{"id":13490,"date":"2016-08-25T09:34:44","date_gmt":"2016-08-25T13:34:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=13490"},"modified":"2016-08-25T10:36:26","modified_gmt":"2016-08-25T14:36:26","slug":"ocean-city-2016-preview-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/ocean-city-2016-preview-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Ocean City 2016 Preview – Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"11120546_666641896795172_7700991289218170767_n-2\"<\/a><\/p>\n

You wake up with a cigarette butt in your mouth and a Philly Cheese Steak stuck to your stomach. \u00a0Your eyes fight their way open as the sun pours through the windows of an unfamiliar room. \u00a0Wait, not so unfamiliar, this is the Seahawk Motel.<\/p>\n

It all comes rushing back. \u00a0Holding back your teammate’s hair while she hugs the porcelain throne. \u00a0Remembering that you guys hooked up on the Seacrets dancefloor. \u00a0Did anyone see? \u00a0Will it be awkward later? \u00a0Fuck it.<\/p>\n

Sand is everywhere. \u00a0In your toes. \u00a0On your face, your hair. \u00a0You can feel it running down your shirt as you sit up and look around.<\/p>\n

Your three roommates are all passed out around you. \u00a0One of them made it on to his bed. \u00a0Two of them have clothes on. \u00a0The clock reads 9:53. \u00a0You have a game at 10:00 across the street. \u00a0Let’s fucking go!<\/p>\n

–Phil D of Sea Section<\/em><\/p>\n

Kum & Go<\/strong> by J-Dubs<\/em><\/p>\n

\"OC<\/a>

Just a couple more spots open!<\/p><\/div>\n

I\u00a0asked team captain and one-man-party Sam Norris what makes this team so special. His response to me was “Mumble, mumble, glurg, glarg, glurg.”.\u00a0 He was too busy wolfing down hot wings and chugging Pabst (somehow at the exact same time?) to answer my question. I think what Sammy WOULD have said is this: what’s not to love about this team?\u00a0 Take your pick – Jamie’s laugh (and insane glove hand), the triumphant return of Becky Norris from overseas, the fact that we have the Commissioner, Walsh’s Tito’s and tonic recipe (oops, I gave away the recipe), Georgine’s calming presence, JW’s NON-calming presence, Barretta’s re-defection to the US, Eli’s sweatband, a crazed Scotsman, and I will leave the rest of our secret arsenal players……a secret.\u00a0 Also, let’s face it, when we look at OCs past, the name of the game has always been to kum………and go.<\/p>\n

Cecil Harambe<\/strong> by Richiehero<\/em><\/p>\n

Last year Derk, Ariel and I were on Plan B (Pullouts). We received this email a few months ago. “Hey guys , how are you? Just so you know we would rather you be dead than for us to ever play with you again. Any chance some other team can take you?”<\/p>\n

\"Cecil<\/a>

Cecil greets Harambe in Animal Heaven by trying to send him to Animal Hell.<\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Originally we were going to be called Muzz to combine Math and Fuzz but with only one Math member, that seemed ridiculous. So we decided to combine with Fresh Kills and be called Fuzz. (F for the Fresh Kills and uzz for Fuzz) But then\u00a0Harambe started blowing up in all the memes and Derk felt bad that Cecil wasn’t getting any play so we will be honoring both.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
How will our team be? We still don’t know if we have Gabe or not. We asked him literally 9 times and the last 8 times he said, “I already told you I’m not playing, stop asking me! And why is Cro sending me naked selfies? This is getting weird.”<\/div>\n
\n
\"Gabe

Gabe is highly considering our offer!<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

I won’t bore you with the roster. I’d prefer to bore you with wrestling references! But suffice to say, with so many Fresh Kills guys, we stand a very good chance of being the team that the Shortis will beat in the finals. Speaking of the Shortis, I hate when captains take things too seriously and try to win. Adding Jeff??? Really? Rachel Greene is going to be so pissed at you Julie, trust me I know! I mean, you sorttttta make up for stacking your team by having\u00a0Tim (I gave up an overtime goal to Rich Glanzer) K. as your goalie, but still.<\/p>\n

But I digress. Our team is going to be loads of fun. While Rachel (The Nodding Mansplainer) quit the team, we still have Rachel N.<\/p>\n

Nabatz pretty much\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0the party.\u00a0Hicks promises to eat 3 more crabs than Julie and taunt her endlessly about it. I plan on wrestling many people on the beach, both men and women and both people I know and I don’t. Catherine B. is probably going to be so mortified by our antics that she will beg Amy to take her on her team, but Worky probably will not allow it and tell us just to chill. We will of course not listen.<\/p>\n

But most of all, you are all invited the best party bus of the night. When we come home from Seacrets and chant the three best words in the American language. USA!! USA!! USA!!!<\/p>\n

\"USA!!

USA!! USA!! USA!!<\/p><\/div>\n

Shortis\u00a0<\/strong>by Olivier<\/em><\/p>\n

Cette 4e<\/sup>\u00a0et plus r\u00e9cente\u00a0<\/span>\u00e9dition de la franchise des Shortis tentera de prolonger la tradition d\u2019exceptionnelle r\u00e9ussite dans le domaine de\u00a0l\u2019excellence, qui est depuis le tout d\u00e9but le seul et unique objectif de cette \u00e9quipe officiellement commandit\u00e9e par Wawa. Apr\u00e8s un couronnement grandiose lors du premier tournoi Hockey Beach il y a d\u00e9j\u00e0 un an, les Shortis ont voyage partout dans le monde a la recherche d\u2019adversaires dignes leur talent et de leur intellect: le pittoresque village de Feasterville PA, puis, eh, Feasterville PA encore une fois, avant finalement retourner la o\u00f9 tout a commenc\u00e9, \u00e0 la merveilleuse station baln\u00e9aire du Maryland\u00a0: Ocean City.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Malgr\u00e9 un noyau relativement stable, des changements de personnel ont du \u00eatre r\u00e9alis\u00e9s au fil du temps pour diverse raisons. Les irrempla\u00e7ables Gunnar (blessure au haut du corps), James Stein (en attente de son 3e<\/sup>\u00a0enfant l\u00e9gitime, son 367e<\/sup>\u00a0nouveau-n\u00e9 au total, et le recensement continue), Roman (trop \u00e9nigmatique), le couple Ann & James (ils ne nous trouvent pas assez beaux), Sam et Ben (les traitres\u00a0!), MDF (impliqu\u00e9e dans un mariage de convenance), ainsi que l\u2019ex co-capitaine Rachel (suspendue de l\u2019\u00e9quipe ind\u00e9finiment pour ses frasques a l\u2019ext\u00e9rieur du terrain) furent rapidement et facilement oubli\u00e9s, alors que les divas Alexis et Mia, des Sky Fighters, et les d\u2019autant-plus-divas Liam et Will, en provenance de Kobra Ka\u00ef, se joignent au groupe de champions que sont Alexa, Jeff, Brady, Olivier, Pete, Caroline, Greg, Tim, ainsi que le revenant d\u2019outre-tombe Dan Hopper, le tout dirig\u00e9s d\u2019une main de fer par la capitaine, directrice g\u00e9n\u00e9rale, pr\u00e9sidente et grande mangeuse de crabes Julie Katz.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
L\u2019\u00e9quipe des Shortis souhaite a tous les participants de la deuxi\u00e8me \u00e9dition de\u00a0 Hockey Beach un merveilleux tournoi, et que la meilleure \u00e9quipe gagne\u00a0! Sauf si cette \u00e9quipe n\u2019est pas les Shortis.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\"shortis1\"<\/a>

The Shortis will live on forever as the first-ever Ocean City champs, just like the first-ever Stanley Cup winners… the, uh, [Googles it] …1873 St. Catherine’s Mustacheroos. Both legends.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n

\n

Translation courtesy of Google Translate.<\/em><\/p>\n

The fourth and latest edition of the franchise Shortis attempt to prolong the tradition of outstanding achievement in the field of excellence, which is from the beginning the only goal of the officially sponsored by Wawa team. After a grandiose coronation at the first Hockey Beach tournament there is already a year the Shortis have traveled around the world in search of worthy opponents their talent and intellect: the picturesque village of Feasterville PA, then, eh, Feasterville PA again, before finally returning to where it all began, in the wonderful resort of Maryland: Ocean City.<\/p>\n

Despite a relatively stable core of personnel changes had to be made over time for various reasons. Irreplaceable Gunnar (injury to the upper body), James Stein (awaiting its third legitimate child, her newborn in total 367th, and continues census) Roman (too enigmatic), the couple Ann & James (they we are not beautiful enough), Sam and Ben (traitors!), MDF (involved in a marriage of convenience) and the former co-captain Rachel (suspended from the team indefinitely for his escapades was outside field) were quickly and easily forgotten, while divas Alexis and Mia, Sky Fighters, and even-more-divas Liam and Will, from Kobra Kai, join the group of champions that are Alexa, Jeff Brady, Olivier, Pete, Caroline, Greg, Tim and the ghost from the grave Dan Hopper, all directed with an iron hand by the captain, Executive Director, President and great eating crabs Julie Katz.<\/p>\n

The team Shortis wish all the participants of the second annual Hockey Beach a wonderful tournament, and may the best team win! Unless that team is not the Shortis.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You wake up with a cigarette butt in your mouth and a Philly Cheese Steak stuck to your stomach. \u00a0Your eyes fight their way open as the sun pours through the windows of an unfamiliar room. \u00a0Wait, not so unfamiliar, this is the Seahawk Motel. It all comes rushing back. \u00a0Holding back your teammate’s hair […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[233],"class_list":["post-13490","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info","tag-ocean-city"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13490"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13490"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13490\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13534,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13490\/revisions\/13534"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13490"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13490"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13490"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}