{"id":26206,"date":"2020-05-07T09:44:04","date_gmt":"2020-05-07T13:44:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.btsh.org\/bruise\/?p=26206"},"modified":"2020-05-07T09:44:06","modified_gmt":"2020-05-07T13:44:06","slug":"karma-conspiracy-circle-who-did-the-rona","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/karma-conspiracy-circle-who-did-the-rona\/","title":{"rendered":"Karma Conspiracy Circle: Who did the \u2018rona"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The theories are wild but the truth is wild\u2026er.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Cat, Slay and Steven<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat:<\/strong> Welcome to the Karma Conspiracy Circle. In one corner of the circle we have Steve\u201cthe flow\u201d Friedman, in another we have Slay \u201cSleh\u201d Lehman, and in the final corner, me, all here to prophesy about the upcoming (yeah, we\u2019re optimists) BTSH season, and theorize about why it hasn\u2019t started…yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, at first I thought Governor Cuomo was behind Coronavirus so that he could stop the trains and get the L train project done in time and become New York\u2019s hero\u2026.but the only anagram I could find for \u201cAndrew Cuomo\u201d was Nude Coma Row, which has no connection to coronavirus so it just doesn\u2019t add up\u2026 I chalk the obsession with the dashing gov to up to being a #CuomoSexual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, Slay, you had a sourdough starter going about this last time we zoomed. It\u2019s quite a theory and I want to see it rise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
This guy gets it. <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Slay: <\/strong>I know I have only been in the league part time for one season, but, this *whole virus* has Rich Glanzer’s name written all over it. I\u2019m gonna let Steven \u201cthe flow\u201d aka \u201cthe brick\u201d pop this one in the proofing drawer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven: <\/strong>Well\u2026 Karma, as we all know, was projected to win the PBR Cup.  Along with the greatest core of returning players, Karma had new recruits with fire in their hearts and beer in their hands. There were even plans to incorporate a PC logo into the brand. Everything was coming up Karma!  The reigning champs knew they didn\u2019t stand a chance defending their title using traditional methods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019m not gonna lie… I have the Karma 2020 champion merch sitting in my apartment right now. Several league members have contacted me with pre-orders. The hype was very fucking real. So, what happened? Who killed our vibe?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven: <\/strong>Fresh Kills killed our goddamn vibe. They started a global pandemic to stop us! The facts do not lie\u2026 particularly relating to this Glanzer guy. If you read articles on this site he seems important, but for those who play he is plainly irrelevant. In an effort to finally<\/em><\/strong> contribute something to his team he started a health crisis to keep us from competing! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat:<\/strong> Now that you mention it–I have been social distancing from Glanzer for a while now–I see how he got the idea. So we\u2019ve got the motive, hit us with the facts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven:<\/strong> I mean, Rich Glanzer has eleven letters in his name. Suspiciously, there are the EXACT same number of letters in \u201cCoronavirus\u201d… Not enough proof for you? Remember \u201cThe Ronkonkoma Condos,\u201d the storied D5 team Glanzer inspired? Yep, you guessed it, there are 19 letters in that team name\u2026.ever heard of COVID19?! <\/strong>Now it\u2019s time to really hammer it home: Glanzer\u2019s team was the most recent team that won the PBR Cup. Cup starts with C. He recently bought a Condo, also starts with C. You know what else starts with C? Coronavirus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Now do you Ce(cile and Harambe) what I see!? I mean, yes, Coincidence also starts with a C, but I think it\u2019s quite clear that that is the only coincidence here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Slay:<\/strong> Couldn\u2019t have put it better myself. I may be new to this rodeo, but I wasn\u2019t born yesterday. It makes all the sense in the world considering the man is notorious for cutting things off. I mean look at exhibit A: His T-shirt sleeves. Wtf happened to his T-shirt sleeves?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I’m starting to believe he\u2019ll cut off anything to distract from how bad at hockey he actually is.<\/strong> He can’t help himself. Why should our bid for the PBR cup be any different? You two are the lawyers here, but to me, the verdict is clear. Unlike a busted pinata in Thompkins on a steamy summer\u2019s day, this case is closed: Glanzer did Covid19. He cut off our season, just like he cuts off his sleeves. I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if he takes a note from Mr. Exotic and tries to cut off Derek\u2019s arm next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t think I am overstating things to say: this is the greatest injustice to our community since SUGAR glazed Pop\u2019em Donuts won the SAVORY bracket of the BTSH Bodega Battle<\/a>.  Don\u2019t get me started on Glanzer\u2019s involvement in that one (can\u2019t spell Glanzer without glaze- just saying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cat:<\/strong> Okay wow. This is compelling stuff. I mean, I don\u2019t see any holes… Except, of course, for some grossly mischaracterized donut holes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I was onto something with the Cuomo thing but now I realize I was just grappling with my feelings for him. This Glanzer theory though\u2026Now that you have laid it out for me, I feel like I am seeing in color for the first time. And frankly, I\u2019m seeing red. That\u2019s a problem for Glanzer \u2018cause Karma will always get ya in the end.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The theories are wild but the truth is wild\u2026er. By Cat, Slay and Steven Cat: Welcome to the Karma Conspiracy Circle. In one corner of the circle we have Steve\u201cthe flow\u201d Friedman, in another we have Slay \u201cSleh\u201d Lehman, and in the final corner, me, all here to prophesy about the upcoming (yeah, we\u2019re optimists) […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6355,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26206","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-league-info"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26206"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6355"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26206"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26206\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26216,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26206\/revisions\/26216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26206"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26206"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}