{"id":14002,"date":"2016-10-19T09:48:57","date_gmt":"2016-10-19T13:48:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=14002"},"modified":"2016-10-19T10:11:21","modified_gmt":"2016-10-19T14:11:21","slug":"three-stars-of-the-quarterfinals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/three-stars-of-the-quarterfinals\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Stars of the Quarterfinals"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Triple racH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear BTSH Readers: I sincerely apologize for the tardiness of this post. But when your 3 Fantasy Football teams go 0-3 (thanks for nothing Big Ben, Hopkins, and the rest of you jabronis) and your \u2018BTSH Team That Isn\u2019t Yours But Was Your Second Choice to Win the PBR Cup Because You\u2019re Team Glanzer the Heroic (did i do it right? idk i\u2019m just fangirl. that\u2019s kewl, right?)\u2019 Team gets knocked out after a heartbreaking playoff shootout against a sub goalie, you need to take some time to yourself before writing something as joyous as the 3 stars. It only took a few nights of crying myself to sleep, but I hung this poster over my bed and I think I\u2019m finally through this dark time:<\/p>\n

\"cena-hey-girl\"<\/a><\/p>\n

THIRD STAR<\/strong>
\nThe Timmies<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"timmies\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Both Tims played killer games this week in their match-up. Both teams had some insane chances, but Timmy and Timmy both goaltended their faces off and kept what could have been a 6-5 game to just a 2-1 nailbiter.<\/p>\n

SECOND STAR<\/strong>
\n Craig’s Crotch<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"crotch-great-again\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Before anyone else does, I\u2019ll just point out that this is the second time I\u2019ve written about Craig\u2019s crotch on the BTSH blog (first being Olympics). That\u2019s an alarming rate given how new I am to writing here, but then I think about how many times Derek and Eli must have written about Craig\u2019s crotch over their many years (PAUSE), and I feel a little better. Craig was a true hero standing up for people everywhere when he snatched Brian \u201cCroveruser of Cro puns\u201d Cronauer\u2019s Make America Great Again hat and rubbed it ALLLLL up in his junk. I guess an honorable mention goes to the wine bottle Cro was nursing over the day, which made him lose enough sense to put that hat RIGHT back on his head. The hat was in Craig\u2019s crotch, and then the hat was on Brian\u2019s head. So, by the transitive property, Cro\u2019s head was in Craig\u2019s crotch. Right, isn\u2019t that how it works? Yeah, I went there.<\/p>\n

FIRST STAR<\/strong>
\nLBS player who ghosted on his game with 5 minutes left<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"lbs-ghost\"<\/a><\/p>\n

According to my sources, the LBS player seen running off the courts with 5 minutes left in his game (when the LBS were only up by 1 goal, even) was actually rushing to the hospital because his wife was in labor. On Sunday, I was the first to say \u201cWait\u2026where is that guy going? Does he know the game didn\u2019t end yet? He must not, because who leaves their playoff game with 5 minutes left?\u201d But I\u2019d like to publicly acknowledge I was wrong. Hero.<\/p>\n

Honorable mention:<\/strong> the v*gina couch. Strong sideline move by whoever brought that.<\/p>\n

Also, whoever made this:<\/p>\n

\"martian-rich\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Triple racH Dear BTSH Readers: I sincerely apologize for the tardiness of this post. But when your 3 Fantasy Football teams go 0-3 (thanks for nothing Big Ben, Hopkins, and the rest of you jabronis) and your \u2018BTSH Team That Isn\u2019t Yours But Was Your Second Choice to Win the PBR Cup Because You\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[315],"class_list":["post-14002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info","tag-three-stars"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14002"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14002"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14013,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14002\/revisions\/14013"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14002"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14002"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}