{"id":2246,"date":"2010-03-31T12:18:06","date_gmt":"2010-03-31T17:18:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=2246"},"modified":"2010-03-31T12:19:33","modified_gmt":"2010-03-31T17:19:33","slug":"season-preview-happy-little-elves-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/season-preview-happy-little-elves-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Season Preview: Happy Little Elves"},"content":{"rendered":"<h4>The Happy Little Elves Fan Club<\/h4>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/elvespreview.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-2393  aligncenter\" title=\"The Barnacle!\" src=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/elvespreview.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"338\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/elvespreview.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/elvespreview-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Color:<\/strong> Electric Lime<br \/>\n<strong>Year Founded: <\/strong>2008<br \/>\n<strong>2009 Regular Season Finish:<\/strong> 10-10-1 (9th place)<br \/>\n<strong>2009 Playoff Result: <\/strong>Lost to Rehabs in first round<br \/>\n<strong>Conference:<\/strong> Weyersberg<br \/>\n<strong>Division:<\/strong> Hackett<br \/>\n<strong>Home Arena:<\/strong> Tuques Arena (The Elves are currently constructing the Glanzer Dome, with an estimated completion date of 2014)<br \/>\n<strong>2009 Leading Scorer: <\/strong>Chris &#8220;Crush&#8221; O&#8217;Neil, 14 goals<br \/>\n<strong>Key Additions:<\/strong> Trevor Beauclair, Ryan Nakahara<br \/>\n<strong>Key Losses: <\/strong>Rob &#8220;Gnarls&#8221; Nitschke<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p><em>Happy Little Elves captain Benjamin Chadwick, in an uncharacteristic moment of brevity, offered the following about his team<\/em>:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>The Happy Little Elves (a subsidiary of Lehman Brothers) have been busy in our subterranean hibernation, acquiring two new forwards and a goalie. On our march to total global domination, this year&#8217;s new initiatives include<\/p>\n<ul style=\"list-style-type: disc;\">\n<li>Registration for tax-exempt, non-profit status, as a religion<\/li>\n<li>Bringing back our $19.95 All-You-Can Eat Seafood Buffet<\/li>\n<li>Putting our little green alien friends on the roster&#8211; the ones that nobody else can see<\/li>\n<li>Frogs, locusts, hail, murrain, and darkness<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Take Rich Glanzer to Diego Garcia Island Day&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>New black latex uniforms<\/li>\n<li>Universal health care<\/li>\n<li>Mass hysteria<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble:<\/strong> <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/ZackRyder.png\" target=\"_blank\">Zack Ryder<\/a><\/em>. Known for their flashy colors and connections to Strong Island, their biggest chance at stardom may have already come and gone in 2009.\u00a0 Nevertheless, they&#8217;re still a formidable opponent&#8230;Woo, woo, woo!\u00a0 You know it!<br \/>\n<strong>Fast Fact:<\/strong> Rich Glanzer is still upset about the Elves&#8217; failure to win the Fairy Tale Cup in 2009.<\/p>\n<p><strong>ROSTER<\/strong><br \/>\nChris Adrahtas<br \/>\nTrevor Beauclair<br \/>\nMelissa Budnick<br \/>\nGarrett &#8220;Ax&#8221; Carrino<br \/>\nBen Chadwick (C)<br \/>\nJenna Cruff<br \/>\nShaun Delacy<br \/>\nNicole DePontbriand<br \/>\nEric &#8220;El Guapo&#8221; DiPierri<br \/>\nRich Glanzer (A)<br \/>\nCourtney McBride<br \/>\nRob &#8220;Smash&#8221; Muggeo<br \/>\nRyan Nakahara<br \/>\nChris &#8220;Crush&#8221; O&#8217;Neil<br \/>\nMelanie Pessin<br \/>\nJerome &#8220;Hornswoggle&#8221; Ramos<br \/>\nShoshana Rudnick<br \/>\nSarah &#8220;T-Bone&#8221; Torneten<br \/>\nGil Valdez<br \/>\nOrbitty<br \/>\nOzmodiar<br \/>\nThe Great Gazoo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Happy Little Elves Fan Club Color: Electric Lime Year Founded: 2008 2009 Regular Season Finish: 10-10-1 (9th place) 2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Rehabs in first round Conference: Weyersberg Division: Hackett Home Arena: Tuques Arena (The Elves are currently constructing the Glanzer Dome, with an estimated completion date of 2014) 2009 Leading Scorer: Chris [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[136],"tags":[132,30,18],"class_list":["post-2246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2010-team-previews","tag-2010-season","tag-happy-little-elves","tag-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2246"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2246"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2246\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2466,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2246\/revisions\/2466"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}