{"id":17062,"date":"2018-03-16T09:31:18","date_gmt":"2018-03-16T13:31:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=17062"},"modified":"2018-03-23T15:07:46","modified_gmt":"2018-03-23T19:07:46","slug":"2018-soko-division-preview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2018-soko-division-preview\/","title":{"rendered":"2018 Soko Division Preview"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Rachel G and Richie G<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

RG 1 and RG 2 are the most unlikely of writing pairs, mainly because one likes wrestling and the other likes proper grammar.<\/p>\n

(Glanzer) Before we go on are you sure proper isn\u2019t spelled propper? It seems like it should have two consecutive p\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Fresh Kills\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): In the mess that is (in the words of RG 2) poaching season, I feel like we all quietly overlook Soko\u2019s ruthless masterminding of the original mega-team. Ok, maybe that\u2019s the problem: it\u2019s not ruthless. He typically finds great players from outside the league. They are so goddamn nice, too. I hate how much I like them.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

2017 PBR Cup Champs<\/p><\/div>\n

RG 2 (Glanzer): Wait. How on Earth am I RG 2? I\u2019m the original RG since I\u2019m older than you. I\u2019m not doing anything else until this is settled.<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): We can switch sides at halftime, happy now?<\/p>\n

Future RG 1 (Glanzer): Yes.<\/p>\n

OK, so I love the Fresh Kills boys. Not in how like a priest loves an alter-boy, but Ariel is one of my favorite teammates ever. Soko and that guy who speaks broken English Gabe are good people too. Barch likes Gaslight Anthem and getting piled on. They are actually really good people.<\/p>\n

As for hockey, four is enough. I hope someone else wins it this year. But they clearly are the team to beat.<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): For once, the lesser RG and I agree on something. I\u2019ve had enough of them winning. Go back to Canada or wherever Olympic Athletes from Russia come from. But I\u2019d also like to point out how sexist current RG 2 is. Where is the love for those Fresh Kills ladies, Roxy, Sheena, Natasha?!?<\/p>\n

RG (reluctantly 2): I didn\u2019t say they weren\u2019t good at hockey. I just insinuated I didn\u2019t like them. I mean is Sheena likeable? C\u2019mon. Plus she jumped on me when I was down in OC. Anyways, on to the Lbs.!<\/p>\n

LBS, Inc.<\/strong><\/p>\n

RG 1 (Glanzer): Elizabeth. If I don\u2019t mention her I\u2019m in trouble. As for the rest, they can kill Baby Hitler. In other words, they can stop the inevitable Rehabs\/FK finals. Next to FK, they have the best guys in the league. Their girls are solid, but not like the Rehabs. And their goalie is drunk, but he stops a lot of balls, so that\u2019s all that matters.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Nobody puts Liz in a corner.<\/p><\/div>\n

RG 2 (Greene): Ugh, I love all of these guys too! My hockey godson, my steak-dinner-lady-date, my Scotty K (BTSH: give this kid a chance, he\u2019ll burrow his way into your heart and never leave), my Sashas! A few years back they were the team that was too good and everyone was annoyed by them. I\u2019m not sure exactly what happened, but they got knocked down a peg or two, and now seem to be underdog darlings of top division. I so desperately don\u2019t want to be in this stupid Soko division, but I wouldn\u2019t mind reliving that time Rosie went to the Lbs retreat the night before they played the Butchers, and they drugged him with bee-sting medicine and then he scored on them anyway. Just sayin\u2019.<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Glanzer) I do enjoy Scotty and the Lesbians. Best band ever. BTW, how much has that curly haired guy fallen? A Lbs. preview and we don\u2019t even mention his name? Didn\u2019t he share your HOF class? For shame RG 1. For Shame!!<\/p>\n

Filthier<\/strong><\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): Ok, so I reached out to our media correspondent in the field, ex-Filthy Dana K, for an update on the James and Suvin split. BTSH rumors tell us Suvin moved out of NYC and quit BTSH. But Dana has the inside scoop on whispered promises for opening day meet-up:<\/p>\n

Act I<\/p>\n

Back in San Francisco: Suvin is rushing to catch a plane, and he almost almost misses it, but since he’s flying first class and explains to the stewardess that someone’s waiting for him in NYC they let him board.<\/em><\/p>\n

Act II<\/p>\n

NY: James is stalling the game for him, taping his stick, checking his hair\u2026 Because it’s James, no one cares that the game starts late.<\/em><\/p>\n

Act III<\/p>\n

Somewhere over the Midwest: Suvin’s on the plane and the flight attendant is saying it’s going to be delayed. So he goes up into the cockpit and gives them some tips on how to fly faster.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Spoiler Warning: Suvin doesn’t make it and James is left checking his hair.<\/p><\/div>\n

Do you want to know how this ends (probably not)? Will they meet on the observation deck of the Empire State Building? Show up on Opening Day and find out! Or you can just watch Sleepless in Seattle on Netflix.<\/p>\n

RG 2 (Glanzer): This is a terrible, but true story. I\u2019m flying to Vegas and I can\u2019t friggin find the bathroom. Like it\u2019s not where it normally is on the plane. Of course it was where it was normally and everyone in business class is laughing at me. I turnaround and Suvin is laughing at me. We prob should mention something about how they are good at hockey but not as good as FK or the Rehabs. Probably bc Tim K. is overrated. Also, Ann M. needs to stop texting me when the Isles beat the Rangers!<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): Usually as soon as you start any sentence with \u201cOne time in Vegas\u2026\u201d one can assume that everything following it is utter nonsense. But I love that this story is true. Maybe I just love stories about Suvin laughing at RG 2 at 39,000 feet in the air? Also, stop it Ann! It\u2019s been a tough season.<\/p>\n

Rehabs<\/strong><\/p>\n

RG 1 (Glanzer): Hey look! I\u2019m RG 1! I winnnnn!!!!!!! Three straight times in the finals. Did they win last year? If only there was someway to remember if they won or lost!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Hicks is taking his talents to the Rehabs this season.<\/p><\/div>\n

RG 1 (Glanzer): With Amber leaving the Fuzz hawk that looks like a pigeon is going to be very happy, since I\u2019ve never seen anyone with so many high-balls. But since no team has repeated as champions since before the Modern Era (2008-2015) I think they are the team to beat instead of FK.<\/p>\n

RG 2 (Greene): I can\u2019t say I understand much of what was written above. But I\u2019m gonna try something here: #ByebyeKirkham #HelloHicks #Showtime4lyfe<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Glanzer): I\u2019ll get behind the #$h0wT!m34Lyfe hashtag. And I\u2019ll say this about Hicks. If he was on his deathbed I guarantee Russell Westbrook, Sam Presti and myself would come check on him. But the next player on Fuzz will be given #5. (RG 2 can\u2019t understand much of what was written below her last statement either.)<\/p>\n

Butchers<\/strong><\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): Ughhh.. I don\u2019t want to be here. Anyone want to trade so we can go back to the second or third division?<\/p>\n

RG 2 (Glanzer): Why am I back to being RG 2?<\/p>\n

RG 1 (Greene): Because I win. Speaking of winning: Butchers! Go Meat!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Lady Butchers<\/p><\/div>\n

RG 2 (Glanzer): Oh man…I\u2019m not sure winning and Butchers are going to go hand in hand. In fact I will make a bold prediction. When you beat Fuzz this season, I\u2019m going to rub it in and laugh in your face. Because had you stayed in the 2nd, you could have beaten us twice, Math twice, the Anklebiters once and the Hookers once (I assume the Anklebiters and Hookers would beat you once. Not Math, they suck). Instead you get to play FK, Lbs. Filthier and the Rehabs twice. Also, do I get the last word? If so\u2026 RG 1!!!!<\/p>\n

RG1(Greene): No, Glanzer, you do not get the last word on the Butchers. You know who does get the last word? Butcher babies! We have two Butcher(biter) babies arriving at the start of the season. Please warmly greet Baby Creamy and Baby Kravis, as well as the butcher baby millenials that joined the squad. But sadly, last season we had to say goodbye to MDF\u2019s beloved. #RIPRIGHTIE.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Rachel G and Richie G RG 1 and RG 2 are the most unlikely of writing pairs, mainly because one likes wrestling and the other likes proper grammar. (Glanzer) Before we go on are you sure proper isn\u2019t spelled propper? It seems like it should have two consecutive p\u2019s. Fresh Kills\u00a0 RG 1 (Greene): […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17062"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17062"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17062\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17244,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17062\/revisions\/17244"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}