{"id":2261,"date":"2010-03-28T19:52:52","date_gmt":"2010-03-29T00:52:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=2261"},"modified":"2010-03-28T19:52:52","modified_gmt":"2010-03-29T00:52:52","slug":"season-preview-mega-touch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/season-preview-mega-touch\/","title":{"rendered":"Season Preview: Mega Touch"},"content":{"rendered":"

The New Mega-Leader<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Color:<\/strong> Gray
\nYear Founded:<\/strong> 2002
\n2009 Regular Season Finish:<\/strong> 5-15-1 (16th Place)
\n2009 Playoff Result:<\/strong> Lost to Mathematics in play-in game
\nConference:<\/strong> Schumacher
\nDivision:<\/strong> MacNeil
\nHome Arena:<\/strong> East Village Fairgrounds
\n2009 Leading Scorer: <\/strong>Greg Kellerman, 7 goals
\nKey Additions:<\/strong> Harvey Jaswal, Samantha Mau
\nKey Losses: <\/strong>Toby Carroll, Martin Olson, Gunner Katatikarn, David Ritter<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven” –Henry Ward Beecher<\/em><\/p>\n

After a subpar rebranding and marketing campaign in 2009, Mega Touch went back to the drawing board with hopes for a better season in 2010.\u00a0 Thus, an epic offseason power struggle took place amongst Mega Touch management to see who would lead the team to its mega-potential.\u00a0 When the dust settled, Greg Kellerman had ascended to the throne of Mega Touch captain, displacing the former leader, the mild-mannered and good-natured\u00a0Eric Devlin, in a bloodless coup.\u00a0 Kellerman claims he won the position, along with Devlin’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, in an offseason game of Sabacc in Cloud City<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Although Kellerman is being extremely discreet about his team’s prospects for 2010, he has guaranteed the following: lots of beards, swearing, and Danny Canarick forgetting his shirt, shoes, and stick.<\/p>\n

Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble:<\/strong> Luke Gallows<\/a><\/em>.\u00a0 The recent name change is a step in the right direction, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.
\nFast Fact:<\/strong> Mike Tuckman cried eight times while watching Dude, Where’s My Car?<\/em><\/p>\n

ROSTER<\/strong>
\nHacksaw Mark Anderson*
\nMolly “Fuck it” Brown*
\nDanny “Take it easy” Canarick*
\nDan “Buffalo Wing” Colleran*
\nJane “Kramer vs.” Cramer*
\nEric “by the Hammer of” Devlin*
\nKristen “Enchilada” Echemendia*
\nHandsome Jonny Hanson*
\nKatie “Bring the Hate” Hasty*
\nHurricane Harvey Jaswal*
\nGreg “Let’s be Friends” Kellerman* (C)
\nJoe “Moose Leather” Lops*
\nBill “The Quiet Storm” MacGregor*
\nSamantha “The Melbourne Kid” Mau*
\nAlex “Coop” Eben Meyer
\n“Long Island” Jen Nedbalsky*
\nBrett “the Boston Steamer” Oppedisano*
\nAndy “George” Robertson*
\nSpeedy Scott Rosenthal*
\nNadya “Meryl” Salcedo*
\nKrazy Katherine Sall*
\nMike “Tuckman” Tuckman*
\nRabi “Forest” Whitaker*<\/p>\n

*Not a media-sanctioned nickname.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The New Mega-Leader Color: Gray Year Founded: 2002 2009 Regular Season Finish: 5-15-1 (16th Place) 2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Mathematics in play-in game Conference: Schumacher Division: MacNeil Home Arena: East Village Fairgrounds 2009 Leading Scorer: Greg Kellerman, 7 goals Key Additions: Harvey Jaswal, Samantha Mau Key Losses: Toby Carroll, Martin Olson, Gunner Katatikarn, David […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[136],"tags":[132,124,18],"class_list":["post-2261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2010-team-previews","tag-2010-season","tag-mega-touch","tag-team-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2261"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2261"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2438,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2261\/revisions\/2438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}