{"id":10585,"date":"2015-04-16T14:49:25","date_gmt":"2015-04-16T18:49:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=10585"},"modified":"2015-04-16T14:49:25","modified_gmt":"2015-04-16T18:49:25","slug":"breaking-news-endorsements-have-swept-the-league-due-to-ref-fee-increases","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/breaking-news-endorsements-have-swept-the-league-due-to-ref-fee-increases\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking News: Endorsements Have Swept the League due to Ref Fee Increases!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Many teams have had to garner subway ad endorsements to make Sunday summer fun 2015 at Tompkins possible, Hseih reports. \u00a0<\/p>\n

A note to the reader: this is what I remember from these interviews, word for word, if, I had actually interviewed them, which I cannot remember.\u00a0 –Hsieh<\/p>\n

I caught up with Ryan from the Gremlins to hear his heart-wrenching story.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Gremlins love BTSH, and we always held this league in a special place in our hearts,” Ryan started. \u00a0“However, after hearing the news of what was coming down the pipe in reffing fees, I am in shock.\u00a0 I knew it meant one thing\u2014I didn\u2019t have the money, none of us did\u2014I would have to sell my 1970 AMC Gremlin, our team\u2019s mascot and clown car, which we have so many great memories of all 15 of us getting in and driving to Tompkins Square hoping we wouldn\u2019t get rear-ended.\u00a0 Rodney has to part with his 1971 Ford Pinto now, too.\u00a0 It\u2019s a sad day to be a Gremlin\u2026” (Ryan breaks into tears)\u00a0
“And now! I just got word that our goalie, Jamie\u2014had to sell all of his clothes for pennies on the dollar, in order to play this year because he has to pay the increase for all five teams he plays on.\u00a0 What is he going to do\u2014he only owns a pair of mesh shorts and sunglasses now! \u00a0This still wasn\u2019t enough money, so we had to get an endorsement and change our name.\u00a0 We are legally now the NanoBraces\u2026 we are so broke\u2026 what are we, the MTA?! \u00a0The horror\u2014the horror\u2026”(Ryan continues to cry, falling onto his knees)<\/p>\n

\"Endorsements\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t sure if I could do another interview, after hearing what the Gremlins were going through. \u00a0Luckily, the Gremlins<\/span> NanoBraces invited me out for their last clown car to Tompkins ride of their careers. \u00a0<\/p>\n

It was a sad ride, but soon we were in Alphabet City. Things went from sad to worse.\u00a0 Off in the distance, we recognized two folks.\u00a0 I know fundraising is hard, but it appeared two BTSHers sprung up something harder. Anklebiter Craig \u201cTouch My Dinkus\u201d LaCombe and Pounder Tommy C-Lami were enjoying their teams fundraising methods so much, it appeared they quit their jobs to permanently touch their toes for people near Tompkins.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=2gVhZT1tHzg<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

John Walker puked, Rodney pulled out a dollar, we drove away as fast as possible.<\/p>\n

We got back to Tompkins to catch up with the man presumably so downtrodden, we could barely do the interview\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cDan Hopper! Where are you living now? I know that Williamsburg rent just keeps going up and up, the Oasis falafel place raised their rates from $3 a pita to $4.50, $5 beer and shot specials are getting harder to find by the minute in the Burg.\u00a0 How are you handling this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you look so glum, Hsieh\u2014I just put down on an apartment in Tribeca\u2014SHIT! I never thought I could say I was a rich man, but thanks to BTSH and those few captains, I\u2019ve finally made it! \u00a0Before, I thought I\u2019d just be a lowly renter being a pioneer my whole life gentrifying neighborhoods before rich trust funders outgentrified me, only then to be kicked out by them!\u00a0 Now, I already got a superbowl ad spot for 30 seconds\u2014and it\u2019s just a picture of my face! \u00a0Hell, I\u2019ve got so much money from reffing the first week, I was going to see Dr. Zizmor, then realized, fuck\u2014I can just buy the man and make him my personal doctor!\u00a0 Life\u2019s good, damn good.\u201d And then a car horn went off, Hopper gave me the finger.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWell lame-o, that\u2019s my ride!\u201d and wandered to his limo that just showed up. <\/p>\n

\"Rich<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Many teams have had to garner subway ad endorsements to make Sunday summer fun 2015 at Tompkins possible, Hseih reports. \u00a0 A note to the reader: this is what I remember from these interviews, word for word, if, I had actually interviewed them, which I cannot remember.\u00a0 –Hsieh I caught up with Ryan from the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1636,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10585"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1636"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10585"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10585\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10588,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10585\/revisions\/10588"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}