{"id":12422,"date":"2016-05-05T09:45:17","date_gmt":"2016-05-05T13:45:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=12422"},"modified":"2016-05-05T09:45:17","modified_gmt":"2016-05-05T13:45:17","slug":"franchise-four-butchers-mighty-squirrels","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/franchise-four-butchers-mighty-squirrels\/","title":{"rendered":"Franchise Four – Butchers \/ Mighty Squirrels"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Dana K. of the Butchers<\/em><\/p>\n

Originally the Mighty Squirrels, the most fun team for refs to call for \u201ctoo many men\u201d when an actual squirrel ran on the courts at Corlears Park, the team split into The Butchers and Poutine Machine in 2010.<\/p>\n

Rachel G.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0
Rachel Greene, while not technically the captain of the Butchers this year, \u201cI\u2019m just a player these days, I swear,\u201d Greene protested from behind her marble desk at Butchers H.Q. in Clinton Hill, is still thought of by her team as their Don Corleone. As the head of the family she takes it hard when members leave. This year when Jeff Laniado defected Greene happened upon his new team jersey and it used in a series of photographs later that night, the least offensive of which featured Rachel pooping it into a toilet. \u201cHe\u2019s just lucky I didn\u2019t have my Beadazzler on me,\u201d said Greene. \u201cI would have tricked that thing out like a My Little Pony complete with the comb.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her signature move: the double leg jump in mid-air after scoring a goal. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Like<\/a>

Like this, but cuter.<\/p><\/div>\n

Michael M.<\/strong>\u00a0
One of the most underrated defensemen in the league, Mike is the Butchers secret weapon. Calm, with a killer shot from the point Mike used to refuse to take the ball away from female opponents \u201cmy mama raised me right,\u201d he used to say before Greene hosted an intervention with him at her compound in Bogota. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t do that anymore,\u201d Greene stated in a propaganda video released to the media. \u201cYeah, I don\u2019t do that anymore,\u201d Mike said beside her. \u201cCan I see my wife now?\u201d When accused of badly treating the visibly thin and pale Mike while he was in her care Greene said, \u201che always looks like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t let his nice guy demeanor on the court fool you though, off court Mike is a ruthless lawyer at Etsy where he is singlehandedly trying to take the company in a new direction. \u201cAll I\u2019m saying is, less decoupage, more weapons of mass destruction. But definitely keep the chicken sweaters<\/a>. Give the people what they want!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Etsy<\/a>

Etsy best seller, seriously.<\/p><\/div>Arthur R.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0
Originally brought on to bring some true Russian hockey know-how to the Butchers, Arthur found it a daunting task to pass on his wisdom. \u201cWe tried holding a practice once and Dana and Rachel kept telling each other how good each other\u2019s hair looked,\u201d Arthur said, patting his own head. \u201cIt was really distracting. Then Georgine asked where the mimosas were. \u00a0She thought we were at brunch.\u201d \u00a0Reduced to pointing towards the other team\u2019s net and screaming \u201cthat way!\u201d Arthur has learned to content himself with the small victories. \u201cMike ordered a vodka soda at the bar the other day,\u201d he said with a smile and a nod. \u00a0\u201cI feel pretty good about that.\u201d

\"Arthur,<\/a>

Arthur, during the 2015 July break.<\/p><\/div>\n


Jason R.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0
Rosie, as he is known, is the spirit animal of the Butchers. And that animal is a golden retriever sporting a baja on those chilly BTSH spring days.\u00a0 When told the baja made him look like a suburban drug dealer from Albequerque he said, \u201cWhatever man, make fun of the baja all you want, but I rescued a family of baby penguins with this thing when I was living on a glacier in Greenland for three months and it was adorable.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

His delight in wearing Mexican blankets aside, Rosenstock is a genius on offense, \u201cEven I <\/em>don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do out there,\u201d Rosie says when questioned about his hockey strategy. \u00a0\u201cThat last move you saw where I did a backflip off my hoverboard and landed in a waterfall? I call that \u2018Navajo sunrise. At daybreak.\u2019\u201d Arthur smiled at his teammate, took a sip from his flask and said, \u201cEveryone makes the playoffs.\u201d
\"rock<\/a><\/p>\n

Honorable mention:<\/strong> Georgine P., for making statements like, \u201cWho caaares?\u201d at Captains’ meetings while still being the friendliest person in the room. Gary K., the scariest looking nicest guy ever. And a damn good hockey player. Tim B., who rivals Jamie for smiliest goalie, no matter what he\u2019s up against.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Dana K. of the Butchers Originally the Mighty Squirrels, the most fun team for refs to call for \u201ctoo many men\u201d when an actual squirrel ran on the courts at Corlears Park, the team split into The Butchers and Poutine Machine in 2010. Rachel G.\u00a0\u00a0Rachel Greene, while not technically the captain of the Butchers […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[246],"class_list":["post-12422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info","tag-franchise-four"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12422"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12422"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12565,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12422\/revisions\/12565"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}