{"id":200,"date":"2008-04-11T11:25:53","date_gmt":"2008-04-11T16:25:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/2008\/04\/11\/season-preview-rehabs\/"},"modified":"2008-04-11T11:25:53","modified_gmt":"2008-04-11T16:25:53","slug":"season-preview-rehabs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/season-preview-rehabs\/","title":{"rendered":"Season Preview: Rehabs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Stork’s Favorite Movie is Tomcats<\/em><\/h4>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Amy<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Color<\/strong>: Black
\nYear Founded<\/strong>: 2001
\n2007 Regular Season Finish<\/strong>: 10-6-1 (8th place)
\n2007 Playoff Result<\/strong>: Lost to Corlears Hookers in quarterfinals
\nKey Additions<\/strong>: Mike \u201cCupcake\u201d Bartlett (Pork Fried Rice), Hector \u201c$howT!m3\u201d Melendez (Unicorns), Alex \u201cVillano VI\u201d Zabala (Unicorns)
\nKey Losses<\/strong>: Daniel Torjman, Debbie Tomlinson, James Nicholson
\nFan Base<\/strong>: Romeo’s Equipment Manager<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In an effort to diffuse some of the animosity that has been lobbed in their direction in recent seasons, the Rehabs held a press conference to announce their newest members to the assembled media.\u00a0 Here is a live (sort of) blog that summarizes the proceedings:<\/p>\n

1:00 PM<\/em> – Captain Brian “Stork” Welch enters the room to the sounds of AC\/DC’s “Hell’s Bells”.
\n1:05 PM<\/em> – After waiting for the song to finish, Stork introduces Sal Malguarnera, stating, “Every time Sal scores it’s like he’s kissing the opposing goalies like Michael Corleone kissed Fredo in that Godfather scene when they’re all in Cuba in white tuxes.\u00a0 ‘I knew it was you Fredo’.\u00a0 Yes Sal, and soon the goalies are gonna know it too.”
\n1:07 PM<\/em> – New addition Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez crashes through the podium, spilling a carefully placed pitched of water on Welch.
\n1:09 PM<\/em> – After changing into a dry shirt, Welch proceeds to introduce Melendez and Alex “Villano VI” Zabala, who arrived in a package deal from the Unicorns.\u00a0 Of Zabala, Welch offers, “Alex is one of the most underrated players in the league.\u00a0 He’s a\u00a0 guy who’s\u00a0 capable of 25 plus\u00a0goals this year.\u00a0 Time to reintroduce him to the league.\u00a0 Don’t blink.”
\n1:11 PM<\/em> – Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett, who signed as a free agent after the dissolution of Pork Fried Rice interjects that he is also a candidate for 25 plus\u00a0goals now that he no longer has to play on the same line as notorious ball hog, “the extremely overrated Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri” (his words).
\n1:13 PM<\/em> – Sliding in gracefully from the left side of the stage is John Gazley, the founder of the Rehabs, who has returned to New York City and will slowly be integrated back into the lineup so he can execute the famous Gazley Slide at least three times in each game.
\n1:15 PM<\/em> – Welch and the five new\/returning players hold up their new uniforms and pose for photos before leaving the stage.
\n1:22 PM<\/em> – Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman arrives, wonders where everyone is.<\/p>\n

Rapper They Closely Resemble<\/strong>: Kanye West<\/em>.\u00a0 All the talent in the world, but can somebody please tell them to shut the hell up?
\nFast Fact<\/strong>:\u00a0Brian Wong enjoys playing hockey.<\/p>\n

ROSTER
\n<\/strong>Chantel Arroyo
\nMike “Cupcake” Bartlett
\nJ.P. Chaput
\nMeredith Danberg-Ficarelli
\nJon “Dinner Plate” Feldman
\nJohn Gazley
\nGina Hackett
\nMolly Holder
\nStacy Kehoe
\n“Con” Ed Lau
\nMichael Lewis
\nSal Malguarnera
\nHector “ShowT!m3” Melendez
\nKami Moore
\nLateef Nurmohamed
\nAnthony Romeo (G)
\nMichael Sayre
\nTheo Waters
\nGreg Weitzman
\nBryan “Stork” Welch (C)
\nBrian Wong
\nAlex “Villano VI” Zabala<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Stork’s Favorite Movie is Tomcats Color: Black Year Founded: 2001 2007 Regular Season Finish: 10-6-1 (8th place) 2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in quarterfinals Key Additions: Mike \u201cCupcake\u201d Bartlett (Pork Fried Rice), Hector \u201c$howT!m3\u201d Melendez (Unicorns), Alex \u201cVillano VI\u201d Zabala (Unicorns) Key Losses: Daniel Torjman, Debbie Tomlinson, James Nicholson Fan Base: Romeo’s Equipment […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[10,29,28],"class_list":["post-200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2008-team-previews","tag-2008-season","tag-rehabs","tag-team-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=200"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/200\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}