{"id":18288,"date":"2018-06-08T09:10:39","date_gmt":"2018-06-08T13:10:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=18288"},"modified":"2018-06-08T10:42:25","modified_gmt":"2018-06-08T14:42:25","slug":"week-9-previews-of-all-star-sunday-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-9-previews-of-all-star-sunday-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 9 Previews of All-Star Sunday – Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters<\/strong>
\nby Beau Ted, Rehabs Beat Reporter<\/i><\/p>\n

Breaking News: Rehabs President said on Monday that the team has the power to pardon itself, raising the prospect that they might take extraordinary action to immunize themselves from the TSP investigation, even as Ramirez asserts that they have “done nothing wrong.”<\/p>\n

On the other side of the court, Diana and Creamy are back from parental leave, Amy and Phil are expected to test out some new improv sketches on the court, and Worky is riding high from promoting Hockey Beach with this year’s sweet new tees. These squads are neck and neck in the standings, so it will be a tight one.<\/p>\n

Prediction<\/em>: Cherie and Michelle can’t shake off their jetlag from Amsterdam quite quickly enough, and Habs fall victim to the foot chompers in this nail biter. Coco scores the game winner, 3-2 in OT.<\/p>\n

If we have anything to learn from this:\u00a0don’t miss Ocean City<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot<\/strong>
\nby Izzy<\/em><\/p>\n

Fresh from expelling King Kong from their backs the proud, the mighty, the Rainbows are ready to get back out there and whoop some more<\/span> Michaliga Division<\/span><\/a> ass. \u00a0Dave \u2018Champagne Papi\u2019 Greenie has his sights set on stealing another W for his squad because once the taste of victory hits your lips it just leaves you thirsty for more. \u00a0Ready to help him do just that are the daunting forces of Katherine C, Wes-Man and All-Stars Bryan and Cat-attack.<\/span><\/p>\n

Coming off of an impressive victory of their own, the fine as hell Gut Rot Bitchez ain\u2019t got time for your feel-good story. \u00a0They\u2019re too busy focusing on replicating that effort from their annual upset of league powerhouses (Hookers \u2013 \u201918, Fuzz \u2013 \u201917, and Instant Karma \u2013 \u201916). \u00a0All-Stars #Akhilnation and Incoherent Becca along with the smooth Ed-P may prove to be too hot to handle and too cold to control for the \u2018Bows.<\/span><\/p>\n

Prediction<\/span><\/i>: A first half, three goal explosion by the Rainbows is whittled away in the second half by Gilligans combining for a hat trick with Diane scoring the OT winner, 4-3.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

2018 Stanley Cup Champions<\/p><\/div>\n

What the Puck at Mega Touch<\/strong>
\nby Arya Stark<\/em><\/p>\n

While this game may not look super sexy on paper, hey, paper is rarely sexy (unless you’ve recently purchased this intriguing product<\/a>).\u00a0 Regardless, this is a pivotal matchup in the Southeast Division race.\u00a0 What The Puck and Mega Touch are currently tied for the top spot and this game will go a long way towards determining who is promoted at the end of the year as head-to-head wins are the first tiebreaker.\u00a0 The teams sport identical 3-4 records, with both recording wins over the same exact teams: their division mates, Gut Rot, the Riots and the Rainbows.\u00a0 The only other opponent the two teams have in common is Math who beat both these teams by identical two goal margins.\u00a0 WTP has a goal differential on the season of -8; Mega decided to do them one better (at least in terms of absolute value) and is sporting a -9.\u00a0 Very little separates these two teams, and it’s tempting to take the virgin’s way out and not declare a winner.\u00a0 But alas, I don’t think it’s possible to be in this league for more than two weeks without having sex with someone. So, in recognition of that simple truth and in honor of the degenerate gambling Norris & Co are sure to partake in at Belmont this weekend, w\u00a0 \u00a0 ho’s the line currently favoring?<\/p>\n

Mega Touch (+145) \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0o 6.0 (-105)<\/b>
\nWhat The Puck (-165) \u00a0\u00a0u 6.0 (-115)<\/b><\/p>\n

Fresh off doing the impossible and giving Ovi his first cup (congrats to Roberts, RIP to his liver and his face bush), Vegas has the Pucks opening as the equivalent of a field goal favorite.\u00a0 While both teams are mired in a slump, WTP edges out Mega in a few areas.\u00a0 In their three wins WTP outscored the aforementioned Riots\/Rainbows\/Rot triumvirate 11-3 while Mega had a bit more trouble with these teams, winning the three games by an aggregate of only 8-4.\u00a0 Mega boasts a scrappy collection of unsung talent, but Twitter savage and porn-stache aficionado<\/a> Ball Hogg is the top player in this game and probably getting super tired of writing up box scores that don’t include himself.\u00a0 And in general, I just think the Pucks are going to want this one more.\u00a0 Mega is historically a friendly, happy to hang out on Sundays type of team while WTP showed a surprising edge in last season’s playoff loss to the LBS and are looking to move up to the Southeast Division this year.\u00a0 Sunday<\/span><\/span> is the first step towards that goal (really it’s step 8 out of 22 but you get the idea).<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em> Calling this a must-win for either team is almost as misleading as the title\u00a0Robot Repair<\/a>.\u00a0 It’s still only about halfway through the season and the two teams do have another meeting on August 5<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0 But make no mistake, this is a huge game for both teams as the winner will have a significant leg up in the race for first.\u00a0 Parlay the Pucks with the under and the as they take this 4-1.<\/p>\n

Hockey Night in Tompkins<\/strong>
\nCorlears Hookers (2-4-0-1) at Sky Fighters (2-5-1), Tompkins East, 1730<\/strong>
\nby Jerome<\/em><\/p>\n

The identities of both these teams have yet to be fully revealed, given that the records they\u2019ve had at this time of the season last year<\/em> is a stark contrast to what\u2019s been transpiring now. Notwithstanding, these squad have talented individuals inside and outside of the court, but collectively, their success hasn\u2019t been apparent thus far.<\/p>\n

Putka\u2019s purple bandits\u2014who are on \u201cCrofficial\u201d business this era\u2014still have a fight in them, but it must be the toils of the top division, facing the most elite teams, that have made them less than par. However, the triumvirate [of Cro, CJ, and Danilo] has been doing what they\u2019ve set out to do since last year, which is score; together, they have 11. Additionally, three of their females have 2 goals apiece, so you know this royally clad bunch doesn\u2019t lack firepower.<\/p>\n

Last weekend, the Sky Fighters announced they have a \u201cnew look\u201d\u2014probably because of their new threads, or because Stein actually posted a shutout (welcome to Goalie Union\u2026 again!)!!! My guess is that because they still have Roman, they\u2019ll be fine\u2014provided he shows\u2014but even if not, they\u2019ve got their own triumvirate to counter the Hookers with Joe, James McQ., and Matt, together with 13 goals, as well as Katie and Mia, who notched two each.<\/p>\n

Prediction<\/em>: On paper this looks almost even, with the Crofficials taking the edge. But if Infanti actually treats this game unlike when the Mets are in Boston\u2026 the edge might go the other way. We\u2019ll leave this to goaltending and say Stein continues the streak: 3-2 to the \u201cnew\u201d Sky Fighters.<\/p>\n

Fuzz at Mathematics<\/strong>
\nby Julius Rex<\/em><\/p>\n

This Sunday we have quite the match up \u2013 Math vs. Fuzz or as Eli K \u00a0and our current Pharaoh, Hicks like to say, \u201cMuzz Weekend.\u201d This long unanticipated game that nobody knew was happening until this write up will be nothing short of a fiery match-up between two strong BTSH Teams. When I think of Math vs. Fuzz I sort of think of Good vs. Want-to-be Evil. Disney\u2019s Robin Hood vs. Prince John; SpongeBob vs. Plankton; Batman vs. Catwoman.<\/p>\n

With both teams coming off of strong wins from last week\u2019s game, let\u2019s take a look at what we can expect. Math will be out in full force with their elite ninja goalie, Dave, between the pipes ready to stop anything that comes his way. Langer and Jon M, who will be returning from his busy river boat captaining duties, to aid\u00a0James, Sam, and Zach will be up front creating (and maybe finishing) numerous scoring opportunities for Math. On defense, three other burly men of Math: Justin, Brad, and Kirky, will be holding down the fort ready to pounce on any loose balls. Let\u2019s not forget our Lady Mathletes, a strong group who are not to be underestimated: Becky N (and 2018 All-Start) Amy, and new to math this year, Charlotte, will continue to dominate on the courts. Sarah H, still unable to play, continues to excel in her present role as coach, offering nothing short of words of great wisdom an encouragement to both her teammates and the world.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Fuzz will be missing a few player (which will be the excuse from Glanzer if they lose) with Jeff L being MIA this weekend\u2026in net, Fuzz will be using a real goalie this week as opposed to shoving Alexa in net with a baseball glove. Despite one major weak link on offense (cough, Rich Glnzr,) Walsh, Sig, and the man with the world\u2019s largest white shin guards will be able to generate some serious offensive play and give Math D a run for their money. Alyssa, on defense, will continue to make the world shake with her clapper from the point creating a number of scoring opportunities and will continue to be a solid force in the defensive zone.<\/p>\n

Speaking to the captains of each team, this nonevent #MuzzWeekend will not fail to disappoint, and you can expect nothing short of a fast paced, hard fought, quirky game. Math Captain Sam N expectation for this game is, \u201cRich isn\u2019t going to score, not even with a kiss from Fatou if the Caps win it in game 6 and they\u2019re standing right next to each other.\u201d Bummer, Rich. Sarah H, stoic member of the Math Injured Reserve, says, \u201cStop trying to make Muzz happen,\u201d and is, \u201choping for a Pharauxic victory.\u201d Zach is issuing a very clear warning of animosity, \u201cI am going to pants Walsh when he least expects it,\u201d and he expects, \u201cRich to stick check a Lady Mathlete parked at the back door. He\u2019ll feel zero guilt and it probably goes uncalled.\u201d Math isn\u2019t the only team issuing warnings\u2026 Rich is advising, \u201cJames and Rebecca, don\u2019t bring your baby to the game. No infant should lose respect of their parents so quickly in life. Fuzz will be that baby\u2019s Daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Minus the mildly creepy undertones of Glnzr\u2019s counsel, shots have been fired.<\/p>\n

Prediction<\/em>: 5-3 win for Math.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters by Beau Ted, Rehabs Beat Reporter Breaking News: Rehabs President said on Monday that the team has the power to pardon itself, raising the prospect that they might take extraordinary action to immunize themselves from the TSP investigation, even as Ramirez asserts that they have “done nothing wrong.” On the other […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18288"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18288"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18288\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18320,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18288\/revisions\/18320"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}