{"id":197,"date":"2008-04-07T21:43:15","date_gmt":"2008-04-08T02:43:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/2008\/04\/07\/season-preview-corlears-hookers\/"},"modified":"2008-04-07T21:43:15","modified_gmt":"2008-04-08T02:43:15","slug":"season-preview-corlears-hookers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/season-preview-corlears-hookers\/","title":{"rendered":"Season Preview: Corlears Hookers"},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome to Dutch Country<\/h4>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Dutch<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/h4>\n

Color<\/strong>: Purple\/White
\nYear Founded<\/strong>: 2007
\n2007 Regular Season Finish<\/strong>: 16-1 (1st place)
\n2007 Playoff Result<\/strong>: Lost to Dark Rainbows in championship game
\nKey Additions<\/strong>: Jonathan Bartlett (Free Agent), Jason Eitel (Free Agent)
\nKey Losses<\/strong>: None
\nFan Base<\/strong>: The Netherlands, Wisconsin<\/p>\n

\u00a0
\nBy all measures, the Corlears Hookers’ inaugural season was a smashing success, as they only lost two games.\u00a0 However, one of those two losses was in the championship game, leaving a bitter taste in their mouths all winter long.\u00a0 Viewed by some as a team of ringers and with a year of experience under their belts, the Hookers seem to be all but guaranteed a championship this upcoming season…unless, of course, all twenty-two of them fall victim to twenty-two separate misfortunes and are unable to play this season.\u00a0 But that will never happen.\u00a0 Three misfortunes, that’s possible.\u00a0 Seven misfortunates, there’s an outside chance.\u00a0 But twenty-two misfortunes?\u00a0 I’d like to see that!<\/p>\n

Rapper They Closely Resemble<\/strong>: 50 Cent ft. G-Unit<\/em>.\u00a0 Yes, they get results.\u00a0 And yes, many would call them the best right now.\u00a0 But why do they seem to do it in a way that makes them nearly impossible to like?
\nFast Fact<\/strong>: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson knows every episode of Saved By The Bell<\/em> by heart.<\/p>\n

ROSTER
\n<\/strong>Brendan “Dutch” Kearney
\nJonathan “Dutch’s New Teammate” Bartlett
\nChris “Dutch’s Goalie” Beauvois (G)
\nKelly “Dutch’s Blonde Teammate” Buchanan
\nLaura “Dutch’s Female Teammate” Dugan
\nJason “Dutch’s Other New Teammate” Eitel
\nNickie “Dutch’s Other Female Teammate” Gill
\nAlbert “Al” Huang
\nGavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney
\nDavid “Dutch’s Teammate Who’s Probably from Pittsburgh” Kucharsky
\nElizabeth “Dutch’s Girlfriend” Lewis
\nDustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
\nReilly “Fake Dutch” Olson
\nJock “Dutch’s Teammate” Paul
\nLibby “Dutch’s Well-Dressed Teammate” Pettibone
\nPeter “Dutch’s Captain” Putka (C)
\nSamantha “Dutch’s Mysterious Teammate” Reenders
\nMauricio “Dutch’s Latino Teammate” Rojas
\nJoshua “Dutch’s Friend” Sadlier-Brown
\nAnshu “Dutch’s Indian Teammate” Sinha
\nMatthew “Dutch’s Potentially Jewish Teammate” Zimmerman
\nJohn “Espo” Buckley (RIP)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welcome to Dutch Country Color: Purple\/White Year Founded: 2007 2007 Regular Season Finish: 16-1 (1st place) 2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Dark Rainbows in championship game Key Additions: Jonathan Bartlett (Free Agent), Jason Eitel (Free Agent) Key Losses: None Fan Base: The Netherlands, Wisconsin<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[10,26,18],"class_list":["post-197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2008-team-previews","tag-2008-season","tag-corlears-hookers","tag-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/197"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=197"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/197\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}