{"id":26251,"date":"2017-04-05T03:04:04","date_gmt":"2017-04-05T03:04:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.blacktoplampoon.com\/?p=232"},"modified":"2017-04-05T03:04:04","modified_gmt":"2017-04-05T03:04:04","slug":"hifi-more-like-whyfi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/hifi-more-like-whyfi\/","title":{"rendered":"HiFi? More like WHYfi"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor’s note: we received the following Request For Proposals through our normal surreptitious channels. It contains one of the best Rich Glanzer impersonations we’ve received so far. As is customary with Fake Rich Glanzer Articles (FRGAs), we have not edited the text, to help preserve its similarity to a real one.
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Guuuuuuuuuyyyyyys\u2026 so, I know I promised<\/del> threatened all of you with 2 weeks of BTSH radio silence while serving my excessive suspension (despite numerous public displays of support), but I\u2019ve had a lot of time to think in the 3 long days I didn\u2019t post in the Facebook group. There\u2019s an important BTSH issue at hand that nobody is addressing. We\u2019ve spent preseason focusing on budgets, prior years’ receipts, Newman, restructuring, if Ellery and Cro should be kicked out of the Facebook group, etc etc, but there\u2019s one thing we have failed to address. BTSH needs a \u2013 I\u2019ll say it, and I don\u2019t use this word very often \u2013 hero<\/strong> right now. And who better to do it than yours truly, RichieHero (previously Fuzz\u2019s 49% captain)? This reminds me of when the Elves were defending their 2010 championship and played the Riots in the opening round of the 2011 playoffs. Our goalie, Sean DeLacey, was fooouuurrteen minutes late to the championship game. The Elves needed a hero, so I rolled up the air where my sleeves would have been and put myself in net, where I (redundancy alert) heroically shut out the other team. Speaking of the Elves, we also instituted the NEDI, which\u2026 wait what were we talking about again? Oh yeah\u2026<\/p>\n

What is that thing we need to address? The league bar.<\/p>\n

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How about Cheers? Everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. It’s, like, the total opposite of that guy you picked up at Doc Holliday’s.<\/p><\/div>\n

The showing at HiFi has been mediocre at best. Some might blame this on the beautiful weather last Sunday, but there were already bar complaints last year and we can\u2019t always count on the weather (trigger warning: *rain fears*). Most importantly, the bar doesn\u2019t open until 3pm (right around when I like to take a mid-day nap), so early teams end up at other bars with just their teammates instead of at the league\u2019s bar. Given that this league was built on the core tenets of friendship and degeneracy (unlike my men\u2019s league), it seems ill-fitting to have a league bar that doesn\u2019t open until 3pm. It might be too late to change the league bar for this year, but here are some bars I think would suit the league better:<\/p>\n

Ace<\/strong> \u2013 Pros: Skeetball (I’ve never lost to a girl!), cheap beer, trivia, huge; cons: no bubble hockey. Speaking of which, if there\u2019s any budget surplus this year, I vote that we use it to buy a sweet bubble hockey table.<\/p>\n

13th Step<\/strong> \u2013 Pros: huge, cheap (1\/2 off beers + $5 shots, that\u2019s not even a BTSH special), beer pong tables, TVs, not a total dungeon, food, close to subways; cons: everyone else in the bar<\/p>\n

Double-Wide<\/strong> \u2013 Pros: good food, close to Tompkins; cons: not big enough & it\u2019s a Demons bar<\/p>\n

Manitoba<\/strong> \u2013 Pros: has bubble hockey, bar owner goes by \u201cHandsome Dick\u201d which is what Sam Norris is (pause); cons: drink specials unknown, close to Ace (similar issues with location)<\/p>\n

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Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.<\/p><\/div>\n

Any other bar suggestions are welcome. Let\u2019s all band together and find a spot people will show up to. Let\u2019s go Mets! Let’s go America! Fuzz Nation! Sam Norris is a dick.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor’s note: we received the following Request For Proposals through our normal surreptitious channels. It contains one of the best Rich Glanzer impersonations we’ve received so far. As is customary with Fake Rich Glanzer Articles (FRGAs), we have not edited the text, to help preserve its similarity to a real one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6601,"featured_media":236,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[400,405],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fake-rich-glanzer","category-threatening-letters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26251"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6601"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26251"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26251\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.miyagimedia.com\/bruise\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}