Which Players Fill Out Your BTSH All-Star Team?
(Written and created by Derk)
Editor’s Note: Let’s keep in mind this is only supposed to be in the spirit of good, clean fun. It’s intended just to spur a little debate and get our minds back on BTSH hockey after a long break. The prices are set based on 2014 performance and what we think is the perceived talent of each player. Let’s try not to take this too seriously. 🙂
Rich’s Picks:
When you win pools like this you get to meet Jack Bauer and some creepy dude.
I’m spending $5 on Gabe and $4 on Sam because I want the best player in the league and the best D on the board. Plus Sam shows up. So that’s half my money on two spots. All the goalies on that list are very very good but I’ll go with $3 on Tim K. next. He wasn’t on a championship level team before this season and this season he is showing he belongs. So that’s 12. I think Jeff from the Butchers is a bargain for $1 so I’ll take him, which gets me to $13. So now I can go Cena (yes a wrestling reference) and Sarah M. or Adela and Julie. Either way I feel its fine.
But c’mon, you know I’m taking Adela and Julie.
So my team is Gabe, Jeff, Adela, Sam, Julie and Tim K. I’ll make Julie buy me a slice of pizza for putting her on such a great team.
Tags: 2014 Season, fun and games
I’ll try to get the comment section going…I’ll start with goalie, where I’ll take Poutine’s Matt L. Despite his low price tag of $2, I’d say he’s comparable to anyone else on this list, and PM’s 7 goals allowed this season is proof of that. For male forwards, I’ll take Gabe (leading scorer) and my bargain pick of Dan H. Dan is sneakily one of the best play creators in the league, and he clearly knows more about the Simpsons and pop culture than anyone else on the list (except possibly for Karsten who attends Simspons Con dressed as Disco Stu every year). For female forward, I’ll agree with Richie and take Julie, because she’s awesome and reads the site. On defense, I’ll also go with Sam A., who is the best pure defender in the league. For female defense, I’ll go with Sena, because she’s a great defender with a good shot too.
Gabe 5
Dan 2
Julie 2
Sam 4
Sena 3
Matt 2
P.S. Other great deals include Derek T. at only 50 cents!!!
OFFENSE: Danilo (CH) for $4 – Plays all positions / Denis M (LF) for $5 because the guy can outright score and get back on defense. / Rob Walsh? (HLE) for $2 because I am a #ROBWALSHGUY
DEFENSE: I have to go with my girls Adela I (HLE) for $2 bucks because thats a STEAL because she won’t argue with Rich Glanzer? or that Delacy guy and she’ll perform to her best potential! then of course the female leader of the Rehabs Sena Bell? (REEEEEEEEHAAAAABS) for $3 because sober or hungover this girl can outright play defense and offense with a shot I would kill for.
GOALIE: I would put Hector Showtime Melendez? (REH) for $.50 Cents in net simply because no one considers him a goalie, has played in several tough games over the years and went almost 2 entire games in 90 degree weather and close to getting 2 shut outs (one for the Elves and almost one for the Rehabs but lost the Rehabs game in a shootout to those fucking Demons. Which he got payback for this season!) and use the Left over cash for water. BAM!
OFFENSE:
– Danilo B from the Corlears Hookers – Plays offense and defense – $4
– Denis M from La Famiglia – Plays offense and defense and can outright score on almost anyone – $5
– Rob W from Happy Little elves – I am a #ROBWALSHGUY and for $2 – I can’t complain
DEFENSE:
– Sena B from the Rehabs because the girl can play her ass off sober or hungover, Stick handle and score – $3
– Adela I from the HLE simply because she would be way better without the headaches of Richie and that former goalie they had and for $2 that’s a steal if you can get her to play instead of arguing with every referee in the league. I would be in trouble because Cobra Kai wouldn’t let her play.
GOALIE:
– Everyone would pick Craig L, Tim K or Sad Jamie but why not $h0wT!m3? I can play, I can play in the 2 girl defense and with 2 female who can get back plus my offense that will get back, we would have few odd man breaks against us plus try out running that offense! Good Luck!
$h0wT!m3, were it not for you picking yourself to play goal, I’d question your judgement. But then again, for whatever reason, I don’t rank on that list. Not to mention the fact that I think it’s a really lame collection of names given the fact that there is only one Tompkins Square Riot on that list (and Scott Townshend fully belongs on said list). I call media bias….:)
My bad, there’s one other Riot on the list….
Actually I think there is just one. Isn’t MDF a Butcher?
Also, you cant comment and not put up your list Dave.
We fixed the glitch.
Ok, after much thought here is my team:
O: Dan H
O: Jeff L
O: Cherie
D: Derek/Rich
D: MDF
Here is my totally spot on astute thought process: Hopper and Jeff are a steal at $2 and $1, plus Hopper passes to me, I want people that pass to girls. Jeff is less good at passing to to me but I am breaking him slowly. I am picking Cherie in the hopes she brings her dogs down to some of the hypothetical games. I am picking MDF because she will stay too long at the bar with me after the game. And I am picking Rich and Derek because 2 players for a dollar is a good deal and I don’t know any of those other defensive people except Lee and there are way too many skaters at the park. Never know when one of them might set him off. Too soon?
Oh and of course I am taking happy Jamie as my goalie. I will pay $5 for happy Jamie.
5 games is an absurdly small sample size to base player pricing on. Let’s extend it to the past year, and I’ll put together a team of exclusively $0 players that will beat any team comprised of the “rated” players.
LW: Luisa Mirarchi (HLE) She represents the USA, she can play for my fake team any day.
C: Jeff Kamen (DD) He scored very close to two goals per game last year.
RW: Adriano Bratta (MT) Whatever divine force I’m using to get the other two to care about this game will also make Muscles Marinara care.
D: Martin Cejka (SF) First thing he does at our pre-game practice is teach everybody the phrase for “Pass it to Ocho Cinco” in Czech.
D: Ryan Dreadlock Girl (CK) Currently leading early voting for “Most Underrated Female” award.
G: Dustin Olson (CH) Didn’t he just play one of the best games a goalie has ever played to beat Fresh Kills in the semi-finals last year?
Good list Adam. But a few thoughts.
Kamen and Ryan are great choices. We know who Ryan is.
Dustin would be a good choice but there are rumors he’s leaving and Derk had too many Hookers as it is. Plus the goalie position is stacked in BTSH.
Now for your other choices.
I don’t believe Martin has shown up to a game this season.
I think everyone believes Adriano is on his last legs at BTSH.
And Luisa can play for your fake team any day.
But she’ll only play for my team in BTSH. She’s an Elf 4 Lyfe. And loyal to me.
Luisa, #10 on the scoreboard, but I’m #1 in her heart.
Dustin would probably be $4 or $5; I just didn’t include him to get other teams in there. Martin would also be $5, but he hasn’t played all season…Luisa’s attendance has also been pretty spotty, which is the reason for her exclusion.
Forget playing fantasy all-star street hockety… $18 will buy six Miller High Lifes at Ace (counting $6 for tips).
Fwds: Gabe, Suvin, Noelle
Defs: Sean and Adela
Goalie: Jordan.
Also, you’re missing Scott L on this. I’d put him up there with Sean as an all-star goal-scoring defensemen. (I’d have put myself on that defense list, but considering I’ve only played as a back-up goalie I’ll let it slide…this time. Seriously, showtime gets $0.50 and I can’t get in on that discount all-star goalie spot. Just make me $0.75 and everything will be right with the world.)
First off, would just like to say it’s a tremendous honor to be considered 2/5ths as good as Cherie. Just having a dollar amount assigned to me alongside so many of the league’s greats is truly overwhelming. My team:
Forwards: Gabe ($5), Suvin ($3), Julie ($2 steal!). Jeff L for $1 is a crazy-value too, but with this line no one’s gonna shift off anyway.
D: Myself ($2 – I’ve played D the last 2 years, Org, and for my entire Mofo/ice career. Also I don’t run. Pay attention!) Adela ($2, since I’m playing and don’t have to ref her). Also I’m captain and send out the amazing weekly team emails, which is easily another $9-10 worth of built-in morale-boost.
G: Timmy ($4), or Dustin if he’s $4
Chadwick isn’t listed so I’ll add him for free to dominate Ace Trivia. Also, how much would a babysitter for Martin’s one-year-old cost? In real life, I mean. Guys, I’m serious.
The New York Costanzas:
Forwards: Jeff, Eli, Sara ($2.50)
Defense: Roxanne, Derk ($1.50)
Cage: $h0wt!m3 ($.25, I get a discount for remembering how to spell that off the top of my head)
GM: Nick Barretta ($6 — Sather money)
Head Coach: Aaron Friedman ($4 — Tortorella money)
Assistant Coach: Black Rob ($2.40)
Athletic trainer (“Has been” status guy with heart of gold who will always have a place in the organization): Rich Glanzer ($.50)
We spend our remaining $.85 cents on a good character sixth man guy like Zach Norris or Dan Carcillo.
$0.50 for Rich Glanzer feels wrong somehow. With the intangibles he brings to the table, he should be worth $0.45.
I feel like Nick just wants to be invited to Math. Maybe next year…
O: Denis, Danilo, Hopper
D: Adela, Roxanne
G: Timmy “ChaChaChaChinaShop” Brown
F: Gabe, $5. If this were an auction draft, I’d pay $10.
F: Karsten, $3. League’s top scorer so far.
F: Julie, $2. She’ll be the team captain. Great value. And she picked me on her team.
D: Adela, $2. Also a steal.
D: ScottT, $2. I trust Dave’s recommendation.
G: TimB, $4. I think TimK is having the best season, but I’ll pay the extra buck to have the commish on my side.
Sad Jamie’s team is the only one that could beat mine. But his team wouldn’t.
Hey, someone picked me! Awesome!
As for my team…
G – Sad Jamie ($2)
D – MDF ($4), Derek T. ($0.50)
F – Dan H. ($2), Me ($0.50), Julie ($2)
Total cost – $11
Wait a minute…a lot of these people were on my Rose Charities team, and we did not win it. Perhaps Richie is right and Rachel is creating uneven teams and rigging it so her team wins every year…
Eli, as someone who already looks a great deal like the Pirates’ owner, that $11 roster is gonna get you immediately crucified by the fans for ‘pocketing revenue.’
http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/234/files/2013/04/Bob-Nutting.jpg
It’s not easy for Eli to own a franchise in such a small market.
Derek – appreciate the $5 mark… hopefully you can pass me the ball sometime.. As for my team.. Im picking Dan H (cause he’s really good at ball hockey and worth every penny), myself (discounted price), Julie K (fastest backchecker in a skirt), Sena (why not) and Lee (enforcer) . total: $17.00.
Easy Choice: I would fill my team with FREE agents and then use the money to buy 5 beers at ACE and then have $3 to play Rich in Skeet Ball a few times. So clutch.
But seriously… $0.50 for Showtime, Eli, Derek and Rich. Done. $2 each for Julie and Adela. That’s $6 total. Then I would use the other $12 to buy the team beer….. Because they deserve it for being cheap and cool kids to hang out with.
GO ELVES!
*Groans*…The Pittsburgh Pirates?!
I love New Trevor!!!
Yeah, I think New Trevor may have won this.
Here’s my take:
[$2] C: Dan H. (SF): Stickhandler, pretty reliable source for outlets, vision, and has hockey IQ.
[$3] LW: Suvin M. (FG): Wheels, pretty good handling and has a nose for goal.
[$4] RW: Noelle S. (CH): Wheels, willing to fight on 50/50s, shows hustle both front and backcheck.
[$3] LD: Sena I. (REH): Solid defender, has vision for open areas.
[$0.50] RD: Derek T. (Math): Can be relentless at times, but dependable.
[$2] G: Matt L. (PM): Gotta have PM represented here. He keeps games close or shuts down the opposition.
That’s $14.50. I’m going to Tompkins Square Deli to get a 32oz Sapporo with the rest of the cash.
I need that Tortorella money so you’ve got me, Nick. Does the team really matter when you have this kind of solid organization upstairs / at ACE bar?