{"id":151,"date":"2007-09-28T12:08:57","date_gmt":"2007-09-28T17:08:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/2007\/09\/28\/2007-play-off-preview\/"},"modified":"2007-09-28T12:08:57","modified_gmt":"2007-09-28T17:08:57","slug":"2007-play-off-preview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2007-play-off-preview\/","title":{"rendered":"2007 PLAY OFF PREVIEW!"},"content":{"rendered":"

THE WICKED AWESOME PLAY OFF PREVIEW!!!<\/strong>
\n By Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino
\n (aka The Ambiguously Straight Duo)<\/p>\n

As promised, here are capsules for each playoff match-up this Sunday. If you want to voice your own opinion, please email us at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com and\/or derektag [at] gmail [dot] com, and remember to keep it pithy. No bloviating, because that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s our job.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(15) Mexican Standoff vs. (18) Sky Fighters<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: Neither of these two teams had a clear cut starting goalie this season. Mexican Standoff played almost everyone on their roster in goal, while the Sky Fighters used nearly every other BTSH goalie at one point or another. These two teams allowed the most and second most goals this season, so a high scoring game is expected. For the Sky Fighters, their strategy will center around getting Martin the ball and for J.R. Spiegel\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s open fly to distract the Standoff players (thanks, Mulva). For Standoff, the strategy will involve copious amounts of alcohol.
\n * 2007 Result: Week 11 – Mexican Standoff 9, Sky Fighters 0
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Sky Fighters. The coin came up heads.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Mexican Standoff holds Martin to a paltry three goals and wins a tight one, 4-3.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(16) Gouging Anklebiters vs. (17) Cobra Kai<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: The Gouging Anklebiters have never lost to Cobra Kai, winning their three previous meetings by a combined score of 17-1. The normally stoic Charles DeFranco of the Gouging Anklebiters had the following to say about the Cobra Kai roster: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Greg stinks, Ara reeks, Laurie\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s garbage, Ray sucks, Dave can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t play, Morgan smells, Rick is too afraid to show up, Rem is weak, Shannon checks people, Jonathan is clingy, Brian looks like Tim Olson, Mariko plays like a girl, Alexander plays like a girl, Peter is ugly, Mary is non-descript, Jerome is short, Enayet works in retail, Stephen has leprosy, Mike has no spirit, Christina is from New Jersey, Leah also smells, Lucas is always injured, and Stefanie does not get down on the low ones.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n * 2007 Result: Week 11 – Gouging Anklebiters 5, Cobra Kai 0
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. This is not a good matchup for Cobra Kai at all.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Chuck backs up his rant and leads the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcBiters to a resounding victory.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(1) Corlears Hookers vs. Gouging Anklebiters\/Cobra Kai<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: Despite an impressive performance this season, there has recently been dissension among the ranks of the Corlears Hookers. Star forward Brendan \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDutch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Kearney, much to the dismay of his teammates, has received all of the accolades of the fans, the media, and the ladies. Gavin \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDutch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Brother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Kearney lamented, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All of those goals he scored? I set him up with gorgeous pinpoint passes…but, does he thank me? Nooooo!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Albert \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAl\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Huang added, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153His head has just gotten too big. He is not a team player anymore.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Whether the winner of the Gouging Anklebiters\/Cobra Kai game can capitalize on this inner turmoil remains to be seen.
\n * 2007 Result: Week 1 – Corlears Hookers 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2; Week 7 – Corlears Hookers 6, Cobra Kai 0
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Corlears Hookers. The \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcBiters have the potential for the upset, though.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Dutch Fever continues and the Hookers cruise to a win.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(2) Unicorns vs. Mexican Standoff\/Sky Fighters<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: Despite missing Hector \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc$howT!m3′ Melendez for three games when he crashed through the metal fence and onto the FDR Drive, the Unicorns secured the second seed on the final weekend of the regular season. With a solid defense in front of him, Craig \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcUg\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Lacombe finished the season tied for fewest goals allowed, while the offense was led by the fleet trio of Chris Eng, $howT!m3, and Alex \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcVillano VI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Zabala. Of course, Dale from the Sky Fighters won the arm wrestling contest, so take that, Ted!
\n * 2007 Result: Week 14 – Unicorns 7, Mexican Standoff 4; Week 9 – Unicorns 5, Sky Fighters 1
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Unicorns. They were upset in the first round last year, but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to happen again.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Ug plays another stellar game for the Unicorns, then forces everyone to hear about it at the Johnson\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s later on.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(3) Dark Rainbows vs. (14) Mighty Squirrels<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: How many Dark Rainbows can you name? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one, right…Jesus, everyone gets that one. There are actually twenty other players on their roster, but the Mighty Squirrels are too drunk to notice. The Squirrels have mastered the art of losing close games, and also boast the best cheerleader in the league, Jason \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCheek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Cheek (like this: points to cheek). When reached for comment on the Dark Rainbows\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 chances this weekend, Andrea \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcVegetable Lasagna\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Schloeder shrewdly replied, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n * 2007 Result: Week 14 – Dark Rainbows 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They flew under the radar, and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how they like it.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: The Squirrels manage to keep Scrappy as far away from the goal as possible, but still lose.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(4) What the Puck vs. (13) Tuques <\/strong>
\nSynopsis: CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! Cue laughter from Rod. Larry looks on in silence. Just another day for What The Puck as they look to repeat as BTSH champions. Oh, and the Tuques have Minkus, so they have that going for them.
\n * 2007 Result: Week 2 – What The Puck 5, Tuques 1
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: What The Puck. Too much offense, too many Canadians.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Rod plays out of his mind but loses the shutout with 2 minutes to go. WTP takes it, 5-1.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(5) Denim Demons vs. (12) Bad Touch<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: These teams were two of the most improved during the 2007 season. The Denim Demons are led by the iron-fisted captaining of Adam \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThe Legend Killer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Rubens and the comedic antics of \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcHacksaw\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Jim Dandeneau, although the scoring trio of Micael Holmstr\u00c3\u00b6m, Zack Tinkelman, and Jeff Kamen contributed to their success as well. The Bad Touch is led by Coop, the meanest gunslinger in the West. Like Billy the Kid and Jesse James, Coop and his posse of Bad Touchers have stolen several victories from unsuspecting citizens. Can The Legend Killer corral these bandits?
\n * 2007 Result: Week 14 – Denim Demons 5, Bad Touch 1
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Bad Touch. They wear their alternate red jerseys and totally confuse the Demons.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Demons. This pick saddens me.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(6) Pork Fried Rice vs. (11) Mathematics<\/strong>
\nSynopsis: These two teams finished first and second in the 2006 regular season standings, but attendance issues, old age, and marital bliss contributed to both teams suffering down seasons. Pork Fried Rice, when all their players show up, are one of the most dangerous teams in the league. However, captain Ant \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcFather Time\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Ventolieri is day-to-day with a strained white beard. For the Mathematics, Andy and Sarah Pratt return from their honeymoon, much to the delight of backup goaltender Derek Tagliarino, who trembles in fear at urban street rapper Brian \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcGrandmaster B\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Barrett\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shot.
\n * 2007 Result: Week 4 – Mathematics 5, Pork Fried Rice 0
\n * Bob W.’s Pick: PFR shows up with three guys and one gal, ties the game with a minute in regulation and wins in a shoot out.
\n * Schuie’s Pick: PFR-3 MATH-2.
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(7) Fresh Kills vs. (10) LBS <\/strong>
\nSynopsis: After losing seven of their first ten games, LBS rebounded with a five game winning streak that included wins against What The Puck and the Denim Demons. They are led by Ken \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThe Alpha Male\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Poulin, who finished the season with 102 goals, breaking the previous record of 97, which was set by Ellery \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThe Nature Boy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Gillette of the Denim Demons during the 2003 season. However, all records from that season are in the name of Gillette, who just so happened to be in charge of league statistics. Fresh Kills intends to counter Poulin with the defensive prowess of Jeff Lesser, although his turbo mode will only be available for one shift during the game, so choose wisely.
\n * 2007 Result: Week 17 – Fresh Kills 3, LBS 2 (OT)
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Fresh Kills. They beat LBS last week, so the assumption is that they will do it again.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: LBS. The Alpha Male sets a playoff record with 10 goals (beating out Ellery from 2003).
\n– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
\n(8) Rehabs vs. (9) Filthy Gorgeous <\/strong>
\nSynopsis: The Rehabs are another team that underachieved this season, as their chronic attendance problems shockingly reappeared each week. Despite these issues, the Rehabs still boast one of the top duos in the league in \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCon Ed\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Lau and Jon Feldman. Although they lost some of their key players from 2006 to the two new teams, Filthy Gorgeous managed to finish in ninth place for the second straight season. They feature one of the best solo acts in the league in Paul \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAshy Larry\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Vernon, who has vowed to bring his team \u00e2\u20ac\u0153from ashy to classy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n * 2007 Result: Week 17 – Rehabs 2, Filthy Gorgeous 1
\n * Eli\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: Rehabs. This low seed can make a run at the championship.
\n * Derek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Pick: The Con Ed\/Feldman line lights it up, sending Filthy back to the projects.
\n———————————————————————-<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

THE WICKED AWESOME PLAY OFF PREVIEW!!! By Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino (aka The Ambiguously Straight Duo) As promised, here are capsules for each playoff match-up this Sunday. If you want to voice your own opinion, please email us at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com and\/or derektag [at] gmail [dot] com, and remember to keep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weekly-reports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=151"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}