{"id":15381,"date":"2017-08-25T08:56:51","date_gmt":"2017-08-25T12:56:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=15381"},"modified":"2017-08-25T09:21:11","modified_gmt":"2017-08-25T13:21:11","slug":"hockey-beach-2017-team-previews-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/hockey-beach-2017-team-previews-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Hockey Beach 2017 Team Previews – Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

BTSHers are making their way down to Ocean City in waves and this year there are a record 9 teams registered.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get to know those teams by diving into those Team Previews.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Part 2.\u00a0 Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Twin Dekes<\/strong>
\nby Justin M<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

After\u00a0a long awaited foresight into David Lynch’s return to the main screen, Twin Dekes is on Season 3 – just like it’s counterpart of the TV Series. However, just like the Lynchian exploration, the majority consumers have become bored and tiresome of the gig. This falls perfectly in the spectrum in which Twin Dekes strives upon.\u00a0 Don’t sleep on these damn fine hockey players – they like their damn fine coffee just how they like their dualing peni.<\/p>\n

Cecial Harambe<\/strong>
\nby Richiepoothang<\/em><\/p>\n

Cecil\u00a0and Harambe died for our sins. So we play for them.<\/p>\n

Except\u00a0not many of us are actually playing for them… because much like our heroes, our enemies have smited us. \u00a0Hicks, Barch and Tom have all\u00a0fallen to the stupid idiot kid who shot Harambe, and the evil dentist who had Cecil killed. \u00a0Our\u00a0women are like Xena. Warrior Princesses who tried to get poached by JW. But Walker needs to learn about HLR. Hustle. Loyalty. Respect.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Cecil greets Harambe in Animal Heaven by trying to send him to Animal Hell.<\/p><\/div>\n

You\u00a0tried to poach them last year, you tried to poach them this year you’ll try to poach them next year. But like Queen Nabatz said, it didn’t work last year, it didn’t work this year and it will never work.<\/p>\n

We\u00a0may have suffered a lot of blows…but the one thing you will get from us is max effort on the courts…and the desire to kill Sam N in go-karts. Or anywhere else. We want him dead.<\/p>\n

Against All Odds… we will bring home championship gold.<\/p>\n

Lets\u00a0go Mets, Lets go America, and LETS GO CECIL HARAMBE!!!<\/p>\n

And when we win… we will all travel back to NY and PILE ON BARCH!!!<\/p>\n

Hockey Balboa<\/strong>
\nby Dana<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s\u00a0a mix of people who have never played or are new to hockey (hi Naji and Lindsey!) and people who came out of the womb playing (MDF and Cherie). It\u2019s a team of contrasts, some of us are really, really strong hockey players (Rachel) and some of us are really, really good at jokes (Art).\u00a0 Some of us are preparing by making extensive packing lists (Scott is bringing a few \u201cmodest\u201d shirts you guys, for when you just need to bring things down a notch\u2026), some of us are drinking all the PBR in New York and then going to drink all the PBR in O.C. (Brady. He\u2019s ready you guys. Mind\u00a0and<\/i>\u00a0body, it\u2019s all about mind\u00a0and<\/i>\u00a0body).\u00a0 We are all preparing for wardrobe malfunctions \u2013 Alex FD considers these part of his game \u2013 \u201cit\u2019s all about the intimidation factor, he says. You want your opponent saying, \u2018wait, is that guy wearing a small dog\u2019s chewed up tank top?\u2019 Yes, yes, I am.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Morning sunshine.<\/p><\/div>\n

Jesus Penus<\/strong><\/p>\n

First\u00a0there was Shawarma, then there was Kum, now…..there is Penus. No, this isn’t some weird porn that Rich Glanzer would watch…it’s our team.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Jesus Penus<\/p><\/div>\n

Behold\u00a0this crew of lime tossin’, ukulele playin’, go kart racin’, ice cream eatin’, kazoo blowin’, +\/- countin’, Tito’s drinkin’ gals and guys.<\/p>\n

Behold\u00a0the penus. Rising…….umm, like a phoenix. And shooting………umm, fire, like a dragon.<\/p>\n

Jesus\u00a0Penus. Dear Father, Son, and the holy let’s play toast.<\/p>\n

Sea Section<\/strong>
\nby Drew Peacock<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Born\u00a0from blood and scalpels, the Sea Sections arrive at Ocean City with only one thing on their minds: getting drunk on the beach.\u00a0 Sure there\u2019s hockey, Seacrets, and the water park, but to this crew of mostly Anklebiters with an accent of Gut Rot and a Rehabs goaltender, the mission is clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanna make sure I wake up still an anal virgin,\u201d said captain Probie of the Anklebiters. \u201cOr at least someone bought me a few drinks first.\u201d<\/p>\n

Proud\u00a0owners of a collective six gold medals at the BTSH Olympics, this squad boasts some high profile professional drinkers who are glad to have a\u00a0noon<\/span>\u00a0(latest slot) start time on their first game \u2013 courtesy of tournament organizer and team member Worky McParty.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u00a0plan to be face down in a pool of my own urine until\u00a011:53<\/span>,\u201d said McParty. \u201cHey, decision is in your hands, what would you do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Still,\u00a0the Sea Sections are ready for the sport courts and vow to demonstrate discipline in preparation for their tournament run.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u00a0may have a few crab bloodies before we play,\u201d said Caroline of the Anklebiters.\u00a0 \u201cBut we now have a strict no pre-game blow policy this year.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BTSHers are making their way down to Ocean City in waves and this year there are a record 9 teams registered.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get to know those teams by diving into those Team Previews.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Part 2.\u00a0 Enjoy! Twin Dekes by Justin M After\u00a0a long awaited foresight into David Lynch’s return to the main screen, Twin […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[345],"class_list":["post-15381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info","tag-hockey-beach"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15381"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15381"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15381\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15400,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15381\/revisions\/15400"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}