{"id":18735,"date":"2018-07-18T08:25:02","date_gmt":"2018-07-18T12:25:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=18735"},"modified":"2018-07-18T08:44:48","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T12:44:48","slug":"three-stars-and-not-three-stars-of-week-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/three-stars-and-not-three-stars-of-week-13\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Stars and Not Three Stars of Week 13"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

by Cat<\/em><\/p>\n

This week, Not Stars were outsourced to Jerome Hornswaggler. I prefer to throw shade sparingly, and with the World Cup over, Jerome has a lot more free time and no outlet for his emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Third Star<\/strong>
\nCheeky of the Butchers<\/b><\/p>\n

This week Cheeky celebrated her retirement from being a professional sports person so I would be remiss in acknowledging the successes and exploits of a fellow non-hugger. Here\u2019s a highlight reel of Cheeky\u2019s best qualities:<\/span><\/p>\n

STAMINA – The Butchers played Gut Rot on Sunday, and alongside Creamy, Cheeky played defense for the entire game. And on top of that, it was immediately after the World Cup, so I can only assume she was already drunk.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Classic Cheeky.<\/p><\/div>\n

INTEGRITY – Eagle-eyed and fair, Cheeky is an exemplary referee. Doesn\u2019t miss a thing with a beer in hand. Doesn\u2019t call things in favor of the Rainbows too often so nobody is suspicious of bias.<\/span><\/p>\n

NURTURING – Running into the corner, I fell ~~all by my damn self~~ into a pile of mud and she tenderly wiped my knee off with a nice smelling wet nap. Also, she loves dogs.<\/span><\/p>\n

SEXINESS – A boy who couldn\u2019t take a hint showed up uninvited to her own party, because she\u2019s irresistible. <\/span>Honorable Mention<\/b> to Morgen, a True Friend and an Advocate for Stoned People at Parties, who told him to GTFO.<\/span><\/p>\n

Enjoy all the golf outings and book clubs that retirement has to offer, Cheeky!<\/span><\/p>\n

Second Star<\/strong>
\nCampbell of Cobra Kai<\/b><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Last week, Campbell narrowly lost out on a Star with his stellar performance against the Poutine. I understand that my opinion matters quite a lot to people these days (especially Hogg), but Campbell clearly took this slight to heart, knuckling down against Ben \u201c14 Goals\u201d Probie and the Anklebiters. Fine! I get it! Two shutouts in two weeks! YOU\u2019RE VERY GOOD AT GOALIE!<\/span><\/p>\n

First Star<\/strong>
\nHilary of Poutine<\/b><\/p>\n

Going into Week 11 (12?), Fuzz was leading the league, with ten wins and just one loss. Reliably, Poutine was not impressed, and toppled the number one seed with a loss in overtime – Mike \u201cPags\u201d snagged the game winning goal and Teddy impressed in the net after driving all the way in from CT.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Ultimately, the Star goes to Hilary – I heard from both sides that she was a standout on the court, playing hard and claiming a top shelf goal for herself. She only narrowly missed her shootout attempt, Coach tipped it with his shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

Honorable Mentions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Speaking of retirement, Showtime made multiple court appearances on Sunday, including getting a shutout as goalie for LBS, and Ellery came to root for Gut Rot and retained his shirt the entire time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not Three Stars<\/strong>
\nby Hornswoggle<\/em><\/p>\n

[Disclaimer: these were gathered from various league members; don\u2019t shoot the messenger!]<\/span><\/p>\n

Fam, there were some very eventful matches last Sunday, so give yourselves a round of applause for making the weekend entertaining as it was. However! Some of y\u2019all didn\u2019t get away with bad behavior, as some \u201ctattle-tales\u201d have decided to cite you with Rule 1 infractions. For more details, let\u2019s take a look at the following:<\/span><\/p>\n

LBS, Inc.<\/i> for not thoroughly fulfilling your civic duty by cleaning up the entire court postgame! Yes, y\u2019all possibly experienced the thrill of watching the Poutine-Fuzz shootout, but a dereliction of duty is, after all, a Rule 1 violation. If y\u2019all don\u2019t know how to clean up after a major sporting event, simply<\/span> look to the Japanese<\/span><\/a> for help.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are certain veteran (5+ years\u2019 experience) players, like <\/span>Mega\u2019s <\/span><\/i>Larry, who still have the tendency to raise the stick above the waist. While we\u2019re not sure of the exact instances of which they were called (as we\u2019d have to track, hunt, and questionably kill the refs after asking), sticks deliberately raised above the waist are a no-no. When I was a ref, I\u2019d certainly use discretion\u2014by admonishing the player rather than stopping play\u2014depending on the situation, but folks! One or two whistles should stop you from committing the same crime again and again. Take a look at this<\/span> fine role model<\/span><\/a> to know what <\/span>not<\/span><\/i> to do on the court or in real life!<\/span><\/p>\n

This not-star is for the half-drunk to very drunk people: fam, we\u2019re all<\/span> responsible, gainfully-employed individuals<\/span><\/a> (link works if you\u2019re logged into LinkedIn already) who are changing the worlds we live in a little bit at a time. When we take other peoples\u2019 things, even accidentally, we cause bits of inconveniences in their lives. If you have to, please double- or triple-check to make sure that you have your stuff; after all, if you can spare a couple of minutes to talk to <\/span>Herr Majesty<\/span><\/i> or <\/span>Sir Hicks-a-lot<\/span><\/i>, you can certainly take a couple of seconds to verify your belongings. This means sticks and equipment as well!<\/span><\/p>\n

And finally, an egregious example of a Rule 1 violation is, perhaps, figuratively kicking the opposition when it\u2019s already down. The mercy rule was enforced years ago when teams were diametrically opposed in talent. However, with the degree of competitiveness these days, taking losses by large margins can be serious and the teams getting beaten sometimes find it insulting when, in this week\u2019s instance, goals are scored in the waning minutes. That said, <\/span>Rehabs<\/span><\/i>, two points is two points, and squeezing out a hurrah in a game that\u2019s been long over isn\u2019t a good look. Nonetheless, next week is a clean slate. Take this bullet point and move on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Folks, every one of us should be eternally grateful to walk the paths of asphalt amongst the scattered bags, assorted cartons and cans of beer, smelly equipment, and splayed, exhausted players nearly every Sunday. It could have been worse; we could have been in Zog!!! Anyway, don\u2019t take the experience of playing in this exclusive league for granted, even if the rules or its enforcers seem draconian on one hand or nonsensical on the other. I thought I\u2019d take on this week\u2019s edition of \u201cnot-stars\u201d not to put targets on peoples\u2019 backs, but as a way for all of us to incrementally learn the do\u2019s and don\u2019ts of SB\u2019s creation, as I, too, am sometimes guilty of overstepping Rule 1 sometimes.<\/span><\/p>\n

I sign off with this: \u201cThere are three ways to ultimate success: the first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.\u201d Mr. Rogers said that. Remember Rule 1, mothersuckers!!!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Cat This week, Not Stars were outsourced to Jerome Hornswaggler. I prefer to throw shade sparingly, and with the World Cup over, Jerome has a lot more free time and no outlet for his emotions. Third Star Cheeky of the Butchers This week Cheeky celebrated her retirement from being a professional sports person so […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18735"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18735"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18735\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18744,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18735\/revisions\/18744"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}