{"id":17920,"date":"2018-04-27T09:23:24","date_gmt":"2018-04-27T13:23:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=17920"},"modified":"2018-04-27T13:22:37","modified_gmt":"2018-04-27T17:22:37","slug":"week-5-previews-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-5-previews-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 5 Previews – Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Gouging Anklebiters at Mathematics<\/strong>
\nby Izzy<\/em><\/p>\n

It is possible that Sarah and the Biters may have peaked too early this year. \u00a0After starting off the season by lighting the lamp on fire with 19 goals scored and only allowing a measly 3 they were labeled the \u2018team of destiny\u2019. \u00a0However, after last week’s stale fart of a performance their fan base has been left wondering\u00a0if they pulled the trigger too early on ordering those Derho jerseys. This Sunday we\u2019ll find out if they are who think they are.<\/p>\n

Mathematics on the other hand are right where they usually seem to be this time of year \u2013 hovering above .500 and rounding into mid-season form.\u00a0 What\u2019s puzzling though is that a Norris has yet to register a single point and the Kazinator<\/a> is on pace to score 9 goals this year.\u00a0 But none of that seems to matter thanks to John having elevated his game to a Bergeron-esque level.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em> Both teams manage to stay out of the crease and Rebecca snipes the OT winner for Math, 4-3.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

BTSH babies. (photo credit: Mia)<\/p><\/div>\n

Fuzz (3-1- 0) at Sky Fighters (1-3- 0), Tompkins East, 4:30pm<\/strong>
\nby Hornswoggle<\/em><\/p>\n

This division rivalry will put Caroline W. and her comrades to the test because their leading scorer\u00a0for 2017 will be playing for the first time as their opposition on Sunday. Vegas Line rates high on\u00a0Mia, Stein, and Greg playing an emotional game (hell, they might not even be there knowing that\u00a0facing an old rival would be just too much to bear), but maybe James McQ. and Joe may not be too\u00a0concerned and try to keep the Sky Fighters in the match.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Hero.<\/p><\/div>\n

The only thing that should concern Fuzz is ex-Sultan\u2019s bravado. Watch his social media antics\u00a0continue as off-court banter between him and the refs, likely disturbing any important plays that\u00a0would have given Sky Fighters the advantage. No longer bearing the responsibilities as league\u00a0commissioner and short $6,000 for the 2018 fiscal year, he\u2019ll be literally gunning for the PBR Cup in\u00a0an attempt to take the metal and sell it to the highest bidder to recoup what he could\u2019ve gained.<\/p>\n

Sky Fighters, you know that Miles and Gil will be the two primary players to watch. \u201cPharoeux\u201d is\u00a0no longer on that team and you probably know that the ex-Sultan is filling his role. With around 17\u00a0pace on a good day\u2014namely because he treats cardio like kindergarteners with vegetables\u2014passing\u00a0Rich is a cakewalk. The rest of the team not so much.<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em> In spite of self-designated first-liner Rich getting left in the dust by a majority of Sky\u00a0Fighters players, Gil and Alexa will tally for the first time this season, and Jeff and Miles will\u00a0continue to add to their collection. 4-1 Fuzz.<\/p>\n

What the Puck at Tompkins Square Riots<\/strong>
\nby Cat<\/em><\/p>\n

Riots are still looking for their first win, thwarted once by rain fears and once by overtime penalty shots, and a division game against What the Puck is the prime opp. As an anarcho-commune, captained by none, they know the meaning of hustle, and are at their best digging it out one-on-one in the corners.<\/p>\n

As much as I love a hippie cult, I see this coming down in What the Puck\u2019s favor. Zac controls box scores and it\u2019s my firm understanding that he just jots down whatever on the notes app while shaking off a hangover\u00a0Monday<\/span><\/span>\u00a0morning, giving the orange (wo)men a distinct advantage. Plus, it\u2019s Mike D\u2019s birthday, and those motherpuckers are sure to rally to deliver him the greatest gift of all: the division number one slot!<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em> Emily and Michael want to know: WTP over Riots 4-2.<\/p>\n

Butchers at LBS<\/strong>
\nby Flighty McWeagle<\/em><\/p>\n

If the first four games of this season have any predictive power, this matchup is not a favorable one for the Butchers, who are currently sitting uncomfortably in division 1 with a stat line that\u2019s more like a punch line. They\u2019d be laughed out of division 4. Not to pity them too much, given the obvious talent of their players, but \u201cunderperforming\u201d is an understatement. They boast three losses, and a combined offensive effort of five goals on the season. Meanwhile, LBS has pampered itself with three of the league\u2019s top 25 scorers, one of whom has scored as many goals as the whole Butchers team, and there\u2019s another five secondary scorers so far. The sole stain on LBS\u2019 record is their entirely predictable beatdown by multi-armed regional juggernaut Instant Karma. But last weekend, the Butchers embarked on the first step to correction, knocking the Anklebiters off the top of the standings in a convincing three goal shutout. Unfortunately LBS also squeaked past the nosediving Sky Fighters 6-0.<\/p>\n

So what does all this actually <\/i>mean? Can recent outcomes actually predict future performance? If so, how precisely? Do outside factors have an effect? Does anything mean anything? Do outside hockey games <\/i>have an effect? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why endure the agony? Why must perfectly decent diasporic Washingtonians endure Sidney Crosby\u2019s drooling fish-maw on their television in another Caps-Penguins series every fucking year<\/i>? Nobody actually likes Crosby, they just play with him because he has a Nintendo\u2026 Ugh. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, right. I don\u2019t know. LBS already won a cup. Butchers didn\u2019t. The Butchers gotta want it more. It\u2019s not the records! It\u2019s the intangibles! Despite all odds, and the outcome of Game 1, I believe Washington takes the series in 7, and game 7 goes to 53 overtimes before Ovechkin\u2019s grandchild scores a goal. And I think the Butchers are going to do it first, also after 53 overtimes, culminating in a scoreless overtime, then an inconclusive shootout, then an inconclusive swordfight, and then at last a karaoke sing-off. Finally the Butchers pull it off, 3-2, because obviously the Butchers have the better singers.<\/p>\n

And in the end, isn\u2019t that, and also wrestling, what really <\/i>matters?<\/p>\n

Dark Rainbows at Denim Demons<\/strong>
\nwritten by An Old Jedi (the Padawan is on vacation this week. Hopefully not on Alderaan.)<\/em><\/p>\n

This matchup features the team that had the most infractions last season, and the team that had the least (we\u2019ll let you figure out which was which). So let\u2019s take a look at these two teams at opposite ends of the penalty spectrum\u2026<\/p>\n

The new Rainbows continue to make strides each week, putting a scare into the Gremlins in their recent contest. It took 2 shootout winning goals to get the Grems the W, but they did it. If Tia can make it back in time for the game, and Cat doesn\u2019t have yet ANOTHER hot sauce festival to attend, the \u2018Bows may have a chance this Sunday. (Yes, apparently hot sauce festivals are a real thing. They draw tens of Americans, every year.) New Rainbows Matt, Brian, Wes, and Karl are starting to get the hang of this street hockey thing, and that may spell trouble for the Levis Lucifers. Even more troubling for the Demons is that Sean R. has been making more frequent appearances lately, and that dude has had the hang of this street hockey thing since the rookies were in diapers.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

It\u2019s not just for breakfast anymore.<\/p><\/div>\n

As for the Demons, they returned Ella\u2019s dog safe and sound, but didn\u2019t show up at Royale this week in order to avoid any potential questioning by police. They also picked up their first win of the season this past Sunday. (Rumor has it that Anshu netted her first goal as a Demon!) We\u2019re told that the $5 Tito\u2019s and sodas were enough to drag Popack back from the Amalfi Coast this week…but we suspect she may end up skipping the game and heading straight to the bar to take advantage of the deal. It seems that Tracy is also a game-time decision, as she has a Girl Talk Date Line<\/a> tournament the night before. (Much to her dismay, Brad is going to beat her in this tournament.)<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em> Having incredibly low penalty minutes is a designation that Tia and her Rainbows take great pride in (oops, I gave away which team was which). They stay on the right side of history in this one…but on the wrong side of the scoreboard.<\/p>\n

JR gets the game winner. 4-3 Demons, in regulation.<\/p>\n

Greenwald has to wait another week for that elusive first win.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Gouging Anklebiters at Mathematics by Izzy It is possible that Sarah and the Biters may have peaked too early this year. \u00a0After starting off the season by lighting the lamp on fire with 19 goals scored and only allowing a measly 3 they were labeled the \u2018team of destiny\u2019. \u00a0However, after last week’s stale fart […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17920","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17920"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17920"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17920\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17964,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17920\/revisions\/17964"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}