{"id":12432,"date":"2016-04-28T09:53:23","date_gmt":"2016-04-28T13:53:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=12432"},"modified":"2016-04-28T11:21:30","modified_gmt":"2016-04-28T15:21:30","slug":"facing-backwards-this-week-in-btsh-but-a-decade-ago-so-not-really-this-week","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/facing-backwards-this-week-in-btsh-but-a-decade-ago-so-not-really-this-week\/","title":{"rendered":"Facing Backwards: This Week in BTSH, But a Decade Ago, So Not Really *This* Week"},"content":{"rendered":"

A look in the wrong direction at what way we once were
\nby Belshazzar Chl\u00f6roplast and the Corlear’s Hook Preservation Society<\/a><\/p>\n

As the great Bob Marley<\/a> once said, “if you know your history, something something something something.” In keeping with that wisdom, this special feature, Facing Backwards<\/strong>, will take a look back at historical BTSH documents from the hockety past with a critical eye toward traditions that linger like Passover, the things that have changed over the years, what knowledge has been lost to history, and a compendium of ethnic slurs. It’s on asshole! [sic]<\/em><\/p>\n

\"AshStreethockey77\"<\/a>

BTSH, 2006<\/em><\/p><\/div><\/em><\/div>\n

\nHere’s what you’d have seen a decade ago, had you dialed into America Online and surfed upon the information superhighway to BTSH.org:
<\/p>\n

Week 3 Report
<\/strong>By sb on April 25, 2006<\/span><\/p>\n

*scores
<\/b>theme: ben and jerry\u2019s free cone day, today, 4\/25! if you hate free ice cream, the terrorists win!
fresh kills chunkied the monkey out of pfr, 5-3
g\u2019anklebiters put a cherry on bad touch, 4-1
lbs \u2018creamed tuques, 7-5
squirrels got filthy, 2-1 – not ice cream related, but i couldn\u2019t help myself
wtp took a new york superfudge chunk<\/span> out of rehabs, 5-4
unis banana split with demons, 2-2 tie
dark rainbows put rainbow sprinkles on henry motion, 6-1? we\u2019re working on that.
math gave heart disease to mso, 7-3 <\/span><\/div>\n

Analysis: <\/b>Back then, the weekly reports combined announcements, themed box scores, and paranoid screeds about terrorism. Who was SB? Only one of the founders of the league, you freakin’ ingrate. She wound up walking away from BTSH and into California seclusion, Brian Wilson-style. This was after being diagnosed with chronic hoofdaphobia (the fear of capital letters<\/a>), triggered by an incident from her upbringing on Sesame Street, when her pet grouch was torn apart by a pack of wild Qs. <\/p>\n

4\/25\/2006 really was Free Cone Day. Never forget! It was like an ice cream orgy. Sorry you missed it. You were grounded for malnourishing your Tamagotchi.<\/p>\n

\"benjerry\"<\/a>

Free Cone Day commemorative stamp issued by the U.S. Postal Service, which replaced their previous Franklin Delano Roosevelt stamp.<\/p><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/b>Continuing with the original text:
<\/b><\/p>\n

*week 3 faq
<\/strong>-it was so rainy in the morning! are games ever cancelled due to weather? not s\u2019much. if it\u2019s raining, just prepare\u2013 bring a garbage bag to cover your hockey bag with, a set of dry clothes, an umbrella, etc. now, if there\u2019s a seriously weather emergency, the kind that makes you tape up your windows and buy bottled water, we\u2019ll talk about cancelling. until then, game on.
<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n

Analysis:<\/strong> Yeah, we weren’t afraid of a couple raindrops and skinned knees back then. “Rain Fears” wasn’t a thing. We didn’t need safety visors neither. We walked 40 miles to play hockey in blizzards with snowdrifts seventeen feet high, uphill both ways. Quit your kvetchin’!!<\/p>\n

*standings<\/b>
bob\u2019s got it on lockdown in the standings section. my work here is done.<\/p>\n

<\/span>*next week
<\/b>WEEK 4: 4\/30\/06<\/p>\n

<\/span>CORLEARS
<\/span><\/span><\/span>3:00 PM Henry Motion vs. Filthy Gorgeous<\/span>
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>3:00 PM The Tuques vs. Mathematics<\/span>
<\/span><\/span><\/span>4:00 PM Mexican Standoff vs. Gouging Anklebiters<\/span>
<\/span>4:00 PM Rehabs vs. Pork Fried Rice<\/span>
<\/span>5:00 PM Mighty Squirrels vs. Unicorns<\/span>
<\/span>5:00 PM Denim Demons vs. What The Puck<\/span><\/p>\n

MOFFO
3:30 PM Fresh Kills vs. Dark Rainbows
4:30 PM Bad Touch vs. LBS<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n


Analysis: <\/strong>We used to play at two courts. The first was Corlear’s Hook Park, a trapezium-shaped court we bifurcated into two smaller trapezoids. One half featured a birdbath behind the net and a grassy knoll for shooting at cars on the FDR. Moffo, located down by Manhattan Mini-Storage, still sees use as a litterbox for dogs.<\/p>\n

Some of the teams are unchanged. Here’s ’em ones what done gone and did: <\/p>\n