{"id":18847,"date":"2018-07-27T08:30:54","date_gmt":"2018-07-27T12:30:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=18847"},"modified":"2018-07-27T10:04:37","modified_gmt":"2018-07-27T14:04:37","slug":"week-15-previews-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/week-15-previews-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Week 15 Previews – Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

BTSH Olympics are right around the corner and if last year’s lack of productivity for the following week are any indication, it is surely an event you don’t want to miss.\u00a0Sunday<\/span><\/span>\u00a0will feature food, drink and feats of strength that would make even the legendary Frank Costanza proud.\u00a0 Come for the flip cup and bar napkin lovemaking, stay for the arm wrestling MCed by our very own freedom of speech hating Rich Glnzr (tag him at your own risk).\u00a0 Food will include pizzas at Parkside and this\u00a0beast of a sandwich<\/a>\u00a0at the courts, imported fresh from Hoboken by our very own @ballhogg.\u00a0 Drinks will include $3 high lifes, $5 tall boy tecates and possibly some of\u00a0Hicks’ favorite courtside beverage<\/a>\u00a0(from what I’ve heard, like drowning\u00a0it gets better<\/a>\u00a0once you get used to it).\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Sign up here<\/a>\u00a0or forever be branded a coward and possibly a misogynist.<\/p>\n

And now here are your Previews!<\/p>\n

Butchers at Fuzz<\/strong>
\nby RG1 and RG2<\/em><\/p>\n

RG2: OK Rachel, despite Marko’s continued cyber bullying of me, I want you to know that I have feelings and cried during the following movies. Brian’s Song, Rudy, and of course Field of Dreams. Yes, I have Daddy issues.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG1: Thanks for sharing. I think you\u2019ve mistaken this for Glnzr therapy hour. It isn\u2019t. It\u2019s about sneaker hockey. As I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve all noticed, our game is at 12:30, instead of 1pm. Because Princess Laniado has a softball game. SOFTBALL? Boo. sneaker hockey wins. But the Butchers are ok with this, because we were promised doughnuts.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG2: Fine, I\u2019ll be RG2. But yes, this is why I\u2019m being nice to you this week. We need to get this game over with so half our team can play softball. So please tell Tim limited water breaks. I need another favor from you. It\u2019s kinda important.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG1: Ok, what is it? Just to preempt you, I will not ask Marko to stop cyber bullying you. It\u2019s in the best interest\/amusement of the league.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG<\/span>2<\/b>: OK, never mind then. Let\u2019s get on with the previews. Who do you have this week? Who is missing?<\/span><\/p>\n

RG 1: You think I am going to give away our secrets? NEVER. Georgine would kill me. Have you ever seen her pissed? You don\u2019t want to. \u00a0Also, I legitimately have no idea. I\u2019ll tell you one thing, nobody knows if Fast Dave is coming until gametime. Not even Fast Dave. I hope Alexa is there, so I can touch her butt and then shake her hand. Since BTSH stands for (consensual) Butt Touching Shaking Hands.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG2: I get in enough trouble from league feminists without (consensual) Butt Touching Shaking Hands so I\u2019m going to try and stay out of the #MeToo offenders. But I will say this, you\u2019re going to lose. I saw MDF\u2019s shootout attempt and our strategy is to just let her go on 40 breakaways, and then pass to Gil with around 20 seconds left.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG1: Are you playing defense? I\u2019m sure MDF can figure out a way to make sure you score an own goal.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG2: Yeah. Shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG1: Dana is going to distract Coach by asking Chuckles if he wants a cordial.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG2: 1- I thought I was special when Coach called me Chuckles. I feel so used. But anyways, I guess it will be 1-1 and hopefully our two jerky captains lets us shoot in the shootout to decide who wins. Loser buys the winner a beer?<\/span><\/p>\n

RG1: I know, right? I thought I was special too. That guy is a dick, we should both unsuccessfully try to score on him.<\/span><\/p>\n

RG2: I\u2019m glad we settled this. Coach is a dick. You get doughnuts and beer, and loser buys winner a beer. And we can agree on something else…the 2019 Super Bowl champs! J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

Rehabs at Corlears Hookers<\/strong>
\nby Arya Stark<\/em><\/p>\n

One of the best matchups of the week features last year’s #2 and #3 overall seeds, except now they’re #8 and #12.\u00a0 The Rehabs were the preseason favorite and have been solid, if not quite as dominant as expected, all year long.\u00a0 Their only losses so far have been to fellow D1 teams Fresh Kills, Butchers and LBS and #1 overall seed Cobra Kai, and their goal differential is 5th in the league.\u00a0 Meanwhile, the Hookers have been disappointing to say the least, both in terms of wins (where they currently sit in the bottom half of the league) and in number of actual games played (where they’re two back of most teams despite being one of the few teams to finish last week’s contest).\u00a0 For the Hookers, this will be their second game of the day after making up their\u00a0May 6<\/span><\/span>\u00a0bizarro-world “rainout” (a rainout which still allowed several players to\u00a0scrimmage<\/a>\u00a0in their timeslot) so fatigue may be an issue while the Rehabs will be finishing the second half of last week’s rained out contest with Filthier immediately following this matchup.<\/p>\n

Forwards<\/u><\/b>
\nThe Rehabs boast one of the best groups of scorers in the league with A May, Joey Bats and the Phareoux on the male (aka\u00a0inherently evil<\/a>) side while Cherie and Monique are among two of the best female forwards in BTSH and who I’m sure will take inbounds and would be getting passed to all the time if a few of their guys ever tried passing to anyone.\u00a0 The Hookers have some talent up front in Cro (he of\u00a0five garbage goals<\/a>), Clarke, Sarah and Noelle, but will have a tough time keeping up with the Rehabs possession-based style of play.
\nEDGE: Rehabs<\/p>\n

Defense<\/u><\/b>
\nSena is one of the best pure defenders in the league and Welch is usually a pretty steady presence on the backline, but the Hookers have the edge here.\u00a0 Sam keeps things steady while, between Tiff and Danilo, they have two game-changing offensive defenders who will drive possession and occasionally score\u00a0badass goals<\/a>\u00a0off their bad asses.\u00a0 Do their forwards backcheck?\u00a0 Not always, but not markedly less than some of the Rehabs either.\u00a0 Their defense may take one too many risks sometimes (and more sympathetic I could not be), but\u00a0their legend will live forever<\/a>.
\nEDGE: Hookers<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Goaltending<\/u><\/b>
\nDustin came back from a multi-year absence to fill the rather large shoes of Kevin Longwell who is currently traveling the globe\u00a0like a boss<\/a>.\u00a0 It’s been an up-and-down return thus far but Dustin is always a threat to steal any game he’s in.\u00a0 The same (minus the multi-year absence) can be said about Ramirez, one of the very best in BTSH.\u00a0 Both teams will get their chances and it may well come down to which of these elite netminders can come up with the big save when the defense in front of them collapses.
\nEDGE: Even<\/p>\n

Intangibles<\/b><\/u>
\nThis game is sure to be fast paced, competitive and, knowing these teams, probably a bit chippy.\u00a0 There’s a sneaky good chance that this matchup will end up being a playoff preview, and both teams will want to go into next week’s divisional matchups with some momentum.\u00a0 So who’s better positioned to prevail in a tightly contested playoff-like contest?\u00a0 Well, in the past three seasons the Rehabs have won a championship and lost in the title game twice.\u00a0 Meanwhile, the Hookers have lost in the round of eight, the round of 16 and the play-in round.\u00a0 Cro and Tiff are great competitors, but the Rehabs have played many of these types of games in the past couple years and will not be fazed by any of it.\u00a0 Then again, its a sneaker hockey game with a tree in the field of play so I’m not quite sure why anyone would be fazed by it to begin with.\u00a0 The more interesting question will be whether the Hookers will be able to keep up with the Rehabs in what will be their second game of the day.
\nEDGE: Rehabs<\/p>\n

Prediction:<\/em>Both these teams have a lot to play for and this game has the potential to be one of the most fun ones of the season.\u00a0\u00a0In a rematch of this March’s commissioner race, Hicks will once again prevail over Cro who will claim it’s a rigged system regardless.\u00a0 4-2 Rehabs.\u00a0 #factsonly<\/p>\n

BONUS COVERAGE<\/u><\/b><\/p>\n

Poutine vs Hookers –\u00a0<\/b>My Soviet father used to tell me the old saying they had about communism: “they pretend to pay us, we pretend to work.”\u00a0 This is pretty much how I feel about the Hookers\/Poutine “rainout” from\u00a0May 6<\/span><\/span>, except they were the only ones pretending it was raining.\u00a0 Anyways, this should be a relatively low-scoring affair with the Hookers pulling out a tight victory.<\/p>\n

Rehabs vs Filthier –\u00a0<\/b>These division rivals will look to finish their contest from last week which was 2-0 Filthier heading into the half on the strength of a highlight reel through the legs goal from James and a bar-down snipe from Ryan.\u00a0 The Rehabs seem like the stronger team overall, but a two goal deficit against Tim K is usually too much to overcome.\u00a0 Filthy hang on to notch the victory and, for the first time since\u00a0April 15<\/span><\/span>, take hold of first place in the top division.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Some of the Olympians have been known to created their own events.<\/p><\/div>\n

Filthier at Sky Fighters<\/strong>
\nby Chica Malcriada<\/em><\/p>\n

Mad Libs Edition<\/p>\n

It was the\u00a0Filthier<\/u> of times, it was the Carlin<\/u> of times, it was the age of winners<\/u>, it was the age of sandwiches<\/u>, it was the epoch of crease, it was the epoch of Stein<\/u>, it was the season of losers<\/u>, it was the season of hotdog<\/u>, it was the spring of Skyfighters<\/u>, it was the winter of hangovers<\/u>, we had Tim<\/u> before us, we had beer<\/u> before us, we were all going direct to JJ<\/u>, we were all going direct the other way \u2013\u00a0Shots.<\/u><\/p>\n

Prediction<\/em>: Sky Fighters upset another premiere team by defeating Filthier 3-2.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BTSH Olympics are right around the corner and if last year’s lack of productivity for the following week are any indication, it is surely an event you don’t want to miss.\u00a0Sunday\u00a0will feature food, drink and feats of strength that would make even the legendary Frank Costanza proud.\u00a0 Come for the flip cup and bar napkin […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18847","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18847"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18847"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18847\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18893,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18847\/revisions\/18893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}