{"id":15832,"date":"2017-10-20T08:49:48","date_gmt":"2017-10-20T12:49:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=15832"},"modified":"2017-10-20T13:12:49","modified_gmt":"2017-10-20T17:12:49","slug":"2017-quarterfinals-previews","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2017-quarterfinals-previews\/","title":{"rendered":"2017 Quarterfinals Previews"},"content":{"rendered":"

11. Fuzz at 2. Rehabs<\/strong>
\nby Isaac<\/em><\/p>\n

FUZZ Opening Narrative:\u00a0<\/strong>After a disappointing start to the season, the Fuzz have found their grove again and are arguably the best team in BTSH right now.<\/p>\n

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Richie in his natural environment: One hand on a shaft with balls smacking his forearm.<\/p><\/div>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win:\u00a0<\/strong>Jeff.\u00a0 Period.\u00a0 We could stop right here and move on, but for those of you that haven\u2019t witnessed his game over the past 2-3 months this is for you.\u00a0 He\u2019s operating on a level above anyone in the league right now.\u00a0 As soon as he scores, or sets up the opening goal, he drops back into his new office \u2013 mid rink.\u00a0 Against the Gremlins he gobbled up everything that came near the middle and fed it right back to his forwards.\u00a0 Nobody is playing with more determination and focus then him right now.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose:\u00a0<\/strong>Yeah, there is an argument to be made that they have leapfrogged Fresh Kills as the new playoff favorite, but we can\u2019t get past the elephant in the room \u2013 Fuzz\u2019s history.\u00a0 And not just against the Rehabs (which isn\u2019t great), but last year they got this far and ran into a brick wall.\u00a0 <\/strong>Plus Jeff can\u2019t play the whole game and Rich has to eventually sneak on for a couple of shifts.<\/p>\n

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If Joey shows up for the game then all bets are off.<\/p><\/div>\n

REHABS Opening Narrative:\u00a0<\/strong>Have you heard?\u00a0 <\/strong>They are the defending champs.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win:\u00a0<\/strong>They have the talent and depth to beat you multiple different ways.\u00a0 The offensive onslaught of Alex, Cherie, Kyle and sometimes Showtime are enough to put any team in this league on their heels.\u00a0 But add in Sena, who isn\u2019t just one dimensional as a defense-person, but also a formidable forward, plus Amber who\u2019s a puck moving defense-person with a lethal shot from any angle \u2013 and this team just scares the hell out of you.\u00a0 And we haven\u2019t even mentioned Eric in net.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose:\u00a0<\/strong>This is a different Fuzz team than the one they faced during the regular season.\u00a0 We\u2019ve seen the Rehabs overcome adversity before, but they\u2019ve never faced anything like this.\u00a0 If the Fuzz can get an early 2 goal lead then, well, see above for details.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em>\u00a0An instant classic that goes to OT with the Fuzz moving on 4-3.<\/p>\n

12. Mathematics at 1. Fresh Kills<\/b>
\nby Sultan<\/em><\/p>\n

MATH Opening Narrative: <\/b>Math finished 8-10 and actually had a shot to move up to the Soko (or whatever the top division is called) Division. While two games under .500 doesn’t seem great, think about all the players they lost. Cherie and her brother James (who prob was the 2nd best player in the league next to Gabe), Amber, Batista, Roxy, Steph, Derk, Nathan, am I missing anyone? Probably. Then they knock off Cobra Kai?!?!? I hate Sam Norris as much as the next guy, but this team is a T-E-A-M, TEAM.<\/p>\n

Respect.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win: <\/b>Dave rushes back from Philly, and makes the game. He has his A-Game. As I found out the best way, when Dave won Cecil(e) and Harmabe a World Championship in OC, he is one of the best in BTSH. He can shut down anyone. But more than that, Math needs to play short shifts and hustle back on D. Yes FK skill is going to cause openings, but if you limit them and clear all rebounds, they have a punchers shot.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose: <\/b>Fresh Kills is a thousand times better than them for starters. Also, other dimwits like Walker would say, “He Sultan, Math finished 8-7-3, not 8-10 dummy.” No you stupid idiot, losses are losses and clearly Math sucks in OT and shootouts. So they will need to win in regulation, which they won’t because FK has literally no bad players. Just bad people. (Like that kid Andrew….no offense.)<\/p>\n

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Ariel is to Fresh Kills what Marcelo is to Real Madrid.<\/p><\/div>\n

FRESH KILLS Opening Narrative:\u00a0<\/b>They were one win away from perfection. James P. shootout goal will forever haunt this franchise if they win the championship. And every three years they do. 2008, 2011*, 2014, 2017???? (Soko knows why 2011 comes with an asterisk. I’m too classy to publicly say it. But it involves the Elves two best players not showing up for our semi-final game. Hmmm…I guess I wasn’t too classy.)<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win:<\/b> The team doesn’t panic. They could be down 2 or 3 goals and they’d have the same demeanor. They also arguably have 4 of the top guys in the league in Gabe, Ariel, Frank and Tom. But the key thing is they literally have no weaknesses. There is not one player you can exploit. All their girls are solid, and their non-superstar guys are as steady as they come.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose:\u00a0<\/b>Apparently Gabe is not good at squatting or deadlifting. Can Sheena deadlift more than you Gabe? I hope not, that would be shameful. Not because she’s a girl, just because it’s Sheena. Oh right, that has nothing to do with them losing. But I have to kill space since I literally cannot think of one reason why they will lose.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/i>\u00a0Cindrella dies an ugly death. It’s 3-0 10 minutes in and FK coasts to a pedestrian 6-1 victory. Ehhhh make it 5-1. \u00a0Also, their game takes a lot shorter time than the Fuzz\/Rehabs game and their whole team is watching the end of that game.<\/p>\n

7. Poutine Machine at 4. Filthier<\/strong>
\nby JW<\/em><\/p>\n

POUTINE MACHINE Opening Narrative:\u00a0\u00a0<\/b>Poutine won their division this year, and upset the Butchers last week in the Round of 16.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win:\u00a0<\/b>Steadfast defense, and playing smart as a team. Also, Suvin and Dennis will not be present for Filthier.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Charlotte\u2019s broken foot.\u00a0 Ann cherry picking for Filthier.\u00a0 James P., period.<\/p>\n

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James plays likes greased up with Vaseline to slip through any tough situation.<\/p><\/div>\n

FILTHIER Opening Narrative:\u00a0\u00a0<\/b>Filthier move the puck better than possibly any other team in the league. They have suffered some devastating personnel loses this season, but that doesn\u2019t seem to be slowing them down.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Win:\u00a0<\/b>Charlotte\u2019s broken foot.\u00a0 Ann cherry picking in front.\u00a0 Tim K., period.<\/p>\n

Why They\u2019ll Lose:\u00a0<\/b>\u00a0Tim K. forgets he isn\u2019t playing a game for the Shortis, and thus is just chilling out next to the net watching old episodes of Perfect Strangers on his phone and not even paying attention to the game.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/i>\u00a0In the biggest upset of the playoffs thus far, Poutine pulls this one out in OT, 4-3. Jerome gets the goal.<\/p>\n

You heard it here first.<\/p>\n

8. LBS, Inc.\u00a0(2017: 11-5-0-2, 24 pts.) at 3. Corlears Hookers (2017: 13-4-1, 27 pts.)<\/strong>
\nby Jerome<\/em><\/p>\n

Preamble<\/em>
\nThese teams are literally toe-to-toe at one another if looking at a general postseason record: each team has won it all once and fallen short twice in the Tompkins era. Even their 2017 season record cannot adequately paint a picture of how sh*t hits the fan when playoffs arrive because, literally very few<\/a> have attempted doing so.<\/p>\n

Why LBS., Inc.?<\/em><\/strong>
\nLos blancos<\/em> have the cojones<\/em> to start and end games with the same kind of heart, moxy, and now muscle (I\u2019m looking at you, dude in the Blink-182 shirt). Something about a group of white shirts rushing at you is akin to having someone suffocate you with a white towel (of chloroform)\u2026 yes, their press is quite strong. Their players have shown speed (Dustin, even Lizzie B.), stickhandling (Arya, Luke), and veteran presence (Ali, Tommy, Karsten, and Sascha), elements of an all-around team. I have a feeling they won\u2019t crumble under duress as much as their opposition will, but their top priority is to protect their goalie, who isn\u2019t physically very big. Despite a 3-1 loss to them in W8, and a close encounter with Puck in the sweet sixteen, they\u2019ll take an asymptotic route to breaching rule 1\u2014but never doing it\u2014which we\u2019ll appreciate, for sure. My own experience playing this team? Yes, they can be physical, but they\u2019re certainly smart about it.<\/p>\n

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Tiffany and Danilo are the reasons why for the Hookers.<\/p><\/div>\n

Why the Hookers?<\/em><\/strong>
\nTheir internal rebranding\u2014mostly Cro\u2019s doing\u2014leads us to think they bang to the beat of their own drum, and they don\u2019t mind all the criticism. A handful of members having left the Dark Rainbows much to Tia shrugging it off, their mentality is of a \u201cno wins, no party\u201d kind. Fortunately for them, emerging third in the league\u2019s season record meant they could drink as much as they want after games. But why should Putka\u2019s progeny prosper? Excellent goaltending (T-4th<\/sup> goals against, season), a postseason Cro brace, as well as female (Tiffany, Sarah, Noelle) and male depth (Bill, Danilo) all account for team success so far. But with such a close call for the #3 seed from a nail-biter with the Anklebiters last Sunday, a little bit of hockey god conjuring might be necessary. My own experience playing this team? They\u2019re quite physical, and they\u2019ll play to the whistle, which will be the key.<\/p>\n

The prediction<\/em>
\nAssuming the refs are on top of the game, Dustin will sink a couple past Longwell. Cro and Tiffany will get one each and force extra time, where Longwell, much to the consternation of the Heckle Wall\u2122, stands on his head and poke checks the third and final LBS\u2019 shooter, ensuring him a ticket to the semis. Advantage to the Hookers, 3-2.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

11. Fuzz at 2. Rehabs by Isaac FUZZ Opening Narrative:\u00a0After a disappointing start to the season, the Fuzz have found their grove again and are arguably the best team in BTSH right now. Why They\u2019ll Win:\u00a0Jeff.\u00a0 Period.\u00a0 We could stop right here and move on, but for those of you that haven\u2019t witnessed his game […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15832"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15832"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15832\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15848,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15832\/revisions\/15848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}