by Eli Kazin of Cobra Kai<\/p>\n
BAD TOUCH
\nColor: Grey\/Red
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 2-18-0 (16th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Pork Fried Rice in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1983-84 Saint Louis Blues
\nSynopsis (Courtesy of Wikipedia): \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Bad Touch\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is the first single by The Bloodhound Gang off their 1999 album Hooray for Boobies. This is perhaps the bands most well-known song and propelled the group into stardom, with lyrics such as “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals \/ so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”. It was released in 1999 internationally and a year later in the US and UK. The song was also remixed by Eiffel 65, who also enjoyed a similar short-term success at the time. The music is based on the Pet Shop Boys song “In the Night” (the B-side of the “Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money)” single from the album Please), and was reportedly written in 1986, by then 14-year-old Jimmy Pop.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nMark Anderson
\nJoshua Brody
\nDaniel Canarick
\nToby Carroll
\nBethany Cocco
\nJane Cramer
\nEric Devlin
\nJamie Goski
\nHilary Goldstein
\nAlex Gross
\nPeter Hanchak
\nJonathan Hanson
\nAmy Krawczyk
\nKelly LeVasseur
\nBill MacGregor
\nSylvia Marcos
\nKerry McGovern
\nAlex Eben Meyer
\nElizabeth Moy
\nChristopher Neal
\nJennifer Nedbalsky
\nCate Nolan
\nC: Martin Olson
\nDoug Robinson
\nShannon Roddy
\nScott Rosenthal
\nG: Michael Tuckman
\nKristin Varner
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
COBRA KAI
\nColor: Camouflage
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 2-17-1 (15th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Mathematics in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1984-85 New York Rangers
\nSynopsis: After playing the first two-thirds of the season as Henry Motion, they changed their name to Cobra Kai, unveiled new uniforms, and over the final third of the season, they played more like a unit rather than a bunch of individuals. They must overcome the loss of defensive stalwart Brendan \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Flounder\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hay, and the early season schedule is not kind, with three of the semifinalists from the 2006 season in the first four weeks. The dojo will improve this season, although they could be in trouble if the opposition is Daniel LaRusso. Sweep The Leg!<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nGreg \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lysol\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Altman
\nAra \u00e2\u20ac\u01536-1-9!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Arnn
\nLaurie Chakel
\nRay Chan
\nDave Cicirelli
\nMorgan \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Secretary of Defense\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Doninger
\nRick \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hafner\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Freeman
\nRem Garavito
\nEli \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Neon\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Kazin
\nShannon Levenherz
\nJonathan Levine
\nBrian Morrison
\nMariko Nakatani
\nAlexander Nicoloff
\nC: Peter \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ski\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Oblamski
\nMary Pratt
\nEnayet \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Retail\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Rasul
\nMike \u00e2\u20ac\u0153FLIP!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Sanfilippo
\nDerek \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Pink\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Tagliarino
\nChristina \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mojito\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Verigan
\nLeah \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Vick-ahs\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Vickers
\nLucas \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Rusty\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Vickers
\nG: Stefanie Volanto
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
CORLEARS HOOKERS
\nColor: White\/Dark Blue
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: N\/A
\n2006 Playoff Results: N\/A
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1993-94 Florida Panthers
\nSynopsis: One of the two new teams for the 2007 season, the Corlears Hookers pulled some players from Filthy Gorgeous and the Tuques (of Steel), and filled in the rest of the roster with free agents. Captain Peter Putka is the league\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s liaison with the Parks Department, and that combined with the fact that their name is partly derived from one of the sites where games are played should result in a home-court advantage for all games played at Corlears Hook Park. That home-court advantage, however, will not be afforded for games played at Moffo Rink. Their sexy gold \u00e2\u20ac\u0153CH\u00e2\u20ac\u009d logo can also be (tighly) found on working girls on the corner of La Gaucheti\u00c3\u00a8re and Montagne.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nG: Chris Beauvois
\nMicaela Birmingham
\nKelly Buchanan
\nNickie Gill
\nAlbert Huang
\nBrendan Kearney
\nGavin Kearney
\nDavid Kucharsky
\nElizabeth Lewis
\nDustin Olson
\nRiley Olson
\nC: Peter Putka
\nSamantha Reenders
\nMauricio Rojas
\nDanielle Rumore
\nJosh Sadlier-Brown
\nAnshu Sinha
\nMatthew Zimmerman
\nKelly Buchanan
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
DARK RAINBOWS
\nColor: Pink\/Black\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 14-6-0 (4th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Mexican Standoff in first round, lost to LBS in quarterfinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1990-91 Montreal Canadiens
\nSynopsis: The league\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most mysterious team returns with very little roster turnover. The biggest offseason loss was the departure of goaltender John Meyer, although he is still listed on the roster, possibly as a goalie emeritus. Trevor Tyrrell, widely known as Jesus, will be the main goalie in a rotating goalie system for the 2007 season. The only uncertainty for the Rainbows is which of the following will be greater: the number of games they win in 2007, or the number of combined appearances by their players at the bars after games.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nDan Abdo
\nAaron Behr
\nJennie Brown
\nJohn Cassidy
\nK.C. Fisher-Behr
\nLindsey Foehrenbach
\nJesse Gerstein
\nJesse Hanes
\nLibby Hartle-Tyrrell
\nYui Lewis
\nG: John Meyer
\nMasako Miyazaki
\nJohn Nielsen
\nJenny O\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Brian
\nC: Sean Reynolds
\nMichel Steenport
\nBrad Thomason
\nG: Trevor Tyrrell
\nEvan Wilson
\nJosh Wilson
\nP.T. Walkley
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
DENIM DEMONS
\nColor: Red\/Black\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 6-12-2 (11th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Unicorns in first round, lost to Rehabs in quarterfinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1987-88 Detroit Red Wings
\nSynopsis: The Denim Demons were the victims of bad luck in 2006, as nine of their twelve losses were by one goal, including three losses in overtime. If a few more bounces had gone their way, they could have easily finished four or five spots higher in the standings. They are another team that changed goalies in the offseason, but if they can reverse their luck, doubling their win total from six to twelve is not out of the question.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nHenrik Carlsson
\nGabby Carson
\nRob Carswell
\nKlara Chan
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hacksaw\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jim Dandeneau
\nJeff Dworkin
\nNoah Farkas
\nSara Farkas
\nSara Fenchel
\nEllery Gillette
\nMicael Holmstr\u00c3\u00b6m
\nAna Hurka-Robles
\nJeff Kamen
\nJanica Lee
\nPeter Maltin
\nAbigail Meisterman
\nG: Jim Morris
\nLena Moy-Borgen
\nAaron \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Coach\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Pagdon
\nDanny Polinsky
\nKaren Rosenberg
\nC: Adam \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Legend Killer\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Rubens
\nDave Shyu
\nJoanna Smith
\nAnthony Spagnolo
\nZack Tinkelman
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
FILTHY GORGEOUS
\nColor: Green\/Black
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 10-9-1 (9th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Gouging Anklebiters in first round, lost to Pork Fried Rice in quarterfinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1991-92 Minnesota North Stars
\nSynopsis: Filthy Gorgeous, ironically, suffered the most from the creation of the new teams, as approximately ten players from the 2006 roster are playing on either Corlears Hookers or Skyfighters in 2007, as they scavanged the abandoned SF roster. James Stein and Marie Widman will split time in goal, and Homin \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maverick\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lee and Paul \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ashy Larry\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Vernon were brought in from Cobra Kai to bolster the offense. They are also the self-proclaimed best looking team in the league, and by best looking, they are referring to physical good looks.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nRebecca Antar
\nFred Boucher
\nBruno Caron
\nC: Jeff Giberstein
\nFran Graziano
\nJean Hebert
\nDana Kravis
\nHomin \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maverick\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Lee
\nJames Pereira
\nSuvin Malik
\nMatt Novick
\nJonathan Rick
\nC: Monica Russo
\nSabrina Shulman
\nHomin K. Smith
\nG: James Stein
\nPaul \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ashy Larry\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Vernon
\nLiza Watts
\nG: Marie Widman
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
FRESH KILLS
\nColor: Blue\/Grey
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 8-10-2 (10th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to What The Puck in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1985-86 New York Islanders
\nSynopsis (Courtesy of Wikipedia): The Fresh Kills Landfill on the New York City borough of Staten Island, was formerly the largest landfill in the world, at 2200 acres (890 hectares), and was New York City’s principal landfill in the second half of the 20th century. The name “Fresh Kills” refers to its location along the banks of the Fresh Kills estuary in western Staten Island.
\nOpened in 1948, it became one of the largest refuse heaps in human history. It also achieved the status as the highest human-made hill directly on the East Coast of the United States. It is also seen as being the largest man-made structure on Earth. In fact in 2001 it’s peak was taller than the Statue Of Liberty. Under local pressure and with support of the United States Environmental Protection Agency, the landfill site was closed on March 22, 2001. However, after the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center, the landfill was temporarily reopened in order to receive and process much of the debris from the destruction. Most of the debris was later removed and sold for scrap.
\nStarting in 2003, the site was planned to be transformed into reclaimed wetlands, recreational facilities and landscaped public parkland, the largest expansion of the New York City parks since the development of the chain of parks in the Bronx during the 1890s. In January, 2005, Staten Island Borough president James Molinaro announced plans to open three roads leading out of the former landfill to regular traffic, as part of an effort to ease the road congestion for which Staten Island has become notorious in recent years. Construction on the actual park is expected to start after the completion of environmental and last use reviews at the end of 2007. The three-phased development of the park is expected to last 30 years.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nJennifer Chen
\nCaroline Currie
\nShane DeBlasio
\nPatty Fernandez
\nC: Kevin Foster
\nAlexandre Frenette
\nNicolas Frenette
\nG: Dave Gil de Rubio
\nJeff Goldberg
\nHsi-Yun Hsiung
\nC: Amy Jones
\nHeidi Karst
\nJulie Kim
\nJeff Lesser
\nHiromi Moore
\nPatrick Moore
\nRaphael Pereira
\nEugene Rha
\nB.R. Rolya
\nBrice Rosenbloom
\nJulie Rubenstein
\nDave Sokolyansky
\nMike Sokolyansky
\nJoe Tamburo
\nScott Townsend
\nAlicia Walker
\nBob Weyersberg
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
GOUGING ANKLEBITERS
\nColor: Blue
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 10-8-2 (8th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Filthy Gorgeous in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1988-89 Los Angeles Kings
\nSynopsis (Courtesy of Phil Donohue): Coming off an extended spring exhibition schedule, the Anklebiters enter the 2007 season in peak physical condition. Much of the old team remains from ’06, with the addition of three promising rookies who join the frontline attack that already features veterans like Chuck DeFranco, Shannon Voto and the team’s Godfather, Schuie. On defense, the Anklebiters boast stalwarts Kim Gill, Naomi Gabay and the 6 million dollar Jason Korsakoff.
\nStill, as frustrated forwards throughout the league know, the team’s Rock of Gibraltar is in goal in the form of “Quiet” Mike O’Connor.
\n“I feel good,” O’Connor said recently after a team scrimmage. “And I think the team is ready to make a run at this thing (the BTSH Cup). I mean, really, who’s gonna stand in our way? PFR? Overrated. Unicorns? Their goalie’s on the sauce and Showtime wrestles like a girl. LBS? Well, let’s just hope they don’t get their pretty white outfits dirty while they play.
\n“Yup, I’m feelin’ good about the new season.”
\nFamous for being the object of league-wide persecution, the Anklebiters open the year with a clean slate and an empty rap sheet. Will that continue? And will they once again outnumber every other team at the Johnsons 3-to-1? Time will tell, but judging by the team turnout at the BTSH opening party, the Anklebiters should once again dominate the BTSH social scene.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nMary Abramtsev
\nAmy Barrett
\nChristy Cabot-Bini
\nCharles DeFranco
\nEric DiPierri
\nC: Phil Donohue
\nNaomi Gabay
\nNick Gardella
\nKim Gill
\nMegan Kelly
\nTom Kornecook
\nJason Korsakoff
\nAlex Lowen
\nMike Menkes
\nCaroline Morrissey-Bickerton
\nG: Mike O\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Connor
\nAlex Owen
\nPete Prohaska
\nMichael Ross
\nJeremy \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Schuie\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Schumacher
\nSeth Shenkman
\nMatt Tsiang
\nShannon Voto
\nZach Weiner
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
LBS
\nColor: White\/Blue
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 13-7-0 (5th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Tuques in first round, defeated Dark Rainbows in quarterfinals, lost to Pork Fried Rice in semifinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2001-02 Toronto Maple Leafs
\nSynopsis: The skirts, collared polo shirts, pound symbol, and general whiteness of their uniforms all scream elitism, but don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let that fool you. They can play hockey, too, and are quite good at it. The British pound climbed to a 26\u00e2\u20ac\u201cyear high versus the American dollar this past week, which could bode well for LBS, or be completely meaningless and unrelated. If they win the title, expect a parade in one of the following locales: Beverly Hills, California; Greenwich, Connecticut; Newport Beach, California; Potomac, Maryland; Scarsdale, New York. <\/p>\n
Roster:
\nBrad Allecia
\nSamuel Anthony
\nJason Bogdaneris
\nTom Capotosta
\nAnthony Cecutti
\nAlexandra Chenitz
\nKeith Gessen
\nAnne Grady
\nMolly Jacobs
\nSascha Lehman
\nC: Fernando Limonic
\nSuzi Metzger
\nTim Newman
\nKarsten Pitchon
\nKen Poulin
\nC: Sascha Puritz
\nDan Rosenbaum
\nDustin Shutes
\nJeremy Steinhaus
\nMike Stretton
\nSan Tong
\nSiobhan Towey
\nG: Seth Wachtell
\nPhilip Yang
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
MATHEMATICS
\nColor: Grey\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 16-3-1 (2nd place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Cobra Kai in first round, lost to What The Puck in quarterfinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2002-03 Ottawa Senators
\nSynopsis: The Mathematics led the league in goals scored last season, but were upset in the quarterfinals by What The Puck, proving once again that offense wins games, but defense wins championships. Captain Sharif Corinaldi has added a few more females to the roster, which should reduce the number of games where Laura MacNeil was the only female, aside from goalie Sarah Coombs, from many to none. Andy Pratt and his hockey abilities return, so the offense should be as potent as ever, but the defense could be problematic due to Sharif\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perpetually injured wrist \u00e2\u20ac\u201c seriously, when is that going to heal?<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nDan Arndt
\nAdam Benmoise
\nCurt Chaplin
\nJeffrey Contray
\nG: Sarah Coombs
\nC: Sharif Corinaldi
\nNoam Dolgin
\nAli Gazan
\nMarc Grassi
\nAndy Levine
\nAndrew Lu
\nLaura MacNeil
\nMark McGregor
\nRajeev Nath
\nSheena Otto
\nGeorgine Paulin
\nAndy Pratt
\nMarina Reti
\nBen Roth
\nJoelle Sedlmeyer
\nBradley Schmidt
\nRoss Sealfon
\nRebecca Simpson
\nMark Sullivan
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
MEXICAN STANDOFF
\nColor: Blue\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 4-15-1 (13th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Dark Rainbows in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1978-79 Chicago Black Hawks
\nSynopsis: I was all set to put together a few sentences about Mexican Standoff, but nothing can top what Jeff \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Peaches\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hendricks has to say…
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be pretty cool is if we had a taco bar at every game. And a blender for frozen Mai-Tais would just be the absolute coolest. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to further say that the team most likely to have a private tent containing such items (however occasionally) would certainly not be What The Puck. Nor Mathematics. Not even would Pork Fried Rice be able to pull off such a feat. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m tired and hungry and thirsty now. Which also reminds me there should be a nap time between tailgating and hockey playing. Or points for on court vomiting (only if done tastefully).\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n…the 2007 Mexican Standoff season \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I look forward to it.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nNick Beaudoing
\nBen Bloom
\nJohn Bonfanti
\nHaanwa Chau
\nTommy Cho
\nGary Cohen
\nBeth Conroy
\nSarah Conroy
\nJason Greenberg
\nLen Guinto
\nC: Jeff \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Peaches\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Hendricks
\nAmanda Jenkins
\nAshley Jones
\nMax Jones
\nAynsley Kirshenbaum
\nScott Lee
\nTim Olson
\nMichele Outland
\nG: Sital Patel
\nJason Rosenstock
\nHanna Stark
\nKristen Scalia
\nKristen Twinkie
\nPaul Valenti
\nDave Wang
\nKirsten Wise
\nJames Yung
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
MIGHTY SQUIRRELS
\nColor: Brown
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 4-15-1 (14th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Rehabs in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1998-99 San Jose Sharks
\nSynopsis: The Mighty Squirrels love to drink, which makes perfect sense when you consider that a bar sponsors them. Their alcoholism can be seen as a strength, and as a weakness; the drinking results in a strongly unified team, but also draws attention and focus away from the hockey aspect. The biggest offseason development for them is the goalie situation, where 2006 starter Rob Gorden and Tim \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Scrappy\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gray will share time in a platoon scenario. They play with a dogged and tenacious style, so if they can avoid a goalie controversy, they should definitely improve on their 2006 finish.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nCharles Asch
\nEric Breitman
\nMary Brower
\nScott Brower
\nJason Cheek
\nEric Cole
\nDustin D\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Addato
\nRitch Duncan
\nCarine Faveris
\nKyle Fogden
\nG: Robert Gorden
\nG: Tim \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Scrappy\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Gray
\nRachel Greene
\nJesse Kalb
\nZ.Y. Kesselman
\nGary Kowalski
\nNicole Lanctot
\nPatrick Larsen
\nC: Marie Marberg
\nAmanda Melson
\nMike Mincieli
\nDave Paglia
\nMargaret Radzik
\nArthur Revechkis
\nAndrea Schloeder
\nMary Simmons
\nCraig Thompson
\nMiky Wolf
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
PORK FRIED RICE
\nColor: Red\/Black
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 18-2-0 (1st place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Bad Touch in first round, defeated Filthy Gorgeous in quarterfinals, defeated LBS in semifinals, lost to What The Puck in finals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1976-77 Philadelphia Flyers
\nSynopsis: The team that everyone loves to hate returns with a slimmed down roster. Ed Lau, Gail Bichler, Janica Lee, and a cast of others have departed, but Pork Fried Rice returns enough players from 2006 to still be extremely dangerous. One of those returning players is rookie sensation Mike \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Cupcake\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Bartlett, who looks to avoid a sophomore slump. If he can do so, look for them to be near the top of the standings. If he falls victim to it, look for them to still be somewhere near the top of the standings.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nSteve Babcock
\nBrian Barrett
\nEileen Barrett
\nMike \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Cupcake\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Bartlett
\nChristina Blanco
\nCaley Boyd
\nSean Donnelly
\nHolly Dice
\nNicole Fazio
\nNatasha Foy
\nChris Grunke
\nTim Hannon
\nEric Healey
\nFayth Henley
\nKeith Koeferl
\nJulie Lauer
\nG: P.J. Lopez
\nJohn Mack
\nCaroline Miller
\nGina Montefeltri
\nDenis Monty
\nMike Taylor
\nLaura Traynham
\nC: Ant Ventolieri
\nMatt Ventolieri
\nLea Westort
\nMike Westort
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
REHABS
\nColor: Black\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 15-4-1 (3rd place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Mighty Squirrels in first round, defeated Denim Demons in quarterfinals, lost to What The Puck in semifinals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2000-01 Colorado Avalanche
\nSynopsis: The Rehabs hit their stride down the stretch last season, going 11-0-1 after a 4-4 start, and finished with their best record since winning back-to-back championships in 2001 and 2002. However, it has been five years since their last championship, and Ed Lau and Gail Bichler, both formerly of Pork Fried Rice, were added as free agents to help obtain that elusive third title. The Rehabs have all the pieces in place to win that title, with depth and talent at the skill positions and Anthony Romeo holding down the fort in goal, but attendance could be their downfall. Captain Bryan Welch is also openly challenging any team to a Sunday whiskey-slushy-beer-pong-throw-down at The Johnson\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nChantel Arroyo
\nGail Bichler
\nJ. P. Chaput
\nAngelique Everett
\nJon Feldman
\nJohn Gazley
\nGina Hackett
\nAndy Kehoe
\nStacy Kehoe
\nKatherine Kunath
\nEd Lau
\nMichael Lewis
\nCameron Macniven
\nPeter McRae
\nKami Moore
\nJames Nicholson
\nLateef Nurmohamed
\nTom O’Connor
\nG: Anthony Romeo
\nMichael Sayre
\nDaniel Torjman
\nTed Travelstead
\nTheo Waters
\nNoah Weisberg
\nGreg Weitzman
\nC: Bryan Welch
\nBrian Wong
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
SKYFIGHTERS
\nColor: Dark Blue
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: N\/A
\n2006 Playoff Results: N\/A
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2000-01 Columbus Blue Jackets
\nSynopsis: The Skyfighters finished near the top of the league in 2003 and 2004, but suffered a quick and sudden demise in 2005, which was capped off by numerous forfeits due to failing to field a team for games. After a one year hiatus the Skyfighters return with a promise to show up for every game. This is eerily similar to the Southern Methodist University football team receiving the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153death penalty\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in 1987, and not fielding a football team in 1987 and 1988. After being a perennial contender in the early and mid 1980s, SMU has struggled to reach mediocrity since returning from probation. Will the same fate befall the Skyfighters? Only time will tell.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nAreti (No last name provided)
\nDominic Ardolino
\nBen Ashermann
\nC: Patrick Borelli
\nJessica Cantrell
\nNick Caruso
\nMartin Cejka
\nJohn Cochran
\nJon Daly
\nJessica Delfino
\nEmma Field-Rayner
\nJon Glaser
\nAnne Harris
\nDave Hill
\nDan Hooper
\nNick Kroll
\nSarah Larson
\nJosh Lewittes
\nMarc McDonald
\nKristen Moore Johnson
\nDaniel Newbower
\nMegan Nicolay
\nRob Nitschke
\nTed Shumaker
\nJulie Smith
\nSiobhan Vivian
\nSarah Walker
\nGary Wilmes<\/p>\n
TUQUES OF STEEL
\nColor: Red\/Yellow
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 7-13-0 (12th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to LBS in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1986-87 Boston Bruins
\nSynopsis: The Tuques (formerly Tuques of Steel) were plagued with goaltender issues throughout 2006, but managed to win a game where they did not have a goalie by a score of 11-2. The goalie issues appear to be resolved for the 2007 season, and they have the shooters to make any game competitive.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nMegan Angelini
\nSherman Chan
\nJill Cohen
\nSean Crimmins
\nRui Domingues
\nDeep Dutta
\nTom Goss
\nAndrea Grande-Capone
\nLisa Harrington
\nKarmel Kanlas
\nDean Keyworth
\nKen Krantz
\nC: Dave Ladanyi
\nSteven Landgraber
\nAlfred Liu
\nZoe Markwick
\nHolly Ann Mendenhall
\nBill Monahan
\nSarah Moore
\nEmilia Peraza
\nStephanie Philipie
\nTodd Robertson
\nKen Rosenkrantz
\nFrank Russo
\nScott Sampson
\nG: Matthew Spedeleri
\nAnna Steffen
\nGabe Wilson
\nPete Wilson
\nTom Wittig
\nAlex Young
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
UNICORNS
\nColor: Yellow\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 11-5-4 (6th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Denim Demons in first round
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1996-97 Buffalo Sabres
\nSynopsis: The Unicorns relied on superb goaltending and solid defense in 2006, and were arguably the hardest working team in BTSH. Goaltender Craig Lacombe allowed the fewest goals in the league, but the Unicorns were upset in the first round of the playoffs. The Unicorns will look for revenge in the rematch with the Denim Demons on May 13th, and have added the following statement: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Unicorns is the most corrosions in the alliance group. We have played
\ntogether and nearly won the champion since 2001. The woman which we like beer which adjusts to become and enjoying an happier matter in the life. Our motto is \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCauses fuck to change coldly\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
Roster:
\nAmy Baker
\nJohn Mark Boling
\nAllison Busch
\nCourtney Butler
\nAaron Coles
\nChris Eng
\nCaitlin Ervin
\nBrendan Grainger
\nSteph Kanan
\nTed Kilcommons
\nMegan Kimball
\nG: Craig Lacombe
\nMark McAdam
\nHector \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Showtime\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Melendez
\nRyan Mills
\nAaron Mullan
\nSara Pourghasemi
\nC: Christian Stadler
\nLindsay Turley
\nAlex Zabala
\n———————————————<\/p>\n
WHAT THE PUCK
\nColor: Orange\/White
\n2006 Regular Season Finish: 12-8-0 (7th place)
\n2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Fresh Kills in first round, defeated Mathematics in quarterfinals, defeated Rehabs in semifinals, defeated Pork Fried Rice in finals
\nNHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1989-90 Edmonton Oilers
\nSynopsis: What The Puck won their second BTSH championship in 2006, catching fire in the playoffs after an up and down regular season. They earned the title by defeating the top three regular season finishers by a combined scored of 11-3. The offseason losses were minimal, with super ref Katherine Brown and 2002 asshole of the year and original team member Scott Daulton being the only major departures. Only five players (Mike Woodsworth, Amy Farley, Susanna Tenney, Kevin Lutsky, captain Larry Zimmer) were on both championship teams, which should keep the 2007 squad hungry for a third title, and that hunger will be necessary, as every team in the league will bring their A game when facing the defending champs.<\/p>\n
Roster:
\nEmma Arons
\nG: Roderick Cruz
\nMichelle Doucet
\nCeline Dujeux
\nAmy Farley
\nJennifer Hale
\nDarrell Hartman
\nLaurissa James
\nErica Lee
\nKevin Lutsky
\nTom MacDonald
\nTara Roscoe
\nJasmine Sandler
\nScott Taylor
\nSusanna Tenney
\nBrian Vroom
\nElettra Wiedermann
\nCorey Winters
\nMike Woodsworth
\nC: Larry Zimmer<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by Eli Kazin of Cobra Kai BAD TOUCH Color: Grey\/Red 2006 Regular Season Finish: 2-18-0 (16th place) 2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Pork Fried Rice in first round NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1983-84 Saint Louis Blues Synopsis (Courtesy of Wikipedia): \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Bad Touch\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is the first single by The Bloodhound Gang off their 1999 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-123","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-reports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/123"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=123"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/123\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=123"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=123"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=123"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}