, the Mathematics unveiled a new, advanced jersey line on Sunday.  After years of sporting shirts with only addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division signs, the Mathematics added exponents and square roots to their repertoire.  In addition, a special “black out” jersey (bearing the same new logos) was also commissioned as an occasional alternate uniform.  Like their predecessors, the new shirts received rave reviews throughout BTSH.  One league member, Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens, was quoted as saying, “If Mathematics shirts were on sale, I would totally buy one.”

Ben’s Sleeves May Be Custom
With several teams still sporting tattered attire from 2008 and beyond, Mexican Standoff remains the class of BTSH, as Peaches’ crew broke out its second new jersey of the year.  After infringing on LBS, Inc.’s territorial rights to the color white by unveiling a white shirt at the beginning of the season, Standoff returned to its roots this time around with an alternate black uniform.  Each shirt includes a red and white graphic, while the back includes personalized names and numbers in mustard yellow.  Thus, their official team colors are now black, white, red, mustard yellow, baby blue, azure, gray, orange, purple, pink, camouflage, and brown.  But no electric lime, because that would just look hideous.

Thus Begins The Tuques Marketing Push

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Sarah Torneten
Team: Mathematics
Nickname: T-Bone
Rejected Nicknames: ST, Hockey Sarah, Koko The Monkey, Gammy
Origin: Council Bluffs, Iowa
College: Iowa State University
Early Aspirations: To move to the big city…Omaha
First Job: Blackjack dealer on a Missouri River steamship
Current Job: Medical researcher at Columbia University
Hero: Seneca Wallace
Reason to Love Her: She plays for the Mathematics.
Reason to Hate Her: She is directly responsible for bringing Rich Glanzer into the league.
Fast Fact: Her jersey number would be 59, which is based purely on her height.
Favorite Things: Broomball, corn, Happy Little Elves, Omaha Steaks
Favorite Bridge: Bob Kerrey Pedestrian Bridge
Least Favorite Things: University of Iowa, potatoes, keeping a secret, tornadoes
Best Known For: Making a mean pineapple upside down cake.
Hockey Comparison: John-Michael Liles
Non-Hockey Comparison: Steak
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Her: She budgets way too much of her time (i.e. any) to hanging out with the Happy Little Elves.
Down the Road: In an effort to bring wholesome, down-to-Earth values back to the league, Sarah forms the “Midwestern Coalition” of BTSH.  Notable members include Sarah Moore, Brendan “Dutch” Kearney, Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, Peter “Geech” Prohaska, and, in what must have been a moment of oversight, Amy Lott.  Georgine “Mulva” Paulin was also invited to join, but she politely declined.  Although the group accomplishes absolutely nothing in terms of league changes, it does hold several spirited discussions regarding agricultural subsidies in the United States.

Tags: 2009 season, Mathematics, Mexican Standoff, news and notes, tuques

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 pm and is filed under League Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.