{"id":17226,"date":"2018-03-23T09:01:36","date_gmt":"2018-03-23T13:01:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=17226"},"modified":"2018-03-23T15:06:28","modified_gmt":"2018-03-23T19:06:28","slug":"2018-caroline-division-preview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/2018-caroline-division-preview\/","title":{"rendered":"2018 Caroline Division Preview"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Hornswoggle<\/em><\/p>\n

Fuzz<\/strong>\u00a0(Midnight blue\/electric lime)<\/p>\n

2017: Last in the Soko Division; 9-7-2, 20pts, +3 goal differential; lost to Rehabs in the quarterfinals<\/p>\n

The squad that was once, a long, long time ago, the brainchild of league legend Ben \u201cChadtrick\u201d has been\u2014for at least one full season\u2014under the dictatorship of the full kit wanker Richie G. The former half of 2017 didn\u2019t show great promise (3-5-0-1 in the front 9) but things stabilized, we suspect, when Jeff and Alexa finally tied the knot. Although having\u00a0<\/a>given the Gremlins a 6-0 drubbing in the Round of 16, the luck of the draw as the #11 seed didn\u2019t prove advantageous, because they pulled the Rehabs for the quarterfinal game, gently crashing and burning to a 1-0 loss.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

steM. New York City’s new number 2 baseball team.<\/p><\/div>\n

With new co-commissioner \/\u201cpharaoh\u201d Brian H. reuniting with Ramy on the Rehabs to make a steadfast Wolverine partnership, it potentially leaves Rich as the \u201cstrongest\u201d person on the team. Gil reaching Yoda-age levels may be an issue as the season progresses, but he\u2019s like a fine wine\u2026 please make sure not to lock him in a cellar, Rich.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/strong><\/em> 2nd\u00a0in the division, and they end their postseason in the quarterfinals.<\/p>\n

Mathematics\u00a0<\/strong>(Heather grey\/off-white)<\/p>\n

2017: 2nd\u00a0in the CMB Division; 8-7-3, 19pts, -6 goal differential; lost to Fresh Kills in the quarterfinals<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

It takes a balanced diet to keep up with the likes of Math.<\/p><\/div>\n

For the second time in four seasons, we can probably write unambiguously that \u201cMath got screwed\u201d, but not by bad bounces or refereeing, but by the luck of the draw. Although having had a decent season in the top half of the league\u2014having faced the likes of the Sky Fighters (twice) and LBS, Inc.\u2014they placed #12, with the potential of taking the highest seeds for their postseason campaign. They eventually drew and succumbed to league champions Fresh Kills in a 4-3 nailbiter that probably could have given any of the older Fresh Killers cardiac arrests due to high demand of running and medium-rare steak diets\u2026 if the results were reversed.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/strong><\/em> 3rd\u00a0in the division, and they \u201cget screwed\u201d once again in the quarterfinals.<\/p>\n

Note: Potentially we could see the same kind of gameplay in 2018, having heard no rumors about new acquisitions or departures. If Adam, James and the majority of the Norri clan can give it a full season, they can certainly pull upsets in the latter half of the season and even into the postseason.<\/p>\n

Sky Fighters<\/strong>\u00a0(Federal blue\/white)<\/p>\n

2017: 3rd\u00a0in the CMB Division; 9-9, 18pts, -6 goal differential; lost to Filthier in the Round of 16<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Individuals don’t make a team strong – the team does.<\/p><\/div>\n

Despite literally having an average season, the squad yielded the best individual goal-scorer in the league in Mike T. His second-to-none performance in 2017 didn\u2019t justify staying with the team after the postseason results, so he\u2019s actually on his way to Fuzz in an attempt to outmuscle the league\u2019s notorious Crossfitter. Additionally, I heard through the grapevine that the bearded, bandy-legged French-Canadian, Olivier, has transferred to Cobra Kai, exacerbating the current Sky Fighters\u2019 current situation. However, league vet Caroline W. reassured us that she actively participated in the FA scrimmage and likely plucked a couple of potential replacements. We\u2019ll be focusing on Greg, Mia, and beer connoisseur Bob W. to be the fulcrums of the squad\u2019s success.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/strong><\/em> 4th\u00a0in the division, and tragically lose in the Round of 16.<\/p>\n

Gouging Anklebiters<\/strong>\u00a0(Oxford blue\/ochre)<\/p>\n

2017: 4th\u00a0in the CMB Division; 7-8-3, 17pts, -15 goal differential; lost to Corlears Hookers in the Round of 16<\/p>\n

This squad may as well be Gut Rot in a higher division, namely because everyone has adopted a much chiller, lax side to the gameplay than their division rivals. One of the most peculiar moments to the 2017 season was seeing Probie deked out by who appeared be a complete novice, and then smiling immediately afterwards (and namely, not chasing in frustration). The positive vibes gave them a decent record though not enough to get out of the play-in game, which wasn\u2019t a breeze, as it was a 3-2 win over Mega Touch. But the real test was their Round of 16 match against the Hookers, whom they took into overtime to settle. They lost, but still partied hard \u00e0 la Ellery postgame.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Don’t sleep on the Biters this year.<\/p><\/div>\n

Our editor-in-chief received word that the Anklebiters drafted a player who singlehandedly can make it a dark horse team. Combined with the veteran leadership from Joe P., Alex D., and Craig, as well as good coaching from the retired Schuie, the dark horse can shake things up late in the season.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/strong><\/em> last in the division, and fall in the quarterfinals.<\/p>\n

Corlears Hookers\u00a0<\/strong>(Northwestern purple\/gold [foil])<\/p>\n

2017: 1st\u00a0in the Katz Division; 13-4-1, 27pts, +30 goal differential; lost to LBS, Inc. in the quarterfinals<\/p>\n

From the start of 2017, the campaign has been largely a \u201cCro-peration\u201d of sorts, propelling the team to results akin to the days of Putka and Beauvois. Yes, if you\u2019re asking me what\/who contributed to the success of this club, I would say that Cro, with his on- and off-court trolling\u2014including celebrations that involve dabbing\u2014encouraged the Hookers\u2019 overall gameplay to be, erm\u2026 penetrating (physically and mentally?). A +30 goal differential does mean stellar defense (Bill, Danilo) and goaltending (Longwell), but it also means good leadership and accountability. Despite getting shell-shocked by LBS, Inc. in the quarterfinals, this team was one of the few that never experienced consecutive losses in 2017.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Try to keep the celebrating to an acceptable BTSH level.<\/p><\/div>\n

The overall season results and the postseason upset should be motivation to succeed in the CMB Division. Should they keep consistent attendance and the same kind of roster, we would almost expect them to win the division. Let\u2019s hope Cro doesn\u2019t over-celebrate or over-dab!<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/strong> <\/em>Division winners, but bow out in the semifinals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Hornswoggle Fuzz\u00a0(Midnight blue\/electric lime) 2017: Last in the Soko Division; 9-7-2, 20pts, +3 goal differential; lost to Rehabs in the quarterfinals The squad that was once, a long, long time ago, the brainchild of league legend Ben \u201cChadtrick\u201d has been\u2014for at least one full season\u2014under the dictatorship of the full kit wanker Richie G. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17226"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17226"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17226\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17243,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17226\/revisions\/17243"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}